It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-31-2008, 03:21 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Encinitas CA USA
Posts: 5
sdsuncat HB User
I'm new to all this...........

My husband, aged 69, started having significant memory issues several months ago. Finally got him to his Dr. and he's been going thru all kinds of tests - neurologist said there had been a decline in memory and speech over the last 2 months - we're waiting for MRI to be scheduled. There's no diagnosis yet, but clearly it's some form of dementia - possibly a series of small strokes? Anyway - I'm going a little crazy myself and am worried about the danger issues. Just the other night he went out for ice cream and when I opened the living room door in the a.m. I found his keys in the lock. It's pretty clear he won't be able to work anymore which leaves not only the emotional and custodial duties to me but the financial as well. We're living on 2 social securities and his unemployment which will run out in the spring of 09. I also work a couple of part time jobs. I've been on Celexa for about 6 months which has helped a bit, but sometimes the stress is so overwhelming I just don't know where to turn or what to do next. Has anyone else had these feelings (am NOT suicidal) and if so, how have you counterracted them? I would so appreciate some input. Thanks. SDSUNCAT

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 12-31-2008, 03:56 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: charlotte, nc, usa
Posts: 7,174
Gabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB User
Re: I'm new to all this...........

I think we all have had those feelings sd.... especially when we first realize that our lives are about to change dramatically. Facing the unknown is a scary thing. I hate you needed to find this board but I am truly glad you have. The support, advice, caring, and experience here has been a god send to me.

Hopefully you will get a diagnosis soon and know exactly what you are dealing with. For me it was better to know and set a course of action than to be in that limbow of not knowing.

Very important. You need to get a durable POA, medical directive or POA, make sure you are no the HIPPA list at all doctors, and be sure all accounts have your name on them. That will be of utmost importance when you have to handle his affairs for him.

After you get the diagnosis you might want to contact an elderly lawyer. He may be eligible for disability, veterans benefits, or medicaid. It will get to the point, quicker than you might expect, that he will need somebody with him 24/7. You need to decide if you can keep him at home or if you might want to investigate a facility. They are not the dark warehouses of the past. Mom and Dad are in a wonderful Assisted Living unit that is more like a hotel with happy hour and excursions. You will need to watch him. The problem with the keys is typical. Mom left the keys in the van with the van running. You also need to check with whoever diagnosis him about his ability to drive. If he doesn't know to take the keys out of the door is he truly capable of making split second decisions needed if something unexpected occured?

As for yourself, you just have to make up your mind that you can do whatever it takes, get a definitive diagnosis, and determine where you are going. You can call the local ALZ Association. They have support group meetings that are helpful and a wealth of information to help you. You have taken the first step by coming here. Every one here understands where are you because we have been there ourselves with parents, husbands, or other relatives. So keep typing!!! We are here for with you and for you.

I will keep and your hubby in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, deb

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 12-31-2008, 04:09 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,129
dorri HB Userdorri HB Userdorri HB Userdorri HB Userdorri HB User
Re: I'm new to all this...........

Hugs...thinking of you.

 
Old 12-31-2008, 06:59 PM   #4
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Adrian, Mi. USA
Posts: 445
petal*pusher HB User
Re: I'm new to all this...........

suncat...I do understand the stress all this is causing you personally...I am much in the same boat.

My husband (62) has been collecting unemployment most of the year also...his job as a surveyor for more than 45 years came to a screeching halt here in Michigan...as did MANY other construction/labor/etc. workers. There seems to be no indication of his job resuming anytime soon...and he's thinking about starting his SS. I work full time in education...5 days a week, and 3 nights...plus have my own business doing wedding flowers. I keep very busy so I don't have to think about everything that is going on in my life!

My grown children and I have noticed several changes in his behaviors/habits for about 6 months now. He is in remission with leukemia...(2 bouts with chemo)...and at first we thought perhaps the changes were from the chemo.

