Thank all of you for me your advice and support. It has helped in the decision that we will need a healthcare professional to help in our home, when the time comes. My husband stopped by the dialysis center to check on the meds list for my MIL(she no longer really knows, for the most part what she is supposed to take anymore) and spoke in depth about what was to come concerning his mother. They suggested we see about putting her back on aricept. She has been seeing a cardiologist since last year when she was put in the hospital. Her heart is in perfect condition, yet this doctor snagged her up, is doing all kinds of tests for no apparent reason, and has changed her medicine and her nephrologist is not even aware of it! Every month I have been driving and hour and a half to him just because she insists on going. She comes right out and tells everyone she doesn't know why!! HMMMM... doc is bleeding medicare!!!! Anyway, that is a whole other story and has to do with the fact that her mind is not working right. My husband talked to them about this also.
I know we have a long, hard road ahead, but dear God I feel better about having someone to help me to help her at this point!!! I'm sure a healthcare professional can help me to help her much better.
A definite step in the right direction!!!
Good! But what you need to impress on your husband is that the time is now not later. And be prepared for your MIL not to like this at all! If she is already having you drive her to a doctor "just because", she probably isn't going to be real wild about having someone in the house to help take care of her. You might want to ask Deb about that battle that she fought!
Your MIL needs to have one doctor that will oversee her meds. A good geriatric specialist that is up to date with AZ care would be the best. One who will work with her other doctor to make sure that everything is in order and that her meds are good. Your hubby might want to talk to her kidney doc and ask for a recommendation. I doubt that the kidney doc is the right one to be the over seeing doc.
Good start...keep up the push and hang onto the towel. Planet AZ is a screwy place to wander in alone...
Making the decision to change is the hard part. That involved acceptance of what is going on and looking at this kind of situation is not pleasant. Kudos to you and your hubby for doing the right thing even if it was the hard thing.
As for the doctor, you are right, she need one doctor to oversee everything. Select one doctor you trust. One that listens to your concerns. One that is familiar with all your Mom's conditions including the dementia and can deal with all phases of her condition. Then make sure all changes are funneled through him so somebody will have a complete picture.
Again... it is great you have finally made a decision. The road is still long and difficult but at least you have a destination for now
Just read IBakes post. My Mom actually agreed to move.... at the moment we were despirate. She thought the move would make her world better but little did she know she would carry her ALZ to AL with her. Since then she has fought us every step of the way. I came to realize it is not the move they are battling against.... they are battling against the fog that hangs in their brain and just blame it on their location, family members, staff..... anything but themselves.
Some days my MIL is seems fairly okay. Like today. My MIL can still do things for herself. Like in home healthcare is enough for now. I guess it's a false sense of "everything will be as it was" and it sucks you right in. It's when everything is chaos and it's staring you right in the face saying "Go ahead, deny what's happening....I dare you!!!" That's when you reality smacks you right between the eyes. When I first posted the other day, things looked really grim and had been for a few weeks or so I didn't expect MIL to "come back", so to speak. I guess, on days like to day, I am as guilty as my husband with wanting to deny it will go downhill....at some point.
Does dementia come and go at times, where it seems as if it isn't as bad? Does a person with dementia get worse and stay worse or is everyone just different.
Mom was in the throws of major melt down last weekend. She continued it until yesterday morning. She would not even get out of her chair to get dressed without major help and encouragement. There were lots of tears and she had no ability to express what she was feeling. Today... she is a different woman. She's up, doing laundry, telling me about her hair appointment tomorrow, and asking about my daughter. Those are extremes and part of the reason for her laps was a mild UTI but it definitely comes and goes. Any discomfort, upset, or newness can send them into a place where they can not cope.
As for in home care.... that was no easlier than AL has been. My Mom despised having somebody "watch" her all the time. We found an angel of a caregiver that took them to appointments, shopping, cooked, cleaned, and basically treated them as if they were her own parents. She put up with Mom's rants for almost a year. She would call me, have me talk to Mom, walk away while I was talking to her and come back with something she knew Mom would like when I hung up. She would let Mom rant if she needed to without taking it personally. Until that last day when Mom was determined to get rid of that lady. Mom ended up landing two good punches. I agreed that it would never work if Mom was going to be physical. She had never done that before and I know it was a result of the disease but that was a deal breaker. That is when they ended up in AL. We had the best caregiver available but Mom's angst made the situation impossible. Some have had really good luck with in home care but Mom loves her independence. She feels more in control in her apartment now than she did with somebody shadowing her in her own home. Just depends on the person I hope your experience is much better than mine was but know Mom might not take kindly to somebody with her. I do think it would have helped our situation if family had been closer but we all live 2-4 hours away
I'm keeping you, hubby, and Mom in my thoughts and prayers that this is the answer to your prayers.....