Everyone, well the news is that I'm babysitting for Mother. As those of you may have read on other posts, this is definitely out of context for me but I have to do something. Sister needs opportunities for a life and she is going to her high school reunion.
When I went next door, thinking that I need to set the tone of Mother seeing me everyday, she was swinging away trying to get me to go home. She wan't belingerent per se' but she was not happy I was there. My Sister said, "what are you doing? this is your daughter" and all Mother kept doing was shaking her said and saying "no no no".
I sat down anyway. Sister shared that Mother is having hard time with B-movements. Its because she has a prolasped colon that no one is able to do anything about without surgery and that's out of the question. Mother suffers from this, gallbladder problems and has a shrinking aorta valve, but yet Sister tells me there's actually a doctor suggesting he do surgery on the aorta.
For what? I ask, we were clearly told by all doctors that any type of surgery would require total anestesia and the doctor said, whatever mind she has left would probably be gone.
Anyway back to babysitting. I told Sister that she needs to make sure that Mom either has eaten or that she fixes the plate she wants me to give her. I'm not sure of her dietary needs. She's fine with this. I also suggested that she get mother dressed for bed prior to her leaving because I don't have the strength or the energy to fight with her over clothing. She's fine with this too.
God Bless her. I truly want her to have a good time at this reunion but I'm concerned when people ask her what she's been doing all her life, and she tells them, they may shy away from her instead of giving her the pats on the back for what she has chosen to do with her life.
Does anyone know how to deal with the hours I'll be in my mother's company? My difficulty is in not knowing what she wants or what she says and knowing I'm committing to about 6 hours of this!
Oh well say prayers, but change them to include Sister. May people warmly welcome her into their circle at this party.
I'm so glad that your sister is willing to go out. What a big step for her. Keep encouraging her and keep telling her that all will be well at home. You can do this...Keep telling yourself this also.
Ask you sister what your Mom likes to do. there must be something that she does that keeps her occupied during the day, whether it is folding clothes or looking at pictures or sorting buttons...who knows? Maybe you can bring over family pictures and you can look at them with her...or at least try to show them to her. Any little thing to keep her occupied to help the hours slide by will be good.
Hang onto the towel it will keep you safe..and sane. And three cheers to you for volunteering to sit with Mom. You are a good daughter and sister!
I'm so glad your sister will be able to go out and enjoy this reunion! And I wouldn't be surprised if she finds someone else there who's in the same shoes!
Ibake, as always, has great suggestions for filling up those hours. My MIL has turned out to enjoy wordsearches. We got a large print one for adults at the dollar store. Best dollar I've spent so far! She'll sit for an hour looking for one word in that thing! Every now and then, she actually finds one, too. We work on puzzles together, the 24 piece ones for 3 year olds, which she doesn't get at all, but I coach her through piece by piece. It takes us hours to do one puzzle! But she's using her mind, which I think is important to help her keep what she's got left at this point. (But maybe I'm wrong on that.) She doesn't like TV too much and can't follow a story line at all, but every now and then I put on an episode of I Love Lucy. She likes that and we can sit and laugh together. She also likes to go through her jewelry box, which is filled with a ton of costume jewelry. She'll search and search for matching earrings, wear them for 3 minutes, then take them off again and feel beautiful for the whole day.
I hope you'll find your time with your mom easier than you're expecting and a sweet, memorable time. And three cheers for your sister for finally being willing to take a break!!!
Thank you for the ideas. As I'm reading each one I'm thinking "can she do this???"
All they both do is sit and watch the TV all day. My mother will get very agitiated over a show and will bang the heck out of the TV screen, but Sister just got the set and freaks out. Don't know what it is about the TV that seems to bother her every so often and we have no idea what sets her off like that.
But you are right about what it is. I put an old time movie on and Mom did sit still so I guess the old Nick at night shows may help me.
Word searches are fine but she can't hold pencils any more nor can she see too well with cataracts that the doctor won't work on saying to Sister that 'they're not ripe yet". What the hey? Anyway, pictures might do it so thanks for that idea.
