When it rains it pours... Mom and Dad were finally over the stomach virus, Mom's temperment was improving, and this morning Dad started showing signs of a stroke, TIA, or blockage of some sort. His gait has been getting worse over the last few days and today he's talking garbble and "drunk" acting. He is in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. For those of you in the mix daily... it is just as hard to be out of the mix and be sitting and waiting....
I am so sorry. It's not just a reaction to meds do you think?(wishful hoping here) But it does sound like a small stroke...that will only add to Mom's distress too. The hill only gets slippreyer doesn't it? I'm hoping for good news and a quick return from the hospital for Dad...
You are in my prayers...Who has dad? Sister 2 or 3?
I do hope this finds you able to cope. I can't say I hope you find its nothing because I'm sure when someone told you it could be a TIA event, they were probably right.
They always say God doesn't give you more than you can handle but unfortunately it comes awfully close sometimes doesn't it? I know I keep asking why I'm being tested in so many ways.
I'll just give you a towel to hold onto and say prayers for you and yours. All of us here will continue to wish you always the best.
Thank you both. Waiting is the hardest. IBake, I don't think it's med related. His meds have not been changed lately and they are given by staff. We had noticed a decline lately. He recently fell in the bathroom and didn't seem to rebound from the stomach virus back to his previous state. But he was doing much better yetersday and today is definitely a major downturn from every last night.
I just talked to Sister 4, who is at the hospital with Mom and Dad. She was actually in the room with Dad at the time and I could hear Dad in the background... with that thick tongued slur so typical of a vascular event. He had just had bowel incontinence. She also told me that he did not walk to wellness. Mom went down and got help because he was unable to walk down there. He was taken from the room by stretcher.
Sister 3 is home sick with a stomach virus which she aquired because she spent the day taking care of Mom and Dad on Saturday. Sister 4 is with Mom and Dad. I am trying to get in touch with Sister 2 who is evidently in the classroom and not near her phone. I was already scheduled to go Friday so I am trying to get in touch with sister 2 to put her on hold, in case somebody needs to go between now and Friday.
In the mean time there was yet another blow up between the sisters. I was in the process of trying to express my disdain for being invisible. They don't see me or what I do. They look through me to what sister 2 is unable to do because she is working.... and what I do is white washed as nothing more than a cover for sister 2. So the reason for my call to Sister 4 was to tell her I was trying to get in touch with Sister 2, call me if she needed somebody, and I would do what I could. If sister 2 can not go... I will give up my 5th row center seat I have for the TSO concert Thursday night even though they are my most favorite band every and I have been waiting for over a year to see them..... sigh!
You're whining, and it's not becoming. You can go to the concert you know..and yes, you can fuss you know that. You have every right. You know what I think of your sisters three. But hon...go to the concert, then go to your dad. Let them argue back and forth and be angry and hateful. Then when they are done and the concert is finished, go to your parents. You know that they are going to blame you one way or another anyway..., right?...wait..what is dad's prognosis?
Last edited by ibake&pray; 11-18-2008 at 02:29 PM.
i am so sorry to hear this. i have 1 sibling and i rely on him as much as i can. go to the concert- i realize now there is nothing you can do except wait and wait and wait. take 2 hours for yourself and screw everything else. i know its so easy to say and so had to do. go with your gut. enjoy your life.
Yes IBake.... I was whining!!!.... and I'm done. Keep reminding me of my resolve!!
I called sister 2, told her she was going if needed, called sister 4 and told her if she needed help to call sister 2. Then I called sister 3 and told her what I had done and told her to take her stomach virus back to bed. I told ALL of them I would be at the concert Thursday night!!
....phone call.....
I just heard from Sister 3. They are checking Dad out of the ER as I type. They did a urinalysis for a UTI and it came back clean. They are going to culture it but don't expect to find anything. The catscan showed old infarctions (lots of them) but nothing they could determine as new. Finding anything new would be like finding a tiny waldo!! So we still don't know for sure but as the doctor said... if it is a new vascular event we wouldn't do anything more than we are already doing.... feed him blood thinners. So they are sending him home. He did get a courtesy visit from his cardiologist who agreed. So we will see what tomorrow brings.
Thanks for everybody's prayers and wishes..... you are all the best!!!
Try to make it to the concert deb. Easy for me to say, Right? I'll be thinking of you........having a great time. Then deal with whatever comes after.
