Yesterday, the visiting nurse asked me if daddy was incontinent. No, I said. Well, he does wet himself 3 or 4 times a week, but most of the time, he makes it to the bathroom.
The nurse said to me, "Either they are or they aren't incontenent. If they wet themselves at all, they ARE incontinent."
Did you know that? I thought that meant that they never made it to the bathroom.
Medically speaking, you are incontinent even if you only dribble a little. There are degrees - mild, moderate or severe. If he wets himself 3 or 4 times a week I think he is moderately incontinent.
And part of it is because we are protective of our loved ones. You assume that he has to be wetting himself all the time. To the social worker it's an either or thing. You want him to keep his dignity. To her it isn't a matter of dignity, it's a matter of classification, that's all. Just factual information.
And isn't it amazing how protective it makes you feel towards your dad. They are just gathering information, yet it makes you feel like you should put up a wall around him to protect him with all these caveats on it. No he doesn't do this unless. Yes but not... No unless.....
You are all so right. Being on both sides of that conversation, having parents and also having ask those question, there are definitely two different mind sets. Even a dribble is considered incontinent and Martha is right, there are degrees but it is all incontinent. To us if they are not constantly in diapers we don't want to stick that label on them. In my professional opinion my Dad is there.... in my daughter opinion he's not. His accidents are when he has loose stools so I make excuses but the other half of me knows that he has limited bowl control with is mild incontinence. But shhhh.... don't tell my sisters