His Mom passed away one year ago...his Father just this past Saturday ...both had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's 4 years ago...so we see the same pattern starting to emerge.

I am not new to this disease. My own mom is in her 10th year after diagnosis...barely hanging on in the last stage. This is all very scary and intimidating...even tho is has been a huge part of my life for quite a while!

I was thinking about your husband leaving the keys in the door...that, in itself, is not really such a rare occurance! (Probably had that ice cream cone grasped in the other hand...melting away!) I've done this myself! When he starts not knowing how to work those keys in the locks...THAT is the problem. I can't tell you how many times I had to drive out to Mom's to help her get into her house........

Your question was "has anyone else had these feelings?".....Yup! I'm worried more than I can let on to any family or friends........but they DO seem to know. I know my kids, sister, and close friends are seeing stress challenges that have manifested in health issues....so be very careful and try to allow yourself to have no guilt in decisions you have to make in your husband's care!

There are many shoulders among these pages...all of us have been brought together by the same challenges. Each of us seem to be dealing with different stages of this horrendous disease...it masquerades into many emotions and actions that may be different from person to person...but the results are always the same. I've watched this devour 3 loved ones...and now see it starting to gnaw at my husband.............it IS a blessing to have somewhere to talk with others, so please post often.........we're here for you........Pam

Last edited by petal*pusher; 12-31-2008 at 07:01 PM.

 
Old 01-01-2009, 08:12 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Oak Hill, VA
Posts: 3,506
ibake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB User
Re: I'm new to all this...........

suncat,

I lost my mother a year ago to the disease. my father preceeded her by 5 weeks from an anuerism and vascular dementia. So, yeah, I have lost the two most important peopl in my life to this.

I am sorry that you are facing this with your hubby. But Deb gave you the most important first step. Get the POA both medical and durable. and get on all the financial accounts. You need to get this done while your hubby is still in good mental state. So that is first on your list. Once you have those in place you can take a deep breath because you will be able to get all the medical information on his records. The HIPPAA laws have really hurt the caregives.

You will find a good group of folk here that are willing to share their advice and experieces. Pleae come back and keep us posted...and welcome to our group. I'm just sorry you had to find us.

 
Old 01-01-2009, 02:55 PM   #6
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Encinitas CA USA
Posts: 5
sdsuncat HB User
Re: I'm new to all this...........

Thank you SO MUCH for your kind reply and words of encouragement. We have a Living Trust so I already have financial and medical POA.......will keep you posted.

 
Old 01-01-2009, 02:58 PM   #7
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Encinitas CA USA
Posts: 5
sdsuncat HB User
Re: I'm new to all this...........

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement.........I don't feel so alone now. I already have POA - just waiting for a diagnosis which hopefully will come during the this new month. In the meantime, I must figure out how to carry the financial burden:-(........................will keep you posted. Thanks!!!

 
Old 01-01-2009, 03:00 PM   #8
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Encinitas CA USA
Posts: 5
sdsuncat HB User
Re: I'm new to all this...........

Pam, thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I will keep you posted and please, keep me posted, too, on your husband's condition. Best, sdsuncat (but you can call me Claire!)

 
Old 01-01-2009, 03:02 PM   #9
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Encinitas CA USA
Posts: 5
sdsuncat HB User
Re: I'm new to all this...........

Thank you, thank you. It's very comforting to know you are all out there..............

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Any idea what this is? A_Phobia_J Mental Health 4 07-08-2004 04:48 PM
Please Help Me With This Addiction! Creeky Addiction & Recovery 26 06-19-2004 10:55 AM
anyone else have this happen? (oops long) serialnovelist Herpes 5 04-07-2004 01:11 PM
Prostate problems? This is what I do.. groundhog Cancer: Prostate 0 02-26-2004 12:48 AM
Is this depression? (Please HELP!!!) TawnyToad Depression 7 02-17-2004 07:30 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:18 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!