Sisters?? I have two. Nothing else to say. I thank God for them but sometimes....................They're just too much for me. They don't fight like your sisters. They just gripe to me about each other. I'm the middle sister. Not a good place. Good luck. Keep us updated on your Dad.
Love,
Chris
I am not sure what happened yesterday because I was not there. I only know what I was told. After hearing nothing last night I called this morning and talked to the sitter. Dad was standing in front of the bathroom mirror combing his hear. I also found out that Dad had an appointment with his cardiologist today that I was not told about. I signed on the computer to get yet another nasty gram from sister 3 this time. I have tried to call Sister 3 and 4... left messages on all their phones.... and nobody has called me back yet. I am so tired today.....
Love, deb
PS.... I AM going to the concert tomorrow... They can all kiss my...
I finally got more information about Dad. He was having Atrial Fibrillation, probably cause by his Coronary Artery Disease thus the Cardiology visit today. That would explain his lack of energy and weakness. He is a fall risk because of his leg weakness. He is on such large doses of Plavid that he bleeds out whenever he falls. Weighing the two issues the Cardiologist decided to take him off the Plavix and no other protocal of treatement. I completely trust Dad's Cardiologist... he is a long time family friend that has treated him for 31 years. We were lucky that he just happened to be in the ER last night stopped to hug Mom. Dad will receive his new Walker tomorrow morning. Let's see how that works
Here is the bizzare part... It was Sister 4 that called me. We discussed Dad's condition, fiancials, and my impending trip to Raleigh this weekend. I was for the most part quiet and let her talk... when the facts were exchange I said good bye... We will see what this weekend brings....
But I do agree that with Dad's current condition, and just going off his Plavix, that it is better to have a family member available. Sister 3 and 4 are going to a BIG football game Saturday so that person will be me. I can be angry with them... but I will never ever let it take away from what I do for my parents. Yes IBake..... I'm still accommodating but that's what I do.....
Deb,
Enjoy your time at the concert. It will be a good night out for you. Sometimes I think we worry and get so emotional involved with our loved ones we have a tendancy to put doing something fun on the back burner. I know I do lately. I am glad to hear things got resolved with what was going on with your Dad. I tell ya those blood thinners can be quite dangerous. That is what caused Mom's major Gi bleed last year. It was the combination of Plavix coumadin and asprin. The cardiologist put her on for afib and after having a stent put in. I am glad your dad is back at home and didn't have to be admitted to the hospital. It is good idea that you'll be there to watch him over the weekend coming off the Plavix and every thing.
Have fun tomorrow night!
Pauline, I understand the GI bleed problem. Dad has been off and on blood thinners for years. Bleeds take him off and worsening vascular problems put him back on.... over and over. There is some new research that indicates the combination of Prilosex and Plavid can increase the chance of heart attack... and that is a combination that is used for those like your Mom and my Dad. Just a tidbit of information I picked up from a pharmacist friend that keeps tabs on Mom and Dad's meds.
Sister 2 is with Mom and Dad today. His speach is some better but he is definitely week and sleeping more. That would be explained by the AFib. I am glad I am going tomorrow. I need to make my own assessment and not get information second hand.
Right now I am going to jump in the shower and get ready for supper and the show. Before I met my best friend, who is going with me, I need to find bed risers to lift Dad's chair a few inches so it will easier to get out of and a waterproof pad for the bed. Sister two is washing because under the professional definition of incontinence, Dad is there now. He's definitely on one of those Vascular Dementia fast slides...
Dearest Deb,
I am just reading through all of this post now.....big humongous hugs to you dear friend!!!
One thing you said I have to totally agree with, it is harder to be "out of the mix", and wait for news....that is so true. I'm saying prayers for your dad Deb.....and so sorry you have more to deal with.
As far as all those Sisters go....oh boy, I wish I could introduce them to my aunts, and then they'd know all about the meaning of "invisible". You stick to your guns.....and as you say dont them them take anything away from what you do for your parents.
I for one think you're a wonderful example of how family members should be during this illness. You cannot make it there every day, but you always know how they are, and are always there when the chips are down to help, and are more than involved in their care. Going to this concert represents, that you also do have something other than mom and dad's illness in your life, which is called "balance". And that's a really "healthy" way to deal with this situation.....if everyone dealt with things like that.....so much of this sibling anxiety could easily be eliminated.....
You go, enjoy your concert - you so deserve it!!!!!!!
Come back and tell us all what a lovely evening you had, K?
