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Old 01-28-2009, 07:29 PM   #1
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okay the stress is going to kill me

Well, I went for my post-op visit and because of the nasty calls flying back and forth between social worker at hospital (who infomed me that they officially released my mother) a hospice worker who was accusing us of 'hiding' resources to pay my mother's room and board, etc. My blood pressure in office was a little onthe high side.

She told me to go see my primary physican as soon as possible because she was concerned with the pre-op tests that didn't seem good. They identified: some minor things

He's not too concerned about the 120 but when I was in his office, he could see I was shaking and asked me what is wrong. I told him what's going on with Mom and how they're pressuring us to pay when we don't have the money, etc. but when he took my pressure it came back 164 over 96. He wrote me a script for blood pressure medicine and told me I'm allowed to start using my very mild tranquilizer he gave me which Mikey died.

Apparently that helped because my pressure went down to 106/72 and didn't go much lower. Tonight he told me not to take the med today but to continue to monitor and I did.

We may have identified a long-term care facility for Mom whose willing to take her SSI and her medical plan coverage for the 180 days. Sister is going down to Medicaid to fill out whatever that paperwork would be. But if she lives pass the coverage, oh well, there isn't blood out of a stone to pay for anything. and Sister and I are just going to have to get to be a hard-***.

Lawyer was great. He got all the material but said with all the calls he was getting happening as fast as they were, he held off doing anything so we haven't incurred any charges to him yet.

But he's there if we need him. I swear. I just want Sister to not have any excuses in avoiding a life. I need her healthy and strong to get a job. Hopefully then when the money is gone and it will be with her living on it and nothing going in to replenish it, so she can contribute to the expenses of the house. BUT it sucks folks.

while I am not a money-hungry daughter and walked away from the money all this time, I'm going to still struggle everyday because there won't be anything left to let me have. I was hoping for just a little of something that would allow me to help support son's last semester at college after 7 years. I've been hitting a CD insurance policy that was meant for him to start his life after graduation and took a loan on my pension that I'm still paying back. Since we were denied student loans for some reason, my son always paid his semester with part-time jobs. With the economy most of his jobs which were paid for by 'discrestionary' income has slowed down so he's not working as much



To all my friends, keep praying
CaringSister54

Last edited by caringsister54; 01-29-2009 at 03:42 AM.

 
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Old 01-28-2009, 10:37 PM   #2
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

I'm surprised your son can not get grants, scholarships, or loans for his college education. My daughter has had absolutely no trouble. Some are loans that will eventually have to be paid back but it's cheaper money than borrowing from a pension plan. She has also received grants and scholarships. She also works. This is her second go round and she wanted to do it herself... and so far she has. She is taking her last semester of classes and will graduate in July after field school.

Does this Hospice lady have a supervisor? I would be going over her head. Hopefully she realizes that there are no hidden assets. That is the first time I have heard of anything like that from Hospice.

As for the BP.... that's stress related. Do as the doctor prescribed. Keep track of the BP and try your best to keep a cool head. I know it is difficult with everything piling on but you need to take care of yourself. You didn't say if the glucose test was a finger stick or an A1c blood test (which should be in the 6 range). I am assuming it was a finger stick and 120 is a little high for a fasting stick but not to be terribly concerned about especially if you e stressed. Normal fasting is between 80 and 100. It is not abnormal for mine to be slightly over 100. Exercise will bring the number down, stress will send it up, what you have eaten and when definite affects the results. I would request an A1C blood test. That shows a cumulative sugar level over a period of months. It is much more accurate than the finger stick. As long as that is a 7 or lower there are no problem no matter what the finger stick tells you. I have had elevated sugar in the past (Yes, the year that we kept Mom and Dad at home) and I have a meter to check mine periodically. You learn not to be alarmed by one stick of 120. It just might be something worth watching for a while.

I know you are not money hungry but the hope was there to make things a little easier. Hope that stll comes to pass. In a perfect world Mom will be settle in soon and sister will find something that fulfills her. I will keep that prayer for you. Just hand on to that great lawyer and the other end of the towels that we are all holding for you. This will be resolved. I do hope life settles down for you soon.

Love, deb

 
Old 01-29-2009, 03:26 AM   #3
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

Praying for you to be able to relax and take things one at a time. A few months from now all your current problems will be solved. One step at a time.

Your BP was not that high, most likely stress alone. After this stressful time is over, you most likely will need no drugs. Traces of blood in the urine can be remnants of a UTI. Have it tested again before doing anything else. Maybe it is now all gone.

The lawyer will be of invaluable help.

