Hi everyone - I haven't posted since August but I look at the message board regularly. I see everybody going through the same things. I have a visiting nurse come to my house once a week and two weeks ago my dad fell the morning of the nurses visit. I had to have the fire department come and help me get him off the bedroom floor, his legs are too weak to go from the floor to a standing position. When the nurse arrived my dad had quite a shiner and was in an extremely confused state. He had a UTI at the time which makes the Alzheimers worse as you all know. I couldn't get my dad to take his antibiotic, he just down right refused, so the nurse told me I had to take him to the emergency room for an evaluation for the fall and UTI. He was admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics and now he has been in the hospital for two weeks. They are trying to get him placed in a nursing home.
My main reason for this posting is to let everyone know not to wait until they have had more than they can bear. The stage my dad is in now is making it very difficult to place him. I only started submitting applications 3 months ago when I was at my wits end. The nursing homes don't want anybody who is too confused, incontinent, needs a lot of care or doesn't sleep at night. They are too much work. He and I have been dealing with the progression for 3 years that I know of. I have done the really bad stuff for 11 months now by myself 24 hours a day but for a 24 hour nursing home staff he is too much to handle. I am so frustrated and so is he. He is a roamer and is used to getting up every morning after a couple hours sleep, having breakfast, getting dressed and then pretty much roaming the rest of the day. Having him sit in a hospital where they have him confined to a small area is making him even worse. If I take him out of there I will never get him placed but the odds of him being placed from the hospital don't look good either. So please, anyone who thinks they may need to place their loved one a few months down the road start the process now, especially if it is a man. Men are harder to place than women. There are less beds available for men. Now rather than being home with him I spend most of my time at the hospital making sure he eats and gets to take walks down the hall. At least I get to sleep at night when I can finally fall asleep. I'm so worried about him that my mind keeps racing and it makes sleep almost impossible. Thanks for listening to me rant and I wish everyone of you the very best with this terrible disease.
I know so well what you are going through...first my mom; and now it looks like I'll be doing it with my aunt.
Often I wonder how I'm going to be 25 years from now...if any good comes from this; at least I will know (I hope to God) that when it's time for me to need care I won't fight it.
This is suppose to be the years I enjoy..I'm only 53; my kids are grown but still home so I'm still being mom with dinner every night. Cooking gives me relaxation at least, and I enjoy it.
But geez....why do I have to be such an angel to mom and auntie as they call me? I guess it's because they know I love them and I'm their really only hope for some sort of happiness in their otherwise mixed up world.
Best of luck to you, I can so identify. You're in my thoughts.
Dear Gloria, I am amazed that the NHs don't take him .. isn't there a law? Can they just reject a person? My Mom was wheelchair bound and totally incontinent and they took her. Please keep trying; you will find a place for him. Also there were a lot of men at Mom's NH, in fact, more than women (it seems wives take care of husbands at home longer than vice versa) ..
If your Dad ever served in any of the armed forces, he is eligible for a spot in a Veterans hospital or NH. Those are much cheaper, and many think better.
Good luck - don't give up. You do NOT have to do it alone.
Gloria...bless you, bless you for being the daughter you are. Like you, I often wonder how most of us are still able to function with somewhat "normal" lives while dealing with this horrendous disease.
Your suggestions are so valuable...hopefully others will benefit from your post. The absolute hurt and concern you are feeling comes across so plainly in what you say...and I'm so, so sorry. Many of us have been where you are...and there are too many who will be following.
Like Martha, I'm so surprised you're having placement challenges. I see you're from Watervliet...is this the town here in Michigan? If so, I'd suggest the absolutely wonderful Alzheimer's facility where my Mom is in Toledo...not too far from you. Let me know...I've had 3 family members in 3 different AF...and this is by far the best. The time will soon come where your Father will easily accept wherever he is...not knowing it's not where he's always been. Sending positive thoughts your way......Pam
I totally agree with everything you said Gloria. I was in much the same situation with no time to find a placement when it became impossible for Mom and Dad to stay in their home. We were extremely lucky and found a wonderful place in just a few days. We do tend to wait until our hand is forced by circumstances.
I am truly sorry you are having such difficulties. Keep pushing the hospital social workers to find placement and keep contacting facilities. There is placement... they just need to find it. Do you know if they have wait listed him anywhere? You never know when the perfect place will appear. I do hope it comes quickly for you. You day will come....
I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers that a door will open for you soon.
Hi everyone - Sorry it took me so long to reply but I spend most of the time at the hospital making sure my dad eats and stays out of trouble. They have him with a bed alarm and don't want him wandering so he is very aggitated. Thank you for your words of wisdom. My dad is a veteran but in order to get in the VA nursing home your disability has to be war related and Alzheimers is not. I checked there first because he has a hard time dealing with older women. I don't understand why.
We don't have many nursing homes in upstate New York with Alzheimers wings so many are saying that the stage he is right now requires too much work for the general population in a nursing home. I just went to the patient advocate at the hospital and I called our congressman who is a friend of mine. He said he would do his best to assist me with this. Think positive thoughts and hopefully something will come through next week. I would hate to have to bring him home but going to the hospital for hours everyday is just as exhausting.
Right now I sit here crying my eyes out because I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. They say GOD doesn't give you more than you can handle but right now I don't believe that is the truth. I feel like I am having a nervous break down. Pray for my dad to get placed in a nursing home, I need all the prayers I can get.
Last edited by gjg; 11-06-2008 at 08:22 PM.
Reason: added a few lines
Don't give up and keep making noises with the social workers and patient advocates at the hospital. There is a place for your Dad somewhere. You will find a light at the end of the tunnel. Just as with little deb there will be an angel that comes to your rescue. Hang in there and know we are all hanging on with you. I will absolutely keep your Dad and yourself in my prayers that you find suitable placement
Oh Gloria...this is scary, isn't it? Many here remember that helpless, hopeless, extremely depressing feeling of what-do-we-do-now. I'm so sorry this is happening to you too. Do you have any siblings that can help make decisions and arrangements, or are you on your own with responsibility?
All three of my loved ones went directly from hospital to facilities...but it took some doing. Sometimes that "aggitation" is there just because WE are there to see it...kind of like our kids were when left somewhere. I found that Mom seemed to settle down soon after I left...still made me feel guilty...but when I found out her moods needed ME to view them, it did bring me a little peace knowing she was where she had to be.
This just isn't an easy process. Be careful about your health too.....prayers coming your way........Pam