Love, Caroline xo
Deb,
Rember to take your earplugs and throat lozenges. And I don't want to see any pictures of you being hauled off by the cops in cuffs! We do have some standards you know! Enjoy your concert dear. It's time for you to have a turn at being a normal person and let the other sisters 3 take care of the elders for the day. You can fuss over Mom and Dad this weekend. Taking a break for yourself is what you need..and you know that good and well and I am proud of you for doing it for yourself.
I am also proud of you for what you do for your parents. Your three sisters will never admit it, but you far surpass anything that they do or will ever do. Your parents would have been in a total NH care by now if it would not have been for what you do for them. I know that you will say that it isn't so, but from what I read and what you don't say I do know so hush and accept that we know what a good person you truly are. So let the barbs that your sister let fly just bounce off because we know the truth my dear, and ugly 1,2, and 3 can't hold a candle to you. Now go and have a wonderful time for all of us. I sure hope that the seat doesn't get too crowded with all of us in it. Do we have new towels to wave?
I'm taking sister 2 out of the ugly sister mix. She actually went to see Mom and Dad today... drove 5 hours to spend time with them. I think she did it for two reasons. It is her, not me that sisters 3 and 4 are angry at. They just take it out on me because I refused to follow their lead. First reason she did it was to show up so sister 3 and 4 would know that she is willing to do what she can but she works a full time difficult job, has 3 children, 3 step children, and 4 grandchildren to deal with.... and a life that is good. The other reason she did it was so that I would know all was well to go to the concert. She called me when she arrived to report on Dad's condition and again when she left. She went to PT and Wellness and talked to them while on the phone with me. I could hear the conversation and was putting my questions in her ear and she was speaking them to the nurse and PT therapist. It was GREAT!!!!
Dad has a second eval ordered at PT for evaluation for a walker. That should occur tomorrow. I can find out the results when I get there and help them deal with the new device. Dad is weak, sleeping and napping a lot. Mom disappeared and went to get his lunch without my sister knowing where she was going. Mom is a slippery one. So Sis decided to just let him stay in the room but he did get up and go to the bathroom and other short trips successfully. Sis thinks he needs the walker. Mom's humor is better and she appreciated sister 2 being there today. She also knows I will be there tomorrow which Sister 2 said made her smile. I will get up in the morning, pack, and be on the road ASAP. I will go straight to AL and see for myself.
Then I will spend the night with Sister 4. I have some things to say to her. When I talked to her the other night I was very direct with her and will continue to do so. I have learned a lot from all of you an done of the things I have learned is that I can be too nice.... sometimes I need to stand up for me. For too long I have been let others run over me and that has to stop. I have found my backbone I will continue to be nice and consider other's needs and feelings.... but I will also demand if necessary for me.
As for the concert.... it was fantastic, amazing, awesome and just what I needed. My best friend is wonderful. We had a nice supper at our favorite restraunt and headed to the arena. Got there early and had time to survey the merchandise, get something to drink, and buy some sugar coated nuts that completely blew today's diet.... but it was my night out. We walked to our seats. Wow were we close. The hotty singer... has the most amazing blue eyes!!!! I jumped up and down, clapped, and at times just stood with my mouth open at the amazing show. The concert was a full three hours. I honestly forgot everything. Being that close to the stage, 5th row, with the music and lights... just took me away. Except for the towel that was tucked in my pocket. Yes, I took all of you with me I hope you enjoyed it because I have a phantastic time!!!!
Now I am exhausted, past ready for bed, but there is a broad smile on my face and I Ipod in my ears blaring the same music with light flashes still in my mind. I came here to wind down so I can sleep.... you gals do so much for me. I will be out of here tomorrow for my next adventure...
Aww Deb,
So proud of you and soooooo happy you had a wonderful time!!!
How sweet of Sister 2 to do that, in order that you could have a peaceful and wonderful evening.......
Hope your visit with mom and dad goes well this weekend. Have a safe trip!!
Love, Caroline xo
and it's not becoming. You can go to the concert you know..and yes, you can fuss you know that. You have every right. You know what I think of your sisters three. But hon...go to the concert, then go to your dad. Let them argue back and forth and be angry and hateful. Then when they are done and the concert is finished, go to your parents. You know that they are going to blame you one way or another anyway...
, right?...wait..what is dad's prognosis? 
They don't fight like your sisters. They just gripe to me about each other. I'm the middle sister. Not a good place. Good luck. Keep us updated on your Dad.