Sister just better keep cell phone handy just in case. I hate to say it. Oh and ladies while this is a good thing for Sister, she informed me yesterday that she didn't give Mom her Namenda but did give her two of the .05 Ativans and she slept longer between wake ups but Sister felt that she won't do it again saying she thought they were too strong. Not sure why she felt that way? Maybe due to the fact that Mom actually slept longer without waking up every 45 minutes or whether she felt that when Mom was awake, she was not doing too well walking, etc. I'll have to ask her.
She still insists on giving Mom all the medication that the doctors previously prescribed even though the visit last week had the doctor saying "you have to look at the medication and what it is for, and if the medicine isn't going to have any affect on her now, why keep creating battles while trying to force feed her them".
I'll let you know how I make out. I'm concerned about my own problem ladies. I saw some minor bleeding about 10 days ago after not having "IT" for 3 1/2 years (since 2005 D&C--1 month after husband passed). Do you all need a laugh???
Doctor's office staff member suggested I get myself pregnancy tests! I was shocked and said "are you kdding me, I have a 24 years old and a 21 year old!" and I haven't had "it" for 3 freaking years!!!!
and you know what they said "what gives you the idea that even so, you couldn't have your hormones rage again and did you ever hear of a change of life baby!!!". Well, I'm safe -- 2 tests later thank God and I peeled boyfriend off of ceiling!. But now tomorrow I'll have to see what that was all about! I hope it is nothing but estrogen throwing fits.
Last edited by caringsister54; 11-19-2008 at 10:24 AM.
I had to laugh at the last part of your post caring.... what a nightmare. I had images of the BF attached to the ceiling by only his nails, cat like! If it continues you should have it checked out by a gyn. I had the same thing happen and it turned out to be an ovarian cyst fed by my hormome replacement therapy. I stopped the hormones, the cyst shrank. Thank goodness you are not pregnant.
As for your mother Saturday. She is probably not able to follow many tv programs. She may remember the old movie style and relates to it even if she can't follow the current ones. My Dad loved cartoons but he hates regular TV and new programs in particular. He will look up and say.... turn that %*&@ thing off.... all I hear is blah blah blah blah. His hearing and ability to understand what is being said make it very annoying for him. So if something appears to be annoying her.... change the channel until you find something that catches her fancy.
Sometimes with Mom and Dad just sitting with them is enough. Old music from their youth also seems to sooth. Old church hymns will do it for Mom and Dad. They don't necessarily have to be entertained at all times. If they say something I respond, always in the positive, even if I have to bend, stretch, or break reality. Overstimulating can be a bigger problem than understimulating. So don't smother her. She might enjoy the break.
Playing with Mom's meds independent of the doctor's advice is not a good thing. Aricept is not a sleep med. I still say your Mom need a mild anti anxiety med and perhaps a sleep med at night.
Don't worry about sister. She will handle what comes her way. You just handle your Mom with out calling Sister unless absolutely necessary. Remember, you can do anything for 6 hours. When it is over you are done. My best advice is stay calm, keep that smile plastered on your face, and nod like a bobble doll. They do tend to pick up on your mood.
I wish you good luck with handling her and will absolutely keep you, your sister, and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers.... from now until it is over... that it will be a special time for you all....
Stress can actually cause that to start up again in some cases! I was tapering off until my last back surgery, which started me back as regular as clockwork. So who knows? Lots of things can affect our bodies in unpredictable ways. Do please let us know, though, what the doctor says. Hopefully, it's nothing to be worried about.
But hey, why not one more to help take care of you in your old age? Go for it while the iron's hot!
Soemtimes with all that we are dealing with we could all use a laugh so here's one a priest said during Sunday Mass
Adam and Eve was in the garden having a big fight. Eve was telling Adam how she didn't trust that he wasn't having an affair with someone. Adam said, "Eve give it a rest, you are the only woman in the garden!".
That night when they went to bed Adam woke by being poked over and over. he opened his eyes to find Eve over him poking him. He said "Eve what are you doing???" Eve replied "I"m counting your ribs!"
Okay are we all laughing yet? Come on, chuckle.
If you want a laugh picture what my face was like when the advice was to get a pregnancy kit. then remember I couldn't even walk into neighborhood store to by it because everyone knows me and my kids! Oh my God, friends, what would my 21 year old daughter say? We've had enough discussions about it as it relates to her and the 4 year relationship she's been in.
Oh well, Its getting cold here in Jersey so if you're in a warm state, God Bless you, send some our way!, I'm not ready for snow.