Husband has Alzheimer's and startng to wonder at 3 AM - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Ada1676 · 11-12-2008, 11:54 AM

Feeling a bit stressed out taking care of him. Things are getting worse everyday. Thats to be expected with this awful debilitating disease.

My husband is 84 started having symptoms in 2004.
His mother lived with Alzheimer's for 20 years. One of his
sisters and brother have symptoms of short term memory lost
Anyone in his family that look more like his mother end up with Alzheimer's.
One sister died from it a few years ago.Had to sign power of attorney papers.

I do not know what stage is at right now. He has forgotten
who people are. He is unable to bathe himself due to the fact that he forgot
what things are. One day while he was bathing, when I opened the door he was under the bathtub faucet rinsing off. From that day I started helping him bathe.

If I tell my husband not to wonder off he gets really angry. At times he starts yelling when you tell him not to. Sometimes I forget to use psychology and start arguing with him about things he shouldn't do.

His dementia gets really bad around 5 or 6 PM. He starts packing some things to get ready to go somewhere. Stacks his shoes in different places. Some shoes get lost temporarily. Hides his wallet and starts accusing family of taking money from his wallet. Some days he says more better you put me in a home. Puts somethings in the car. He gets really mad, if you do not use psychology in choosing the words you use. Like toddlers will do the opposite if you say for example, don't touch the cat.

When his dementia subsides, if he is in a good mood, has a sense of humor. At times he starts talking in French. When I was watching a video about Alzheimer's
. When it got to the part about finances,, he started joking about it. What he said about it, had to do with thinking family taking his money.

Ada

.

Gabriel · 11-12-2008, 03:41 PM

Welcome to the board Ada. I regret that you need to be here but you have found the right place. All of us are dealing or have delt with loved ones that are suffering from various forms and different levels of dementia so we all understand what you are going through. We do understand!!!

Everything you have described is typical/classical symptoms of dementia. A few questions. Is he on any medication for aggitation, anxiety, or control his anger outburst? Do you have any help? I assume he is still at home? Do you have power of attorney for him? That is absolutely necessary because he is unable to make the financial decisions and you need to be able to act for him. You also need the necessary medical power of attorney, living will, or medical directive so you can make medical decisions for him. It you do not have these it would be a good idea to do that immediately.

There is no need to argue with him. His reality is what he knows and it is as real to him as yours is to you. It is frustrating at best but you won't get anywhere with the argument. The dementia being worse around 5 or 6 PM is called Sundowning. It is typical of dementia patients. The experts don't know why..... they just know it is. Mom and Dad both get their "happy pill" about 4:30 PM. It is a low dose of antianxiety medication that helps them get through this rough time of the day. The paranoia is also common. They don't have all the facts and can not store those facts in their head. Because they can't figure out what is really going on it leads them to think that somebody is doing something to them. This is also because the part of the brain that helps them rationalize and control impulses is damaged.

It sounds like you do or will soon need some help with him. You can not stay up 24/7 watching him. The wandering usually gets worse before it gets better. I resisted for a long time but Mom and Dad are now in Assisted living. I figured out that I could not do the work of 3 fresh, well rested shifts of caregivers plus nutritional, medical, recreational, and other staff. Mom and Dad didn't want to leave their home but after a year I can tell you it's much better now than it was when they were home. I see my Dad's good humor more now than I did when he was stressed about keeping up the house and Mom's good humor shows through sometimes now that she doesn't have the responsibility she couldn't handle.

I do understand that inherited factor. My Mom's Mother had ALZ and several of her sisters as well. Some of Mom's half sisters also had ALZ and now Mom has it. Dad's dementia is vascular and a result of all his circulatory problems (heart, PAD, ect). Oh well....

Keep typing here Ada. We have great shoulders, good ears, occassionally good advice, and most of all we do understand. I will keep you and your hubby in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, deb

Ada1676 · 11-12-2008, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DGabriel10

Welcome to the board Ada. I regret that you need to be here but you have found the right place. All of us are dealing or have delt with loved ones that are suffering from various forms and different levels of dementia so we all understand what you are going through. We do understand!!!

Everything you have described is typical/classical symptoms of dementia. A few questions. Is he on any medication for aggitation, anxiety, or control his anger outburst? Do you have any help? I assume he is still at home? Do you have power of attorney for him? That is absolutely necessary because he is unable to make the financial decisions and you need to be able to act for him. You also need the necessary medical power of attorney, living will, or medical directive so you can make medical decisions for him. It you do not have these it would be a good idea to do that immediately.

There is no need to argue with him. His reality is what he knows and it is as real to him as yours is to you. It is frustrating at best but you won't get anywhere with the argument. The dementia being worse around 5 or 6 PM is called Sundowning. It is typical of dementia patients. The experts don't know why..... they just know it is. Mom and Dad both get their "happy pill" about 4:30 PM. It is a low dose of antianxiety medication that helps them get through this rough time of the day. The paranoia is also common. They don't have all the facts and can not store those facts in their head. Because they can't figure out what is really going on it leads them to think that somebody is doing something to them. This is also because the part of the brain that helps them rationalize and control impulses is damaged.

