Emotions - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

CAJ0818 · 02-19-2009, 07:24 AM

Hi Everyone,

As you know my Mother has alzheimer and in the last six months she has lost two of her best friends. The first time I went to the nh to tell her about her best friend dying, I was ready for her to cry her eyes out and be very upset. When I told her, she said oh really, was she still living at the Morris house? (this is where the friend had lived probably five years ago). No emotions, not anything. Now another one of her best friends has died and I went to the nh yesterday to tell her, and she said I know I about fell over when I read that in the paper. (I had not realized it has already been in the paper) Where are the tears, the emotions, there are none and this really concerns me. Is this part of the disease, does this give you some idea what stage of Alzheimers she is in? Has anyone else dealt with this?

lookingafterdad · 02-19-2009, 10:26 AM

Hello,

My dad has Vascula Dementia, and Nov last year, my daughter( Dads Grandaughter) died of Lung Cancer
Dad was in hospital at the time due to a fall, and having a hip replacement. When he was told about Sharon,
he just replied Oh, and then went on in big detail about how this doctor who was a friend of his, had been and told him he could go home for the night, and com back in the morning.
( All made up fibs)..
But what got me was , No emotion, just like you say in your post, it was like iI had told him it raining or sunshining. there was nothing
I wanted to scream and shout at him that his grandaughter, my daughter had just died, didnt he feel anything?? But then on reflection, he prob didnt.
Also noticed when I tell him something, he dosnt really listen esp if he has something on his mind, he talks over you , and you just wasted your breath telling him whatever you said...
As for what stage your mother is in, have you read the post 7 Stages of ALZHEIMER'S ? I had the same question, and after reading that post got a better idea of where my dad is.hope this helps
Love Helen

meg1230 · 02-19-2009, 11:01 AM

HI...We too have had to deal with loss and for us the consequences of telling mom..when her sister died, she was strong and held herself together but after the funeral she drifted further into the rabbit hole of dementia..it was a bad break and it took us a few years to get her stabilized...then her husband died and though the decline wasn't as bad it still was a decline. Now her best friend in life died this past September and we decided to not tell her. She lived on the opposite coast and so far we have bluffed our way through. Mom knew her friend had been sick so we tell her that she is in a hospital and is unable to talk..we tell her that she is resting comfortably. Her friend's last words were a message to my mother..she said, "tell her I love her". Heartbreaking.
After both her sister's death and her husband's there were never fits of mourning...but sadness for sure. It was contained but the sharp decline in the disease is how it affected her the most.

Love, Meg

Martha H · 02-19-2009, 12:45 PM

Absolutely. This is a part of the disease. They lose their ability to empathize and sympathize with others.

It may help to remind yourself that her mind has regressed. Eventually it gets back to her own childhood. Like a 2 or 3 year old who has no ability to comprehend death. This happens in the late stages of the disease.

My Mom forgot that she had ever been married or had children and grandchildren and even great grandchildren. Once in a while, a light switch went on and she temporarily remembered someone, like my son in law (her granddaughter's husband.)Otherwise she would say, "some people were here but I don't know them." It was her sister and her nephew.

Just imagine if her sister had died first and we had told her - what emotions could she show about a woman she didn't remember ever knowing?

Since your Mom remembered the house where her other friend had lived, she still has some intact memory, but it apparently does not reach as far as to remember any feelings she may have had for this woman.

It is a sad, long, slow decline. Sorry you are going through her suffering.

love,

Martha

debbie g · 02-19-2009, 02:57 PM

my mom has vascular dementia and usually forgets what we tell her. but if i told her something bad, like a death or someone being very ill, she will start to cry. she would get the story mixed up, but she would somehow remember. so we decided not to tell her anything bad at this point.