sisters.... arg - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Gabriel · 10-22-2008, 02:49 PM

The reason I was thinking of Chris's Mom's nails was because I didn't want to think about what was going on with my sisters. I have tried really hard to be as cooperative and helpful as possible. I have tried to communicate without hostility. I had noticed that recently I was getting no responses back from Sister 4 and only minimal responses from Sister 3. I still talk to Sister 2 regularly. I had sent out financial information, information about a lawyer appointment I finally made, and information about my visit with Mom and Dad. NOTHING came back from Sisters 3 or 4 except Sister 3 said she could be at the lawyer's appointment.

While I was visiting Mom and Dad I checked their mail and found an invitation to my great aunt's 90's birthday on November 2. That would involve taking Mom (and perhaps Dad) back to their home town..... a long day trip. I called Sister 3 and during our conversation I told her about the invitation. She knew I had one more night there and made NO mention of me staying with her. I later wrote e-mail so sister 2 and 4 would also know about it. I did make the comment that the lawyer appointment was November 7. That appointment was made where Mom and Dad are for Sister 3 and 4's convenience. That would involve a long stay.... and you have to remember that neither sister 3 or 4 offered me a place to stay the last time I was there... or two 6 hour round trips in a week.

Before I got back home Sister 3 had blow up at Sister 2 telling her that Sister 4 had plans that weekend and that Sister 2 and I would just have to handle the trip for the birthday party. Sister 2 has a trip that weekend that has been planned for a year. I have still heard NOTHING except from Sister 2 so I changed the lawyer appointment to November 3. That way I could make one trip and accomplish both. I put that in e-mail.... along with direct questions such as... "Will you be able to be at the lawyer meeting on November 3?" I also stated that I would be there to take Mom to my great aunt's birthday party. I heard nothing except from Sister 2... who lives 2.5 hours away and she will be at the lawyer appointment, missing a day of work and making it a day trip after she gets back from her weekend trip.

Today, while talking to Mom, she announced that she was going to my great aunt's birthday party. I ask her how..... she told me Sister 4 was going to take her. I have still heard nothing from Sister 3 or 4... whether they are going to the lawyer or Mom's trips to the party. I know that whatever occured that lead Mom to believe Sister 4 was going to take her happened AFTER my last e-mail saying I had changed the lawyer appointment and could do it.

My first thought is to just change the lawyer appointment so it will be local to sister 2 and myself. The two of us have the financial control, POA, wills, and everything else we need to do what needs to be done. The only missing pieces are the medical directives which sister 3 has and I know they are in order. Yet something in me still wants to cooperate.... but how do you cooperate with the non cooperative !!!ARG!!!......

I am just venting. I guess it is just beyond me how some people cut their nose off to spite their face and then blame you when they look in a mirror....

Love, deb

Martha H · 10-22-2008, 04:54 PM

I understand. Mine was similar. You are doing the best you can and more. Don't let them get you down.

Love,

Martha

DrewsG · 10-22-2008, 07:53 PM

Dear deb, Go ahead and vent. I do understand. It seems sisters 3 & 4 are into silly childish mind games. What is their purpose or point? It just doesn't make any sense. I've stopped trying to figure people out anymore. I love your last paragraph. Actually your last sentence.......then blame you when they look in a mirror. Good one deb.
You are doing the best you can. Like Martha said. Don't let them get to you. Thats hard to do I know.
Love Chris

sunnydaze1 · 10-22-2008, 08:03 PM

Deb, how you manage all of this and stay sane is amazing! I really can't identify with what you're going through as I have no sisters. I always wished I had one, but maybe it's a good thing!

Just kidding.

My brothers have left everything up to me...one doesn't live here; and the other one is finally stepping up to the plate and giving me support. I think it's just their own way of trying to deny there is anything wrong with their mother.

I have to laugh when I hear they have trouble handling it or seeing mom "like that"...I am her daughter who has seen the best and worst of her and is the closest to her...and I seem to be able to handle it. Maybe I'm just a bit more like my dad..he could always find a way to solve things; or I'm just a bit more used to seeing mom "like that".

All the best Deb, and you vent anytime you want to!

Gabriel · 10-22-2008, 10:57 PM

Thank you all for letting me vent. I will keep doing what I am doing. I only have one person to answer to and that's ME. As long as I am true to myself and do what I know I should do then I have no regrets.

I think at this point I am bumfuzzled by the drama and chaos created by my sisters when it is so unnecessary. I'm not sure what the purpose or point is Chris. Sister 4 has been on my case since we realized there was something wrong with Mom. Periodically she gathers Sister 3 to her side since they live close by. I think she was resentful of what I was able to do in the beginning. I had worked in the LTC field, was familiar with ALZ, and had the time to spend with Mom and Dad. I believe that she thought Mom and Dad were going to move close to her and she was going to have "fun" with them. Instead it has been a series of catastrophies that she doesn't know how to handle. Yet she is resentful of any help I might offer or anything I am able to do. Thinking about it today I truly believe it is nothing more than Sister 4 is in over her head and doesn't know how to handle the situation with Mom and Dad.... and I am convenient to take it out on. I don't bite back like sister 2 does

Sunny..... I have a couple of sisters I will give you if you would like hehe!!

I'm better tonight. I have more sympathy than anger for my sisters.....

Love, deb