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Old 12-29-2008, 06:23 PM   #1
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But, I didn't open my presents yet! Where are they?

Whoa boy...this was what I was afraid of with mom. She didn't ask why we weren't at my house for the gift giving on Christmas Eve or Day, but she did today.

Told her that she opened up her stuff (which was really only one gift from my aunt that I did show her already) and that it probably was late and she just doesn't recall.

My son (age 22) and I were there on Christmas Day and she did not recognize him at all. Said he was the "same guy" here yesterday..(my oldest son visited Christmas Eve). There was no sense of love towards him like usual. We walked her around and she was very unlike herself, verbally...swearing, saying things like "I'm screwed"...hmmmm...makes me wonder where she heard that. Sounds like something my kids would say..which believes me to think she's heard the aides or anyone around her talking like that.

I get a phone call this morning from the head nurse saying that she suspects a UTI because her demeanor has changed dramatically with saying some vulgar and profane things! MY MOM?!! Hard to believe, but I noticed that she was in rare form Friday so I wasn't surprised.

Visited mom today and she seemed calm...still talking nonsense...but not swearing or lashing out.

I felt so bad for my son...he only sees his nana about once in three months and for him to feel like he wasn't her grandson hurt me deeply. I did my best to assure him that nana isn't the nana he remembers and she does love him more than anything. He didn't let it bother him...says he understands, which I know he does..he's very mature. It bothers me more than him, because I know she would never do or say anything to hurt her grandson, she loves him like she loves me.

A urine sample is being tested today, and the doctor is going to check her meds to see if that's what's causing her behavior that is so unlike herself.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Last edited by sunnydaze1; 12-29-2008 at 06:28 PM.

 
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Old 12-29-2008, 09:29 PM   #2
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Re: But, I didn't open my presents yet! Where are they?

I would put my money on a UTI. I have gotten to the point I can recognize the symptoms in Mom's behavior. The last time I ask my sister to have Mom tested and they swore to me it was not a UTI but something else they had decided. Guess what... Mom had a UTI. The "feeling" she was complaining of and calling constipation was really from the UTI.

You do not need to feel badly because your Mom was unable to recognize your Son. Take him at his word. He does understand. Your Mom can't help it. You have enough on your place without taking responsibility for what your Mom is incapable of doing. It is what it is. Focus on what you can do something about. Hopefully your son's next visit will go better.

Mom opened presents with the family the Saturday before Christmas as we have done for years. She does wonder where a few things came from that are new. Christmas Day she didn't want to go to my sister's house but did laundry instead. She complains that nobody goes to see her. She has seen every member of our large family at least twice each, and some many more times, in the last couple of weeks but very little of that sticks. Dad, forgets you are there if you go to the bathroom and is suprised to see you when you walk out of the bathroom door. It is just part of the disease. Yes, it is difficult sometimes but you have to remember that they are doing the best that they can and nothing we can do will change it.

Love, deb

 
Old 12-30-2008, 05:33 AM   #3
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Re: But, I didn't open my presents yet! Where are they?

I'd like to suggest that you get a journal book of some kind. Keep it in one place and tell everyone its there.

People that visit can (print) write in the book. Small notes to Mom and/or important things that they may notice during their visit and forget to tell someone about.

Then you have something that they may be able to read to remind them of who was there.

Hope this suggestion helps. I suggested this to a co-worker for his mother in a NH and it helped because his sister, brother and him take turns visiting Mom and she'll tell him that no one came or they forget to tell him something that happened and he's surprised about it when he gets there.

Take Care

 
Old 12-30-2008, 07:49 AM   #4
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Re: But, I didn't open my presents yet! Where are they?

My dad has only been in the nursing home since December 10th. We brought him to my sister's house Christmas Day. When everyone was opening their presents he just sat there. My daughter was sitting next to him and asked if he would like her to open them. We were so surprised that he didn't know what to do with the presents nor did he make any comments about what was in the package. Very shocking. He seemed rather drugged Christmas Day and we couldn't understand why.

He ate everything in site. He didn't seem to remember that he just ate. We make special cookies for Christmas and he ate almost 1/2 the tin full of cookies before I could distract him and have someone take the cookies away. I was afraid he would get sick.

My dad doesn't always remember everyone but every once in a while he surprises me. I went to the nursing home yesterday and he asked me where Deana is. That is my daughter. If you asked him Christmas Day what her name is he wouldn't have been able to tell you. Some days I am his daughter, some days his wife and some days his mother. It is very sad but he still has an outrageous sense of humor and keeps everyone laughing.
Gloria

 
Old 12-30-2008, 08:10 AM   #5
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Re: But, I didn't open my presents yet! Where are they?

That is a great suggestion caring. Mom has one but she keeps putting it away with her othe books and doesn't leave it out where it is supposed to be.

I see your Dad's full button is broken too Gig. That's what we always say about my Dad because he does the same thing. I bought him a size larger pants for Christmas because he has trouble buttoning his old ones. My Mom knew to open the presents but made no comment on what was in them. Once she was done she reopened all the boxes over and over. Then she started adding other's gifts to her stack.

I am seeing more evidence of the flash light analogy. Flash light on and they get it, flash light off and then don't have a clue..... and their flash light in their brain is flashing on and off. In time it comes on less often until it is out completely.

Love, deb

 
Old 12-30-2008, 11:00 AM   #6
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Re: But, I didn't open my presents yet! Where are they?

Mom opened all of her gifts Christmas Eve. She had quite a few. I didn't expect her to remember who got her whatever. About 30 minutes later she ask me when she was going to open her gifts? When I tell her she already opened them she always answers "Oh yes, of course I did"!!

Moms "full button" is broken also. I had to smile at your story gjg. There was a tin of my cookies in front of Mom also. My daughter pulled me aside and said "Mom, Grandma is eating the entire tin of cookies. She is going to get sick". I distracted her and my daughter moved the cookies. I ask Mom if she needed anything. She said "Yes, tell your daughter to bring back the cookies"! I had to laugh and so did Granddaughter. We brought the cookies back!!! Minus quite a few. So Gram didn't get sick...I guess the light was on at that moment???
Love Chris

Last edited by DrewsG; 12-30-2008 at 11:02 AM.

 
Old 12-30-2008, 02:38 PM   #7
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Re: But, I didn't open my presents yet! Where are they?

I just laughed at your story Chris. Isn't it amazing what sticks and what flies right by them.

Our major problem now is that Dad doesn't have his hearing aids. One was old and disfunctional and is being replaced. The other had a broken battery holder and is being repaired. So he has neither of his hearing aids. Mom has two for the same ear. She lost hers a few years back and her warrenty replaced it. Months later she found the original one.

I called Mom today and she was irritated at Dad because he had BOTH of her hearing aids in his ears. Yep. Mom has two left ear hearing aids and Dad had one in his right ear and one in his left ear. Mom said she only wanted ONE back!!! I assured her that his were being replaced/repaired and he would have them by the end of the week. She finally decided that he needed them more than she did and she would be ok not hearing all of his jabber!!!

The things they come up with...

Love, deb

 
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