I have been looking after my father for two years. He is now at the wet and dirty stage and cannot comunicate anymore. Although he is not bed ridden yet,he does spend a lot of time sleeping. I have been told that this is very close to the end for him. It can be extremely difficult to look after him some times, but I can manage and do not want him to spend his last days in a home alone at his hour of need. However my brothers and sisters will not help and want to put him in a home asap. When I first took my father in, I too thought that this would be an option, but I now cant bear the idea of him being left with strangers. The stats show in South Africa that death comes to these Old dementia patients within three weeks to four months. Puting him in a home now would seem a form of euthanasia to me. Just cant do it.
Last edited by tolls1954; 10-03-2008 at 05:44 PM.
Reason: I`m learning to spell better.
Welcome to the boards! We are all either where you are, or we have been there.
As for me, I also care for my dad at home. He is just entering the "wet" stage..."dirty" is comin' right up. Communication is getting really sketchy, and I expect it to be gone shortly. Dad also sleeps 18 hours a day or so, sometimes, more.
You will hear a lot of folks say to place your dad in a facility that can care for him 24/7. And they are quite right. I have received that advice, and I am actually looking at getting some help for myself as I have a family of my own, and it's becoming a bit much.
But. I hear you. I can barely stand the thought of "visiting" dad in a care home. I know it might happen, but I pray it does not. My hat is off to you for continuing to care for you dad at home. Especially at this point.
How long? I have not the slightest. And I think that will be the consensus. Only God knows when the time is up, and it's time to go.
But till then, please come back. We are a nice bunch, and we can be at least a shoulder to cry on, a place to vent, and a safe place to say what's on your mind.
It realy was great to hear from you and I thank you for your kind words. I am sorry to hear your dad is in the same condition and I pray some miracle will come your way.
I am in South Africa and the state care facilities are seriously dangerous for Old Timers,
and as such a private facility will have to be considered and even this leaves much to be desired.The kind of money required for private care is beyond my financial means,as
I have had to put him on Anti phsycotics and this leave very little for anything else.
My siblings would rather just have him out of the way (Problem solved) and forget about him. Anyhow enough of my complaining as I know the good lord has a plan and it will sort itselfout
As u r aware that none of us can stop death. at the most be ur dad or urself or myself prefers to die by doing our ablution activities unto death; without trouble to others. the best way is acupressure techniques to make all organs function upto their optimum levels and to have peaceful death.
With ur thumb, press his/her palms and soles, wrists and ankles on both sides. As a last point u must press middle part of each palm/sole; so that toxins, if any, shall be excreted/purged through urine without affecting the kidneys.
It should be done in an empty stomach or after 2 hours after meals. With this, all the endocrine glands and their hormonal secretions shall be regulated. All internal organs shall function up to optimal levels.
all the best to u. u r a very good son having ur own regard to ur dad.God bless u and all the members of ur family.
Welcome Tolls....so sorry to hear about your Dad. It must be so hard going it alone and trying to make the hard decisions. It sounds like state care in South Africa is not an option your comfortable with and no help will be coming from your sibs. From your post, it sounds like keeping him at home is what you want and yet I think you will need some help. Do you work or are you able to be with him 24/7? Either way, you're going to need support in caring for him or you will drive yourself right into the ground. Do you have Alzheimers Associations in S Africa that you could call for help? They have wonderful people and services available. How about your church or some friends who might be able to pitch in? I lost my husband last May, at the age of 56, and I kept him at home until he passed. I had caregivers in every day while I worked and they became like family. I had Hospice come into our home at the end and they were angels sent from God himself. I hope this helped a bit and know that I will be praying for you and your Dad. I also hope your siblings come to their senses before it's too late and they regret not helping out with their Dad before he's gone. But like you said, God has a plan and it's ours to follow.
Do you have Hospice in South Africa? In the USA this organization will send someone to your home to help the patient in the last stages of life. They also go to nursing homes for those patients with less than 6 months to live. My mother was greatly helped by the nurses from that organization. Their task is to make the patient comfortable, including giving drugs to erase pain. Their philosophy is that dying should be made as easy as possible, not pain wracked. They are also amazing at comforting family members.
If not, just keep on doing what you can for your Dad. Remember that he may not be able to thank you or even know who you are, but deep inside he loves you and will do better because of your presence.
One of my sons spent 3 months in SA, and loved every minute of it -- what a beautiful country. He was near Cape Town.
It does sound like you have already made up your mind to what you need to do Troll. Search for assistance where you can find it. Even if it is just an hour from a friend to walk in the sunshine. Take one day at a time and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
There is no way to know how much longer your Dad has. Each day is a new day. We don't know how many there are.
As for your siblings, there is not much you can do to make them do differently unless they make that choice. All you can do is ask when you need. The worst that can happen is that you will end up right where you are. Know they will have to live and die with the consequences of their choices. In the mean time you have to do what feels right for you.
I do wish you luck, welcome to the board, and I hope we hear from you soon. Be proud of what you are doing for your father and keep looking for options that will give you some relief.