I spent part of my afternoon visiting a facility that does have a vacancy and can take mom and Dad. I was impressed. It is a small unit, only 20 beds, and it was bright and cheerful with a wonderful outside enclosed area that had this wonderful arbor that was covered in wisteria.
The entire facility is small. It looks like an old victorian house with wrap around screened in porch. The assisted living area is stunning.
But the most impressive thing to me was the people. Even the sales manager was so knowledgeable of dementia. It was not just book learning either. It was from interaction. She knew every resident by name and history.
There was a lady in the ALZ unit that came up to me to show me that her shirt and sweater matched. She was such a delight. I later met her daughter who just happened by the facility. This lady was in another living situation just a month ago and was combative and constantly agitated. Her daughter was raving about the changes since she had moved there. Yep, I was impressed.
We also had a discussion about doctors and medication. They do not have an in house physician because they use a clinic of doctors in the area that specializes in ALZ patients, their physical conditions and behavior modification. I even brought up the Namenda issue and she assured me that if I wanted to try Mom on a lower dosage that would be no problem.
And, talking to her she brought up something that had evaded me. Mom's room now is at the end of a long hall. Nobody passes by her room. If she is in the room she is isolated unless it is a med tech bringing meds or a caregiver just checking on them. Mom does feel bound to Dad. She doesn't want to go far. So being where she is in the building is isolating her. This new situation, their room door opens across the open hall way from the living area where everyone congregates. She also told me that they pair up residents when they move in. Those with like interest and ability. They encourage them to get out and visit with each other.
Beyond that, with Mom's abilities she would be able to go out into the assisted living area for activities and Dad would be cared for. They would encourage this as long as she was able.
Siste 2 is going to drop by and look as well. I was impressed that one of my nieces, as soon as she found out where I was looking, checked the place out and assured me she could go by almost every day at lunch since she worked right down the street
I am so hoping I can pull this off!
The only draw back is the room size. It is truly a downsize from what they are in but ......... the benefits I see
So I am going to try to find out what the status of them having to move is.... since the sisters that are there are not giving information
"beep, beep, beep".
That's the sound of the bulldozer being off-loaded from the truck that Martha and I are sending your way.
Bulldoze your way past Sister 3 and 4 and talk to the facility directly. Then do it!!!!
While doing it won't hurt your parents long term, the positives aren't just a better environment and potentially better care. It will be that you will have the support of the niece as well as Sister 2 AND you will be able to sleep better at night!
'beep, beep, beep". "back it up Martha!, Polina! watch out, Pam make sure she doesn't hit the ooops, tree
Hey Deb, psssst over here I'm hiding because of the tree incident.
Just know that as you are there for us, we are here for you.
Go Ahead and just do it. You have our permission. It'll only be hard for a short time and then you will see, it'll be better
Your description of this place sounds exactly like where my Mom is! Hope you just go ahead and make plans for placement...you know this is a step that has to be done...and this sure sounds like the solution!
I've found all the employees where Mom is have tremendous compassion and understanding of loved ones placed there...this is such a blessing.
Deb...you're the oldest of "the sisters"...you've always been the one to help the younger ones to understand what's going on around their lives...you've done it all your life. Surely they will understand and appreciate now...it'll take time for a couple of them, but I'm sure it's always been like this.
Too many good things are coming your way to ignore.....so glad you've posted this info to give us all a chance to encourage and celebrate with you, my friend!..........Pam
This sounds like the perfect spot. Why are you worried about downsizing? You dad won't remember what he needs in a few weeks. And it won't be long before your mother doesn't need anything besides her chair and bed and TV and clothes. A good AZ unit uses the bedroom just as a place to sleep. They encourage the patients not to stay in their room so personal effects are worthless. And as the disease progresses they won't remember what the items are so important for anyways. Be brutally honest about girl. The place is more important than the things. The staff and people rate over the "stuff."
This sounds like a winner and not something that you want to slip away...
Remember the old "what goes around comes around?" Well, you are now in that position. do the business of moving your folks and don't bother with the communications until you are finished....
This sounds wonderful. Like Martha said "If they can afford it, go for it". Moving them is not going to be easy on them or you but hopefully its going to be for the better. Let me tell you I'm tired and I just moved Mom down the hall. Wish I could help you. Bless your heart I'd love to be of help to you. They are going to have to be moved somewhere. Right? Where is this place?
This move is a big undertaking BUT I have all the confidence in the world it can be done. I know you will forge ahead on this. The results and benefits of this new environment will out weigh all the hard work that is involved in putting this all together.
I know you can do it Deb. I know you will plan out every detail and every step that needs to be taken to allow for a smooth transition.
Wish we could all lend a helping hand with the logistics of the move for you!!
I hope it all works out well and am hoping for best...
for us, after we got mom's care in our hands, things improved immensely! The disease certainly didn't get better but her attitude did! We can actually refer to her as sweet most of the time now. I would have never believed it!!
Sounds like a lovely place for your mom and dad. As Ibake&pray said, downsizing shouldn't be much of a problem. My mom is rarely in her room unless it's just to sleep or for a private visit. She doesn't even look at the nik-naks I've brought in, or the family pictures, unless of course, I pick one up to show her and I have to tell her who it is.
Anyway, good luck and be glad you've found a place that you're going to be happy with as well! Let us know how everything works out!
Last edited by sunnydaze1; 02-20-2009 at 03:31 PM.