It sounds like you do or will soon need some help with him. You can not stay up 24/7 watching him. The wandering usually gets worse before it gets better. I resisted for a long time but Mom and Dad are now in Assisted living. I figured out that I could not do the work of 3 fresh, well rested shifts of caregivers plus nutritional, medical, recreational, and other staff. Mom and Dad didn't want to leave their home but after a year I can tell you it's much better now than it was when they were home. I see my Dad's good humor more now than I did when he was stressed about keeping up the house and Mom's good humor shows through sometimes now that she doesn't have the responsibility she couldn't handle.

I do understand that inherited factor. My Mom's Mother had ALZ and several of her sisters as well. Some of Mom's half sisters also had ALZ and now Mom has it. Dad's dementia is vascular and a result of all his circulatory problems (heart, PAD, ect). Oh well....

Keep typing here Ada. We have great shoulders, good ears, occassionally good advice, and most of all we do understand. I will keep you and your hubby in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, deb

Aloha Deb,

Thanks for posting.

My oldest daughter name is Debbie.

Is he on any medication for agitation, anxiety, or control his anger outburst?

Not taking any anxiety meds at this time. One of the first anxiety meds was Risperdal. Took him off Risperdal after started having some bad side affects.
Heard that it is one of the worse pills to give to anyone.

He is on Namenda and Aricept.

Do you have power of attorney for him?

Yes, did that after he started, going to the bank and withdrawing large sums of money. One day he withdrew $3,000.00, and forgot where he put it.

Do you have any help?

No professional help yet.

Yes he is still at home.

My next door neighbor has a care home in her house.
She turned three bedroom in to six. She and her husband work for a hospital.

My oldest daughter and her three daughters live on the same island.
If I need help they are available when I need them. We live on the big Island of Hawaii.

He is wearing a GPS tracking bracelet available from the state.
A 300.00 device that was offered for free. Just started offering it for use.
It is free because it is in a testing stage. We were offered it to help test it out. It will not keep him from wandering. Been thinking about buying some double key deadbolts. Just afraid of the safety issue if there was a fire.

My son in law put in a motion alarm by the bedrooms. My husband did not like it so I turned it off.

Best wishes, to all that are dealing with family that have Alzheimer's

Thanks and take care,

Ada

Gabriel · 11-12-2008, 07:43 PM

I am glad you do have some help. That is so vitally important if you are trying to keep him at home because it appears he is not able to stay home alone.

They also put my dad on Resperdal and had to take him off of it. He just simply has a 4:30 ativan and a prn ativan that is given when he needs it. It has calmed down the sundowning and gives us something we can use on those really aggitated days. It doesn't turn him into a zombie and he has had no side effects... except that he's much easier to live with

We have tried several medications on both Mom and Dad to find the one that worked for them. Maybe you could ask the doctor for something else for the aggitation, pay attention to the effects, and then decide if that one is right. There are lots of them out there and something will help.

I understand the money issues. That was the first symptom that hit home with Mom but she tried to give some third rate insurance guys she met at a restaurant $250,000. They got their hands on part of it but I did get it back... except the capital gains, penalties, etc that we lost from cashing out long term investments GRRRRR!!!

WOW, great on the free GPS. At least you have the comfort of knowing if he does get lost you can find him. Wish all states would do that. Dad had an alarm bracelet for a while. It sounded every time he went out of the assisted living facility door. He could not hear it but they could. He now just wanders on the 3rd floor and there are no outside doors up there.

I would turn the door alarm on at night after he goes to bed. That way you will be alerted when he gets up and goes out of the room at night. A wanderer is a slippery sly creature. I learned that the last time I stayed with Mom and Dad. Dad got up, dressed, and out the door without me hearing him. The care givers brought him back to me. I undressed him, got him back in bed, and thought he was asleep... he was snoring. Later.... the caregivers brought him back to me again. That time I hid his shoes. He will NOT go out without his shoes and he woke me looking for them

It it good to have some sort of alarm at night.

I do understand your concerns about the dead bolt double key locks. One of the other gals had a good suggestion. Put a simple screen door hook and eye latch somewhere at the top of the door. It's easy for you to unlatch but difficult for him to figure out. Or perhaps a child's cabinet latch. It would just be enough for him to make enough noise for you to hear.

And my daughter's MIL is in Hawaii. My daughter made her first trip to Hawaii about 18 months ago and did visit the big island. She LOVED it. They plan to go back next summer and I hope to go with them. I have never been but perhaps one day!!! It is a dream of most mainlanders

Keep posting!! Just venting sometimes helps.... I know because I do it enough myself

Love, deb

Beginning · 11-13-2008, 03:24 AM

We were told that AD patients tend to look straight ahead, so that the child latches should be at the top or bottom of doors. We were also told to put a dark floor mat in front of the door. Patients' depth perception can be impaired, and they may view the mat as a hole or uneven flooring that can slow them down even more. (I'm not sure about that, since my husband can walk around in the dark as easily as in the daytime.)

It sounds as if you're describing sundowners syndrome, where Alzheimers' patients become very restless at the end of the day. It's supposedly very common, and might be worse when the patient has had a lot of activity or some stress during the day.

Some advice says to keep the patient active during the day so they sleep at night. Other experts say that a lot of activity can make sundowners worse. You may have to try both, to see which one works for him.