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Old 02-03-2009, 05:46 PM   #1
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Wheels turn slowly....

I finally heard something from Sister 4. Evidently there is a care meeting on Dad scheduled for Dad next Tuesday afternoon to decide whether to move him or not. Until then they have a "respit" room in the locked area for those that need addictional temporary supervision. He is in and out as his temperment changes. She made the comment she wanted "company" for that meeting. Sister 2 and 3 will be working that day so the only possible person that can be there is me and it's a 6 hour round trip. So, do I make yet another trip for Sister 4? I have already made it clear that if they decide to move him, that I support the idea.

Mom is worn down. She feels inadequate to handle the situation and she is. In the midst of her confusion she is dealing with decisions she couldn't make when she was able to. We just keep talking to her and hopefully the postive will punch through all the negative she is feeling. I have noticed a definite decline in her lately as well.

Dad is still halluciinating and acting out his hallucinations. He become very agitated when not allowed to do as his brain tells him to do. Then he falls into deep sleep. There are short times when he is almost lucid and even remourseful but not sure why. He has also been incontinent more frequently of late and made inappropriate attempt to toilet himself in the wrong places. He is having a drop in Oxygen level when any exertion but oxygen therapy is out of the question because 1) he can't figure out how to use it or why he needs it and 2) the trip hazard of the portable tanks and hoses. The drop in oxygen only heightens the confusion.

So we should know something more on Tuesday..... whether I go or not.

Love, deb

 
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Old 02-03-2009, 07:20 PM   #2
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

Dear Deb,
Maybe not my place to say, but if you have already provided your input I see no reason to make the lengthy journey. I know from your posts here that you have enough knowledge to have arrived at the right answer. If sister 4 just needs a hand-holding, perhaps you can provide that via telephone prior to the meeting. Unless you can provide some comfort to your mom, it sounds to me as though your dad will not know you're there, your mom may not know you're there, and your sister only needs you there to spread the burden of the entire decision. If you wish to provide that for your sister, by all means do so, but if the burden is too heavy, I believe you can hold up your end as informed advisor and validater without the travel. Does that make sense?
With love,
Q

 
Old 02-03-2009, 07:22 PM   #3
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

Hi Deb,

Perhaps you can arrange a conference call for the meeting? That's what is done at my mom's facility if need be.

Personally, I'd probably make the trip if I knew it was possible. Due to your mom's decline as well, I think I'd want to be there. But...that's just my opinion.

I don't have the distance to travel to see my mom, but the distance from me and her brain are just as far if not further.

Mom is now talking about Becky, her and my aunt's little cocker spaniel they had as CHILDREN! The past is LIVING for my mom.

Anyway, back to you, my dear. Do whatever you think is best. If you have the time to do it; go...I think I'd rather be there than waiting for the phone to ring with results of the meeting and wished I'd been there.

I'd go for you if I could! Everyone needs a Guardian Angel, and I've been one before many times...maybe that's why I'm here on this earth? I've saved many babies from harm..right place, right time I guess..even was told I was an angel. I'm able to catch them before falling, or once on Main St. with finding a little lost girl. It's unbelieveable how many times this happens. I shouldn't toot my own horn, but I am just giving you some hope in this otherwise dismal disease and world. So, I'll try to catch you and your Dad and hold on tight for the best. You're in my prayers. Hang in there, my friend.

Best of luck Deb, let us know how it turns out.

Last edited by sunnydaze1; 02-03-2009 at 07:58 PM.

 
Old 02-03-2009, 07:45 PM   #4
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

Geez, not only do we have to watch out parents endure this disease we have to make decisions TOO?!

Or as my mom said to the nurse who asked her to count backwards from 100 by sevens,
"Come On!!!"

If it were my brother asking me to come I would be there in a flash but this is not my brother, it is sister #4. (cue foreboding organ music)

Your mom is going through such a stressful time it is no wonder she seems to be deteriorating. It's what happens to my mom when she is handed stress.
It sends them further down the rabbit hole as my brother says.

Do what's right for you. Not for eveyone else. (except your parents, that is)

Love, Meg

 
Old 02-03-2009, 08:03 PM   #5
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

Quote:
Originally Posted by meg1230 View Post
Geez, not only do we have to watch out parents endure this disease we have to make decisions TOO?!

Or as my mom said to the nurse who asked her to count backwards from 100 by sevens,
"Come On!!!"

If it were my brother asking me to come I would be there in a flash but this is not my brother, it is sister #4. (cue foreboding organ music)

Your mom is going through such a stressful time it is no wonder she seems to be deteriorating. It's what happens to my mom when she is handed stress.
It sends them further down the rabbit hole as my brother says.

Do what's right for you. Not for eveyone else. (except your parents, that is)

Love, Meg
Or as my mom said to the nurse who asked her to count backwards from 100 by sevens,
"Come On!!!"


