caringsister54

Teressa

I remember your earlier posting and then you disappeared. I'm sorry for what you are going through -- this is exactly the walk we just finished.

In our case, Mom fell due to de-hydration and weaknesses from a sedative given at night. She was put into a hospital for the dehydration but then we gave them her Living Will/Medical Directive. It simply stated:
Should I become incompetent or have a medical condition that is incurable and untreatable, nothing is to be done to prolong my life or delay my death.
From that point on, the answer was very difficult for my sister and I.

She was IV'd in the hospital. Hospice assessor told us to go visit their hospice center and we did. But they wanted money up-front for 30 days and we didn't have it to give them, so they wouldn't take my mother. Hospice NJ then called me and said that the hospital social worker told them that there was money there but that we refused to release it to anyone. They'd be willing to take my mother but they needed assurance that we would pay and I said we don't have any means to pay! -- they refused to take her.

We then found that they actually wrote up and enforced DISCHARGE paperwork and took her off of the IV but also called me saying they wouldn't release my mother to return home, which was fine because we weren't asking for her to be returned home, we could see how bad she was. They put her in a nursing home and she was there just about two weeks. My sister went everyday. We could see they made attempts to feed her.

We knew that for about a week before she went in, she was fighting my sister on eating. She wouldn't or couldn't swallow and she would throw her food off the table. She wouldn't drink her Ensure either and this was the last thing that they do. The hospice worker said that it does happen that their brain going into such a slow pace, almost like hiberation. As a result they don't feel hunger so they don't want to eat. Then they don't or are unable to swallow.

My mother laid there with her hands curled sometimes. She wouldn't or couldn't open her eyes and all she truly did for the last 2 weeks or more was sleep through out the entire day but there were times when she'd fight it and become very noisy which would disturb the roommate in the room, so then they would sedate her. So we weren't sure if she slept all the time because of the dementia's terrible end or was it the times they did sedate her. We just know we haven't seen our mother or any semblance or her for quite a long time.

I will not gloss over this. Her inability to eat and the resulting deterioration of her was not pleasant to watch. I saw her twice in the entire time she was in the NH. I just couldn't go and see her anymore. At far as my heart was concerned, my mother had died about 5 years ago. She has not been able to talk to us or say her wants or needs for 2-3 years.

It was heartbreaking but I know with her death in the early hours on Sunday, it was a release from the bondage of this illness. she is happy and at peace.

if you have POA, you may have to choose to make this hard decision when its clear that she can no longer process the food to retain its nutrients.

I feel for you. We've just been through it these last 3 weeks, we were lucky that we had the Living Will/Medical Directive

Love
Your CaringSister54