Love,

Martha

 
Old 01-29-2009, 03:48 AM   #4
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

thanks to all. I edited my post to remove a lot of personal stuff. I am scared and very stressed. So this on top of everything. I do so miss my Mikey. I think that while he wouldn't want to be 'involved' he would be there to hold me.

I always do the nobel thing and put other people's feeling first. Instead of letting my BF drive home after work and deal with our icy rain, etc. I told him to go to the shore house but then that meant I only had him over the phone.

My mother was apparently more alert the last time sister went into see her. But not sure what that means with this 'not eating' stuff. My sister said it appears that she is swallowing more. Can this happen? Can a small, frail, 90+ lb person go back and forth like this?

Caring

 
Old 01-29-2009, 04:36 AM   #5
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

Quote:
Originally Posted by caringsister54 View Post
My mother was apparently more alert the last time.........Can this happen? Can a small, frail, 90+ lb person go back and forth like this? Caring
Hi Sister, Have you seen the movie "NoteBook"... oh my it is a wonderful movie and even speaks about the patient going back and forth from an apparent semi-alertness to an unknowing with lack of some bodily function. You have great strength within you I can feel it in your words here.

Lu

 
Old 01-29-2009, 05:56 AM   #6
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

to give everyone a laugh

When Jesus said 'give up all your worldy possessions and follow me

do you think he knew about nursing home/hospice regulations and the ******** that comes from it.

I've also decided that once its over, I'm going to look up my congressman and get some law passed even on a state level but more for federal level hoping that caregivers who do this stuff at home for their loved ones be covered by medicare and welfare!

I can't believe how hard its going to be for Sister to get her feet under her.

While she is and was doing all of this, she was not getting paid by anyone but we're going to start paying others? AND when she fell trying to catch Mom from falling at church and she broke her shoulder and needed ex-ray and physical therapy, etc. none of that was covered by any insurance because she didn't have any nor the means to pay for any. We had to use what 'group money' we had to pay for those bills.

I think I am going to try to fight for a bill that would cover all of you who are taking care of a loved one that you don't necessarily have to take care of but want to take care of.

CaringSister54

 
Old 01-29-2009, 07:18 AM   #7
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

Write it up - I'll work for getting it passed in Indiana!

Martha

 
Old 01-29-2009, 07:53 AM   #8
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

someone described the demented, elderly mind as being like swiss cheese.

Some stuff gets filtered out and some of it sticks.

But why does all the stuff you wish would be forgotten seems to be remembered for all time?

 
Old 01-29-2009, 11:32 AM   #9
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

Not always. My Mom tended to remember the good times. When she had no idea what had happened, she made something up and it was always a happy ending.

Example : we had lost contact with one of my girl cousins way back in the 60s due to the death of her Mom, my aunt by marriage. This cousin went to live with her Mom's relatives and they moved away and never let us know where they went.

Well, in the nursing home in an advanced stage of Alzheimers, Mom told me she 'saw' W, and she was happy! She grew up and married a farmer, said Mom, and she saw her carrying a basket of eggs from the chicken house to her lovely home.

I hope Mom was right and W is happy!

Mom also forgot that I had been through an ugly separation, and continually asked me how my Ex is .. I finally stopped repeating the sad story and said, He is fine.

So some of the holes are in the right places in that Swiss cheese!

love,

Martha

 
Old 01-29-2009, 02:17 PM   #10
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

I agree with Lu.... that is an amazing movie, a more amazing book, and a very amazing writer. I have met Nicholas Sparks in person and that story is a spin off of his inlaw's story. Yes, they can come back for a moment or more. I witnessed this many times when working in LTC. A patient would suddenly seem to come around and be more lucid. Then it was right back to their previous state. Most times those moments were a blessing to the families and well timed. Just a shadow of joy in an otherwise dark journey.

Golfhat there is no rhymn nor reason to what they remember or forget. We discussed in another thread that they tend to revert to their base personality. The bitter lady will not become a sweet ALZ patient. If they dwell on the negative they will not become positive. Mom is that way. She remembers what fit into how she feels... or is it that her feelings are a reflection of what she actually remembers, what is the most prominent in her mind. I am not sure but I do know that what she displays is the very frustrations, regrets, and irritations that I know were present before she contracted this disease. She is just less able to deal with them now.

Caring, I am with you. I do think there is some provision for paying yourself for caring for an elderly patient but that just makes the money run out sooner. I do believe there is some provision with Medicaid for the spouse and the house but not money to sustain the house. You are right though... more needs to be done to consider those that do care for loved ones at home.