I'm so glad you mentioned that! A few years ago, my mom was asked to do the same thing and she did pretty well...better than I know I could have done and I was only 49 at the time!

Dang...ain't lookin' too good for the strawberry blonde (meaning me) in the near future. YIKES!

Last edited by sunnydaze1; 02-03-2009 at 08:04 PM.

 
Old 02-03-2009, 08:10 PM   #6
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

when it is our turn to take these tests let's use our towels as cheat sheets.

100-93-86-79-72-65-58-51...etc., etc.
( are you all checking my numbers?)

Love, Meg : )

 
Old 02-03-2009, 08:19 PM   #7
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

I'm running to get my pen and paper!!

Seriously, it is hard to do! Or else I'm just too calculator dependent!! LOL!

Thanks,though, Meg!

 
Old 02-03-2009, 10:23 PM   #8
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

You girls made me laugh. My Mom's answer to that question was.... "And why would I want to do that?" That must be a standard question on the mental evaluation list. I do understand why. It's the same reason check book registers and budget sheets disappear. The ability to subtract evidently goes away pretty quickly. Now I understand why Mom dropped the three sets of books she had been doing long before her diagnosis. So take hope if your check book balances!!

Q, I have given my opinion after much thought. I thought it should have been doing last summer! Sister 4 wants somebody to hold her hand and somebody to blame (ME!). I was there for the last meeting on Mom..... and I will probably be there for the next meeting on Dad but will reserve my decision for a few days. I am exhausted from the negative feedback I get yet I want to be there for Mom and Dad.

Today Sister 4 decided to take Mom and Dad to Target. Mom melted into tears when they arrived and cried the entire time they were there. When Sister 4 ask if Mom wanted anything else Mom replied.... "It has been so long since I have been out, I don't know." I understand that it has nothing to do with how long it has been since she was "out" but has everything to do with the fact that large stores and outting confuse her and the recent stress of Dad's decline has her on edge anyway. Her response to such confusion is tears. Beyond that Dad definitely doesn't need the confusion in his day. Oh well... I'm not there, I'm not there, I'm not there. If I say anything about the reason for Mom's tears then I am being negative towards Sister 4. If I have no response then I am not communicating.

Just my thinking out loud. If I do go then there will be something I say or do that is wrong but if I don't go then I am not being support and helpful. My delima is which of those choices I want to deal with and if the trip will be beneficial for Mom and Dad or me. Right now I think I will just watch the snow falling It is so very beautiful!

Love, deb

PS Med.... the organ was playing the theme from "JAWS"

Sunny.... Please be that guardian angel because I need all I can gather!!

 
Old 02-04-2009, 06:57 AM   #9
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

Ladies,

I thank you also for the smiles. I needed a laugh this morning. You girls are funny. I worry about numbers too. I have never been good at numbers. I pray no one asks me to do ANYTHING concerning math. I've told my husband not to let anyone diagnose me on my math skills. His answer........" No kidding".

deb....As far as going to the meeting....I'd wait for awhile to make my decision. Sister #4 is going to be the same person no matter what the circumstance. You know her. If it would help Mom or Dad, and your free for a visit then go. Knowing you like I think I do, you'll go. Because your always there for your family. Its who you are. If your not up to the hassle at the time, don't go. But remember....no GUILT.

I've been wondering about your Dads meds concerning his hallucinations. This was a big problem with Mom a few years back. We decided to give zyprexa a try. Small dose. I came home after her Dr. ask us to just try this med for a while and went on line and what I read scared me. But she was so bad at the time I didn't know what else to do. It helped my Mom so much. Of course you have to weigh the pros and cons for each patient. She would not be able to stay at a AL facility the way she was before the zyprexa was given. Mom had a history of nervous breakdowns and small strokes. For her, with her history, it worked. I've just been wondering what your Dad is taking, if anything ? Moms oxygen levels drop after walking also. I'm sure this adds to her confusion. Couple this with her heart problems and no wonder she gets confused !!!

Sounds like your poor Mom has just about had it with trying to care for your Dad. I'm so sorry for them. Its just terrible isn't it?? This disease is a beast. I hate it so much..........

Oh yeah, when the "specialist" ask my Mom to count backwards from 100 she got the most shocked look on her face and said "your kidding me aren't you? I couldn't do that when I was 20. Much less at 80 !!!!! Give me a BREAK" !!! I just laughed out loud. It made an impression on her because she still brings it up sometimes. Now that surprises me. I guess for Mom it was absurd. I was standing there silently trying to do it and was glad he hadn't ask me!

Love to all, Chris

 
Old 02-04-2009, 08:23 AM   #10
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

Dear DEb....

WEll, we're back to the damned if you, damned if you don't. Makes you wonder why you always bet to be the whipping girl, doesn't it? some of us were just put on this earth to be the beating post for the others....

