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Old 12-24-2008, 03:19 AM   #1
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Got through it

Hello,
Thank goodness that's over!! Travelled up, sat for 2hrs. It took 10 hrs in all just to visit for that time period. Hubby suggested I just acted naturally, I did. It was egg-shell territory. I could feel my bro and sis's pen-up attitude. My bro kept on slipping little digs into the conversation, as well as bolstering their own ego's. Boy was I glad when we left. I'm not worth a brass razou today, but hey-ho.

I don't know, maybe I imagined it, but I could actually feel you all routing for me. I honestly could? Whilst I was sitting there concentrating on my mum, I could feel calm. She has deteriorated vastly. Caringsister is right. My bro says that this has been a really tough few weeks since I was last up. I personally feel that it wont be long till she is in a nursing home. I really dont think she's got that long to live.

Have a good holiday all you stalwarts (a compliment ladies)

xx mental

 
Old 12-24-2008, 05:35 AM   #2
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Gabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB User
Re: Got through it

Mental, I am glad the visit went as well as it did and you were able to see your Mom. You needed that for her and for you. I do know how you felt. When my sister was throwing barbs I had that same feeling. You do have an army behind you holding you up and routing for you. Several times I would just smile and nod like I didn't get the underlying criticism thrown in my direction. I could see Martha and IBake smiling with me. You did good. Now I hope you enjoy your Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Love, deb

 
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Old 12-24-2008, 07:23 PM   #3
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Re: Got through it

mentalmum

I am so proud of you and I know all the others are as well. You must understand that no one -- absolutely no one -- can take your self-esteem, friendship, and most of all love -- from you.

If they're having a bad day, don't let them take your happy day and make it sad. So your brother's having a hard time -- tough! You had your turn and now its his.

God knew you'd run up there all the time, so something occurred to prevent you from running up there all the time so you are forced to concentrate on other things.

Be happy you went, remember your Mom the way she was not the way she is and don't let brother get under your skin. Take care of yourself and your health for the entire family, brother included.

Take Care and God Bless -- Have a wonderful holiday.

 
Old 12-26-2008, 07:30 PM   #4
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Re: Got through it

Mental,

I'm so glad that you went and it went as well as you could expect. And yes, of course you felt us. We were all standing right behind you. All of our calm and faith and welcome for you was pushing you through that nasty brother of yours. We were there for you to be able to visit with your mother. That was what we hoped you would be able to do. THAT was what you went to do.

I'm glad that you got that time with your Mom. That was important. You needed to see how she was doing. It will be best when she is in a home and out of the hands of your brother. Best for both your Mom and your brother. It isn't easy for either of them, truth be told.

I'm glad you are safe and at home. Now rest and enjoy the rest of the holidays...you did good girl!

 
Old 12-27-2008, 07:25 AM   #5
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Re: Got through it

Okay folks, you probably thought there wouldn't be a story. Here's how I got through two separate celebrations with two separate issues:

Christmas Eve: Going to mil's house to be with husband's siblings and my 11 nieces and nephews. Thanksgiving, I wasn't feelilng like I belonged here anymore. Everyone for the most part hung in the kitchen with Mom (my m-i-l) and there didn't seem to be room for me. Plus they seem to see each other more often and knew things going on with each other and I felt out of the loop.

But Christmas Eve was different. We all inter-mingled, I got caught up on everyone for the most part. Got to see nephew home from college. All of them for the most part laughed because Auntie has a facebook page but I told them it was only my way to keep in touch with them since they're all moving targets!

Christmas Day: Always fantastic -- one Aunt serves as our matriarch of the family and has a basement to fit all -- being Italian, its one big party. Mother was one of 10 but most are all gone now; I had 27 first cousins and Christmas's passed, saw celebrations for 50 or more people. Plus Aunt would always invite someone she met that would be alone or tell us to invite the other sides of our families as well. A few times my in-laws came.

We had a smaller celebration this year but it was just as loud and boisterous. Sister and mother were there as always although mother seemed annoyed at times that sister would talk to anyone and would get up to go get something or other. She struck or pulled at Sister more than once. In fact, twice I got up and got between them and pushed sister away from mother. I was also committed in my heart that I would either stay home and let sister go herself or leave and bring mother home myself so she could enjoy her day.

Also we always gather around the edge of the room and sing the 12 days of Christmas, sometimes acting them out. But mother pitched a little fit that sister was doing it so instead of both of us singing, I sat and tried to pre-occupy mother so she would keep quiet during the song and sister took the 'partridge in the pear tree' part.


But, got to see cousins from far and near and had a good laugh or two. Mother was asked on more than one occasion, "Aunt Sue, do you know me?" only to see her shake her head, "no". Announcements of achievements were made including my son (passed one of the praxis tests), cousin's children performed their recital dances or sang their latest song (one is making a CD) and my kids pleasured my heart by my daughter singing (she can sing wonderfully, but doesn't--too self-conscious) and son did his usual magic stuff to amaze everyone.

I'm sure my Mikey watched from heaven, was probably puffing up his chest and enjoying the days. He's no longer sick thank God and he's surrounded by the music that was much of his life and he doesn't have to worry about the bills coming in the aftermath.

I miss him each day but know that I'm blessed by God and him for giving me a boyfriend with whom I can share the trials of Mother and Sister and therefore, freeing my kids to not be my shoulder to cry on and allowing them to live their lives for the most part, free from the tension and stress.

As others write about Christmas for kids -- its their time to be free of what life has in store for them as they get older. My husband died at 48, never truly growing up or losing the wonder of the holidays. While he died 10 years after the passing of both our dads, he died without ever truly having to deal one-on-one with parents failings.

That's my holiday and how I got through it. I hope we all have a safe, and healthy new year.

 
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