First... I am running away from Martha and Diane and that bulldozer. Gezzz lousie, those two are dangerous hehe. Look at that poor tree.
I did some futher investigations today and found out that they were one of the first to volunteer for the new four star rating for adult care facilities. Eventually it will be a state wide rating of all such facilities but for now it is voluntary as to who goes first. They were in the first group and after about 50 facilities. I looked up their rating.... and it was the highest rating granted so far. Evidently I was not the only one impressed with them.
I did talk to Sister 3 today. I actually called Mom and Sister 3 answered the phone. Evidently Mom had a CAT scan scheduled, she didn't know why, that sister 4 didn't know about until Wednesday. So she was staying with Dad while Mom went with Sister 4. Hummm... could it be the follow up CAT scan for the uterin mass they found and said they were going to do a follor up CAT scan? I wonder
Anyway, Sister 3 said that nobody had mentioned the move again. She didn't know of they were waiting to see if the med helped or what. She also said they had not done anything about finding an alternate facility for them. I guess they plan to do what was done last time. Ride around looking for a facility with Mom and Dad in the back seat like you would look for a Motel 6 near the airport when you had to catch a plane the next morning. I told her what I had found. She was impressed. I truly believe she would be happy to send Mom and Dad this way.
I am torn between moving Mom and Dad if it is not necessary knowing how long it took Mom especially to even begin to adjust. And she does cling to her stuff still. I did call the case manager for Mom and Dad but she is out of the office until next week so I will see what this weekend brings. Mom has been in a good mood for the last three days.... we are due for a melt down.
I will have to say that Sister 4 sent me an unrelated message on the web community we are all in. I had to laugh. She did what she thought would send me into orbit and firing at her but all she has gotten is silence. It's been two weeks and she's trying to creep back in. That will come and when it does, she will also know what my intentions are. She can accept it how she wants. She will not see that I am actually doing her a favor because she is drowning in this situation. I'm trying to make this as easy on everybody as possible and I have a little time to work with. I am not thinking the best for me but for Mom and Dad. And I will figure it out.... but ding dang it this is one amazing facility from the outside looking in.
Look at it this way. You have already been told once that your parents are going to have to move. Why wait for this to become an issue again? You are just sitting and waiting with baited breath. You know that the next time there there is a major flare up and dad gets on his high horse and Mom starts her major southern melt down in the middle of the hall they will inform you that your parents can't be controlled and you really do need to move them., Why wait until you receive that phone call again? Everyone is just sitting waiting for the shoe to drop. You know that it is coming. The question is when. The home has already told you that they can't handle them. Right now your parents are calm so the administration isn't pushing the issue. But you know as well as I do that the first sign of trouble you are going to hear those words.
My concern is that when you get the call, there will be no time for them to move. They will tell you you have 48 hours to get them out. What are you going to do with them. We are then back into the knee jerk management. Then you have to move your parents somewhere that you are not totally satisfied with, but it is the only place that you can get them into with in the hour span that you have been alloted. Have you thought of this? I'm sure that your sister has her head buried in the sand and is sure that everything is hunky dory and the stars shine in the sky and the moon rises and sets and all will be well on Planet AZ. Well that aint so and you know it.
Far better for you to be prepared and move mom and dad while they are calm and not having an episode. This is an easier time for them to move than when they are all wound up and in the middle of meltdowns and issues. That is far harder for a new staff to deal with and far harder on your parents. That takes a longer period of adjustment all the way around. In fact Drs. prefer not to move with patients who are in the middle of episodes. Let's be proactive and move mom and dad to this gem of a facility while you have the chance before you lose it.
Did you ever consider that thisnew place was sent to you -and you found it for a reason? Perhaps your folks guardian angels knew they were in need and lead you to this place...I do believe that things happen for a reason. You were given this chance at this place. Now don't lose it. take it and make the change for your parents sake.
Last edited by ibake&pray; 02-21-2009 at 06:09 AM.
DEB! Please consider this a gentle nudge to GO AHEAD AND MOVE 'EM!!
Many of us here have been at the exact spot you're in...and we know the feeling of trying to please everyone...and the responsibility involved. Maybe that's a little of what's going on in your family...they are used to looking to the oldest sibling for guidance...all eyes are on you now! Deep in their hearts they have the trust that has built up their entire lives.......
You're doing well my friend! You've done your research...you know in your heart this move would improve so much for both parents. The inevitable
will surely come no-doubt-about-it.
Both parents will continue to deteriorate...
They will most likely need to be seperated as the disease progresses...
IBake is correct; possessions will mean less and less, then nothing...
They are in a perfect situation to be moved and your research shows this to
be an opportunity to get them in a close facility and still let them remain together for a while.
You have shown us all many times your thoughtfulness and care in dealing with sisiters...and your parents. You've given great advice to others who gather here. You've shared with us this wonderful opportunity that lay before you...................we're SO behind you now!...........Pam
(Have to give a giggle.....I just posted this and should have realized Ibake was rapidly typing away the very same encouragement at the same time I was!)
Last edited by petal*pusher; 02-21-2009 at 06:22 AM.
I am hearing you all!! I need to talk to the care manager. There is a lot to consider for my parents, my sister, myself. I also want to check with the lawyer on some legal stuff. Yes, I want all my ducks in a row.
As for the guardian angels Jill. Yes, they will lead me in the right direction