I know that Mom and Dad were frugal, saved, built a nestegg, paid for their house, and didn't ask for anything from anybody. It is going to take most if not all that they have done to see them through double dementia. I'm beginning to think as Martha.... It's better to just spend it all and enjoy life and have nothing when the time comes. There is so much about this disease that is so very unfair.

So put my name on the list to push for changes!

Love, deb

 
Old 01-29-2009, 02:45 PM   #11
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

Mom and Dad liquidated a lot to fulfill his lifelong dream of returning to his childhood haunts when they built the house in PA. We weren't upset because it allowed them to enjoy that house for 5 years before Daddy died. Knowing that house was there and when sold, there would be money for Mommy made it ok too.

What scared me the most was the fact that the house in NJ was a duplex and while I gave Mom money each month, it was for the right to live there. Had we not put the house in a trust because she wouldn't give it to Sister and I. it prevented any opportunity for anyone to attach themselves to the house and either start charging me rent and make it market value OR evict me out and put someone in who could pay market value.

It just that this was my childhood home and to move would be hard.

So at least everything was put in the trust. The thing they're mad at is the 5 year lookback is LONG over and it leaves them nothing.

They still stand on their soapbox screaming but at least your mother has you and your sister! -- you have to pay her room and board. What money? from where? how?

For profit and not for profit, people can be very nasty. Now Sister is freaking because the place that is getting her has the lowest scores on a report card.

I hope I die quickly and quietly in my sleep.

Thank you.
Caring

 
Old 01-29-2009, 05:39 PM   #12
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

oh caring...i understand and am kind of going through the same thing. Different country but the same thing. And yes, here if you take time off from your job to look after a family member, you are entitled to unemployment. for about 12 weeks.....everybody gets better in 12 weeks right? what a joke..and i don't even qualify....worked 25 yrs and i don't qualify...and a 2 yrs wait for a nursing home...aaaggghhh! what help is there? makes you start contemplating........

 
Old 01-29-2009, 06:04 PM   #13
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

Upatnite -- I hope this makes you laugh.

I was teasing sister that I heard one of our neighbors got rid of their dog when they didn't want it anymore by taking it out for a long drive and letting it out of the car. Sad to say they are a nudge and thankfully they moved. But they did it on more than one occasion and I want to believe that the animals found even better loving homes.

But I said to sister that it was an idea! -- put mom in a car and take her for a ride, letting her out. Not that we'd do it but it did lend itself for us to chuckle over the view in our minds.

Right now at this time (Thursday at 8:57) we have no idea where my mother is. Last call I got was from idiot social worker at hospital that they were moving my mother to a place in a city nearby. NOT the one sister was talking to who agreed to take her.

We don't know if they moved her or not. No one called. Not the hospital she was in and not the nursing home they were sending her to. Tomorrow should be an interesting day. I told the hospital to stop calling me at home when they felt they weren't getting anywhere with Sister. My blood pressure went sky high and my glucose level was high as well. I am on tranquilizers.

They continue to want money, money, money. Whose going to pay when the 180 days are over, etc. I said, would you open your checking account to anyone who wanted the money? Its our checking account and my sister and I don't have to show you anything -- so says the lawyer.

There are numerous older people who don't have anything. My mother is now in that vast array. They are just ****** that we beat them to everything by having the irrevocable trust created and the mandatory 5 year lookback has passed.

Too bad, so sad.

If there's any millionaires out there and they want to provide for her care, please let me know. I'll take all charitable donations.

Love everyone
CaringSister54

 
Old 01-29-2009, 06:59 PM   #14
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

yup the millionaire thing...too bad i didn't marry one. My poor husband (whom i've been married to for 30 yrs.) has been calling me every night here at my moms. i think he knows that i'm on the verge....somebody's gonna get a hurt tonight.....
seriously, i have nowhere to turn other than medication. That is just too sad...
And yes i did get a laugh..thank you...Lori

 
Old 01-29-2009, 10:37 PM   #15
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Re: okay the stress is going to kill me

Caring... can we just rent a bus and do it all at one time? I would be so furious if I didn't know where my Mom was. Somebody's head would definitely roll. That's totally uncalled for and unreasonable.

Upatnite... call the doctor tomorrow. Tell him that when Mom doesn't sleep you don't sleep and something has to be done. Don't take no for an answer. You might want to tell him that if he doesn't agree then you will make sure he is indited with accessory to murder because you are not going to take the fall alone!!! You and your mom both need a good night's sleep!!

Love, deb

 
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