I spent the night at the therapy walking on a tread mill singing the "abc song". So forget counting backwards. Do you know how many times you can sing abcs in 11 minutes while walking and trying not to fall off of that damn thing? countings got nothing on it......

Deb..you have thought this out ad nauseum. And as usual you have hit the nail on the head. Ugly #4 only wants moral support. She doesn't want you there for your answer, or for your opinion or for your expertise or for your knowledge of your parents and -to be truthful- your insightful knowlege of how this is going to affect them. She just wants someone else there so she has another body to bounce things off of. No answer required. Then if something goes wrong-you are again to blame. If it turns out right, you will not be credited with any of the decision making.

She can't stand on her own two feet when there is a crisis, but she can blame everyone else.You are just a stand in in her drama play on family. So I don't think that you will even get minor billing on the play bill for this one!

I can see that you feel the need to go to see how Dad and Mom are faring during this tremendous chaotic time in their lives. I don't understand how #4 would think that taking them out to Targe would releave any stress. Knowing how bad your dad has been taking him out of his home enviroment isn't wise. And the confusion certainly isn't good for Mom at this point either. Peace and calm would be the best thing for her...and your dad. But then who are we to say that we know what is best for them, eh?

My dear, go if t gives you peace of mind to see them. But put your battle armour in the trunk..oil it before you go. And you might just tell your lovely sister to keep her mouth shut before she makes any comments to you or you will shut it for her... You can tell her that you are only there for your parents support, not for her benefit.

Isn't the snow lovely? abcdefghijklmnop.....

Last edited by ibake&pray; 02-04-2009 at 08:24 AM.

 
Old 02-04-2009, 08:59 AM   #11
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

I've wondered about those number tests, too. I'm pretty good with numbers, so they'll probably be a good measure for me (should it come to that ), but my MIL couldn't have counted backwards by sevens when she was 20, much less NOW! I agree: Come ON!
Emily

Last edited by BlueAtlas; 02-04-2009 at 08:59 AM.

 
Old 02-04-2009, 09:41 AM   #12
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

Thank you all... and especially IBake. You organize my thought so well.

Chris, Dad is on Lamictal 25. It's common usage is for Epilepsy and maintenance trestment of bipolar. It is also effective for post traumatic stress disorder and borderline personality disorder. Because of the up and down emotional status the doctor suspects bipolar tendencies as a result of the dementia and I must say that I am agreeable. I have seen it. The manic hyperactivity of the hallucinations followed by the near comotose down where he sleeps deeply, followed by depressed periods of remorse for what he doesn't understand. Then we do it all again. Lamictal is used when other antidepressants and mood stabilizers are ineffective. It is also dissipated by the kidney rather than the liver and with Dad's limited liver function that is necessary. I to worry about the throid disfunction he has related to this med but he is on synthroid so perhaps that will be ok.

I still question the digoxin that he was put on after his AFib episode. I am sure I will never convince the sisters and doctor to DC that med but this change occured after the AFIb and digoxin was added. Who know which one, if either or both, might be a contributing factor.

IBake, you are absolutely right. After the last visit I totally lost it with Sister 4 and told her I intended to back out of her drama. I have no intention of defending myself. She can rant all she wants but I will not respond. She can think what she likes. I know me and I am truly sorry she doesn't. Yes, it stings but I am getting used to it

And now I have to go to the dentist for a check up. This southern gal doesn't like to drive when there is slick stuff out there but I gotta do what I gotta do. The roads are not bad but there are slick spots. We had about one and a half inches of snow but the roads were warm so the first melted. Now it's 20 degrees so it's all turned to ice. We southerners don't drive because we don't get just snow. We ALWAYS have ice with it....

Love, deb

 
Old 02-04-2009, 10:10 AM   #13
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

i bake,
Thank you so much for the smiles this morning. You do have a way with words Lady. Makes me laugh out loud. I'm here by myself and good thing because I'm still laughing. I talk to my computer also. I wait for someone to come along and lock me up. Your just plain FUNNY. Thanks again. I love it. I think being locked in the house because of the snow is getting to me. I can't wait for spring.

Love, Chris

 
Old 02-04-2009, 02:33 PM   #14
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

Ah, but you know, fools that they are, those testers have never changed it to count backwards by 6, or by 8. So we can write down the progression on paper and memorize it while we brush our teeth. Then we can rattle it off and be pronounced well, even when we are in stage 5 of dementia ...

let's see 100, 93, 86, 79, 72, 65, 58, 51, 44, 37, 30, 23, 16, 9, 2, minus 5 ..... did I get it right? I used pencil and paper ....

Love,

Martha

 
Old 02-04-2009, 04:45 PM   #15
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Re: Wheels turn slowly....

Good idea to bring that cheat sheet but I'm thiniking we won't remember it or even worse, we'll hide it!!! AIIIGH!
Meg

 
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