we finally moved my mother to another facility. it actually went ok. when my dad gets down to a certain amount financially, we can apply for public aid. its a very nice place, but my mother is the most alert there. she talks a mile a minute even though she really doesnt know what she is talking about. i just hope some other people will talk to her. her dimentia is not as bad as i thought, but not good enough to go home. she is going to my house for thanksgiving and i am so much more relieved than i was before. the sadness has become greater for me-she will never go home again. my poor father. does this make sense?
It makes sense...I can understand fully what you you are going through. You're so lucky to be able to bring your mom home for the holiday...I don't dare with mine...I don't think she'd leave my home. I have trouble getting her out of the car to go back inside the facility when we just go to visit a specialist. Treasure your Thanksgiving this year and all the best to you.
Deb...that first time you take Mom out IS a scary thing! (so is the 2nd...3rd.........)...but you'll get thru it and be glad you included her in your special day!
In those first few months after placing my Mom in an Alz. Facility...each of my siblings and I took turns taking her out for meals, ice cream...to the park. She was quite aware of the huge changes in her life...and hated the facility...hated US even more for taking her back each time. Words, actions, glares...even slaps, but after a few times, she realized she had no other choice. Difficult? Of course! Necessary? Sadly, yes...and she did seem to know it.
Soon the times we took her out became more difficult in where we were taking her (doctor, restraunt, store) than in returning with her to the place she now thought of as "home".
I'm glad you're including her...the time will come when this will not be possible. Nobody said this was going to be easy....and it's a good thing....I'd probably give 'em a good bop in the nose! I'll be thinking of you....and remembering the last times I was able to take my Mom out......Pam
I am glad your Mom has been moved and that it is going well. Knowing your Mom is cared for is the most important thing you can do for her. I do understand how you feel. I deal with it every time I visit my parents. They were both uprooted and will not go home. But they are where they need to be. Mom is like your Mom... a little better than many of the residents but not able to stay at home, especially having to care for Dad.
We have taken both of our parents out for various reasons. Dad has more physical problems and can not do as much as Mom and his mental ability is definitely less. Yet he enjoys going to my sister's house and enjoys an occassional outting. He has some confusion when he returns but eventually finds comfort in "his things" that surround him in the AL apartment. He enjoys every minute he spends with his family.
My Mom is another story. She becomes upset when she realizes what she is missing and what she has lost. Yet we hate not to take her. So we do, and we deal with whatever comes our way.
I do hope your Thanksgiving goes well. You will quickly learn what your Mom is able to cope with and how to handle the situations as they arise. Kudos to you for including her and I do hope all turned into a day to remember.
Debbie, you do the best you can and hope for the rest. Keep your fingers crossed and hold your breath and every thing will come out OK. You'll find what you can and can't do with her . She may take to it very well. I hope you have a wonderful thanksgiving with her...
And don't feel bad about feeling odd. We all feel relief and grief and sad about having to have our loved ones in a home. It gives us a miriad of emotions that run the gamut of relief to sadness. And every other one in between.