You know, it's kind of spooky. We all know each other quite well on this board. We come here and ask questions, answer questions, cry, complain, rejoice...but none of us have ever met. And yet, you are all sooooo wise.
The social worker came to see daddy and me this morning. She was a delightful woman - probably 60 years old or so - and patient and kind. I informed daddy at breakfast that we were a'fixin' to have some company, and he was fine with that. She talked with him. Asked him questions. Gave him a MME. Gave me reams of paperwork, suggestions, shared concerns... and I gotta tell y'all...
You were all SPOT ON! She said daddy was "on the bubble" of being safe enough. Do you know that I had NO IDEA that daddy had not the slightest notion of what to do in case of a fire? She asked him what he would do if the coffee pot caught fire, and he did not even know to go outside. He cannot figure out how to dial a phone for 911.
So here is where we are now: Adult day care 2x a week at least. For him AND for me. And I am to ramp it up when it comes to finding placement. She did not feel he is AL material. It looks like it will be a nursing home. He requires too much assistance at this point to be in AL. I shave him, help him dress, wash his body, etc. Too much for AL. AND - I never even looked at his supplementary insurance to see if there is any coverage there, and I am to do that. AND - Elder lawyer, here we come.
Much to do. But I wanted to let you all know that you can take a bow - you were all quite right about daddy needing to be "placed". In fact, we are at the point where the social worker said that if I DON'T do something pretty daggoned quick, that social services will swoop in here and take it right out of my hands. And all that will take is one more angry outburst, one "wander" episode, or one unattended fall or injury.
Social workers, along with nurses, nurses aides, and preschool teachers are wonderful, giving people. They work for low wages, and help with problems we cannot manage without them. It was the hospital social worker who helped us get Mom on the right Part D and the right Supplement to have as much coverage as possible at lowest cost, before she got on Medicaid. It was also she who recommended using an elderlawyer to make sure she was accepted by Medicaid.
Many social workers also have jobs in counseling and therapy, my daughter is one of them. Their information is invaluable; they know all the agencies in town to give help, they can connect you to the right hospital or NH or daycare center. It is a wealth of help and information many people do not know about.
And, yes, in emergencies they can and have to call in the authorities to remove a child from an abusive situation and even an adult from home where he is a danger to himself and others. It is surely better to take care of it with her help than let others make those decisions for you. GOOD for you for getting help!
Dear L'il Deb....
It is so wonderful to see you getting some help. God bless you for your courage, as I know these are really difficult decisions to make. I always say that a decision made out of love, can never go far wrong, you know?
If you can find a good quality NH, it will mean wonders for yourself and your dad.
I only wish we could find that for my grandma. Uncle is at the point now where I believe he would admit her, but has not found anywhere that he is comfortable doing so. It sounds like there are alot of really good nursing homes in the U.S.......unfortunately not so many in the U.K.
So much to think about, but you are on the right track......
Prayers for you and dad for a peaceful transition.
The social worker is right little deb. It's not the every day routine that is a big problem, it is those unseen little emergencies that either just happen or the confused loved one makes happen. It was Dad plugging the vacumn into the computer batter back up and shorting it out which burned the wall and rug.... and neither of them noticed... that convinced me the end was there. If there is smoke in the den why was Mom outside trying to work on the fuse box? If you smell an electrical fire in the house then why are you still in the house calling me on the phone? I was on my cell calling a neighbor to go over and get them out!!! He quickly found the problem and fixed it but gezzzz.
So get busy and find placement. Talk to the social workers at the local facilities. Get recommendations from anybody that might know. Make tracks to the elder lawyer. Yes, you have a lot to do but you have now made the decision, you have validation that it is the right one, and there is a direction to your journey to the light at the end of the tunned. Adult day care is perfect and gives you time to do what you need to do to accomplish your Dad's placement. Perhaps 3 days a week might even be better
Even I feel a sense of relief..... I am sure you do I have been worried about your Dad at home alone. I will keep you and your Dad in my prayers that you find something quickly.....
PS.... nothing spooky here. We are all in the same boat and the only way we can communicate is to talk to each other. And we do. We bear out hearts, our joys, and our worst fears like nowhere else.
I'm also glad your going to get some help with major decisions lil' deb. Its so hard to do these things alone. Everyone needs some help. I know how much you care for your Dad and how hard you work to see to his every need.
But as with my Mom, you have to know when its best for both of you to change their living arrangements. I could no longer keep her safe or give her the kind of care she deserved.
Nothing is ever easy in the beginning but it all works out for the better in the end. It was a couple of months of hard work mentally and physically. But so worth the effort. She loves her AL apartment. I'm thankful she had the chance to stay there for how ever long it lasts.
Your a good daughter. You should know that and keep it close to your heart.