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Old 12-27-2008, 03:42 AM   #1
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First year almost over

We are approaching the anniversary of my Mom's death a year ago.

As the intense grief wore off, I began to remember the happy times, and now I think of her as she was before dementia took over her body and mind. Yet the sad first anniversary of her passing, Dec 29, is coming and I know it will be a sad day for me.

One of the reasons I love this Board is that I can speak about her, her illness and degression and eventual death, without feeling morbid or abnormal ... funny, people don't really want to discuss it after the first few weeks are over.

I thank all of you for caring .

Love,

Martha

Last edited by Martha H; 12-27-2008 at 04:38 AM.

 
Old 12-27-2008, 06:48 AM   #2
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Re: First year almost over

It is good to remember Martha. Your honest expression of emotions also helps those of us that will come behind you and for that I am thankful. I understand that the next few days will be difficult for you. Your mother was an amazing person and I appreciate you sharing a little of her with me. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this sad anniversary.

Love, deb

 
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Old 12-27-2008, 07:39 AM   #3
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Re: First year almost over

Dear Martha,
I too am going through my first year, but without my DH and the holidays are tough. I've made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas and now there's just our anniversary, (Dec 28th), New Years, and his birthday (Jan 7) and I should be home free for awhile. In reading your post, I was encouraged to know that when the intense grief subsides, the good memories come back. It's only been a little over 7 months for me and I'm ready for the good memories and feelings to return. I'm tired of being sad and feeling like an open wound. My prayers and good thoughts are with you today.

Love Janie

 
Old 12-27-2008, 08:12 AM   #4
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Re: First year almost over

Dearest Martha....
Wanted to offer you my support also over these holidays. I remember last year when your mom passed as though it was yesterday. She sounds like she was a wonderful woman, and you were blessed to have her. Therefore, you miss her all the more. Big hugs to you for this anniversary..........

Janie - I have been thinking of you also, and wondering how you were.......please also accept my warm wishes and prayers for peace......these will be difficult days for you as well......my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love, Caroline xo

 
Old 12-27-2008, 09:20 AM   #5
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Re: First year almost over

Martha
The love we receive from our Mom is something that can never be replaced ,only cherished in our hearts forever.
Hold onto to those wonderful memories Martha.
My thoughts are with you during this time.

Love Pauline

 
Old 12-27-2008, 09:28 AM   #6
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Re: First year almost over

Janie

This has to be the hardest time for you going through all these holidays and special days. I am sure it takes an awful lot of strength to get through these days.
My thoughts are with you during this hard time.
Love Pauline

 
Old 12-27-2008, 11:12 AM   #7
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Re: First year almost over

Martha, I've been thinking of you and knowing how much your thinking of your Mom these last few days of the year. I do love to hear your stories about her and how your getting through the tough days at the moment. Your a wonderful sourse of knowledge and compassion. With a little tough love added in. A perfect combination........for a helpful friend.

Janie, Glad to hear from you. You've been on my mind also. I have to be honest with you. It makes me shiver at the thought of losing my husband with this horrid disease. I know you have a loving family. I also know nothing can replace the love of your life. He would be proud of you. Proud that his death was not the end of your life too.
My thoughts are with you.

Love Chris

 
Old 12-27-2008, 03:20 PM   #8
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Re: First year almost over

You have been in my thoughts also Janie. Hold on tight to the love you shared and with the support of your loving family and friends you will find the strength you need. Know my thoughts and prayers are with you, and with Martha as well.

Love, deb

 
Old 12-27-2008, 04:56 PM   #9
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Re: First year almost over

Martha, my prayers are with you. I know how sad it is the first anniversary. It's not a day that you really want to celebrate. And it kinda makes you mad that other people don't remember it! But it isn't quite as importnat to them the way it is to you. And people are embaressed to be asking you why you are so glum. Mostly because we havn't been taught how to mourn those we have lost.

Janie, I know this has been tough for you also. It does get easier..not pleasanter, but easier to deal with. I can't say that we enjoyed the holidays a great deal more this year, but they were slightly easier to deal with. You also are in my thoughts and prayers....

 
Old 12-27-2008, 06:09 PM   #10
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Re: First year almost over

Martha,I feel for you as the 29th nears. I lost my first wife Aug,25, 1987. but our Anniversary is Dec. 14, which makes it sad around Christmas time.
I love this website too, because I know that the people really feel and care what I am going through, although I am just at 83 years of age I still love to talk with inteligent people. Martha~ I hope you the best,God Bless!
Happy new year!

 
Old 12-27-2008, 07:23 PM   #11
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Re: First year almost over

Martha...bless your heart for sharing your reflections so beautifully! Somehow, a tiny ray of sunshine comes across for those in similiar situations...and I thank you.

The 1st anniversary of the loss of my MIL was the 23rd of this month...this afternoon came the call we'd been expecting about my FIL. He passed away just a few short minutes after my husband's visit. Tomorrow funeral plans will be finalized.

My daughter is home from Oregon and we visited my Mom this afternoon. She was much the same as a few days ago...rigid little body leaning to one side...eyes vacantly staring...and absolutely no response even to my daughter. I'm having trouble sorting my feelings and trying to understand why she is still with us after 10 long years........

I long for an occasion to celebrate her life...to remember the talented little person she was...and your message gives me hope. That's what comes across in your writing Martha...respect and admiration for that little woman who did such a great job raising you........Pam

 
Old 12-28-2008, 04:14 AM   #12
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Re: First year almost over

Thanks to all of you who sent me such kind words of encouragement. Tomorrow is the day. I am happy that my younger son is here from Florida, leaving on the 30th, and I have my daughter and grandsons nearby. They were all here last year when Mom passed away, and were a great source of comfort. Shortly after Mom's death, my son in law's grandma passed away also. We went to two funerals just days apart. My grandsons lost both great grandmas. Both were over 90.

My Dad's death was on December 31 now 31 years ago. My parents died 30 years and 2 days apart. Now I believe thay are together in heaven. I am thankful that I had good parents. parents who stayed together through good times and bad, the last years of the Great Depression, WW II, Korea, Vietnam, the unrest of the 60s, turmoil and stress. They were a great example to me of doing the best you can with what you have.

Thanks all of you for letting me express my grief here.

Love,

Martha

Last edited by Martha H; 12-28-2008 at 11:44 AM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 12-28-2008, 11:06 AM   #13
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Re: First year almost over

Martha, my thoughts and prayers are with you. It is said it gets easier once you pass all the seasons without your loved one, hopefully it does and you will always hold the fond memories of your mom in your heart.

 
Old 12-29-2008, 06:55 AM   #14
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Re: First year almost over

Martha, I'm praying for you today. I'm so glad that you're remembering your dear mom more in her pre-Alz days now. You have so many memories to treasure! You're so blessed to have had such a good mother!

The Lord bless you today as you grieve and remember her.

Blessings,
Emily

 
Old 12-29-2008, 07:28 AM   #15
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Re: First year almost over

Martha - thinking of you today........

 
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