little update - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

dorri · 02-24-2009, 11:30 AM

Hi, I'm back from my visit with mom. Mom was quite confused during the time we were there. She had one of her episodes in the hospital where she took off and when they brought her back she collapsed. They still don't know why she did because her vitals were okay?

On top of the A/fibs she has a heart valve that isn't closing properly but the doctor said that is common. They will now be doing a mugascan just to confirm the eko findings. They say she has congestive heart failure. They have her stabilized and hopefully her problem won't be back soon after.
Her CT scan came back with no change from Sept. This makes me happy because they thought she was more confused and forgetful as a result of strokes..well, it remains the same. She will be having a geriatric assessment this week and from that will confirm whether it's dementia or not?

Since we left I heard she is very with it. I talked to her on the phone after I got back and she sounds good and not so confused.

I was hoping that I could have left with a pleasant memory. My sisters and I were sitting around her bed, and she looked at me and said " You! what good are you! your no good to me! can you take care of me!? I need a nurse to look after me!". Two of my sisters were there and both are nurses so I was made to feel pretty useless.
When I thought about it, she was right, I am no good to her, she needs more than what I can give her. She was being realistic. Right now she knows she needs to be cared for, but I question where her other emotions went to?

caringsister54 · 02-24-2009, 06:41 PM

Oh Dorri,
you are a good daughter and don't forget it.

Between my sister and I, I felt and realized the difference between my relationship with mom and my sister's relationship But there was also a difference in my relationship with my Dad's and my sister's relationship with him.

Please don't take what your mother said personally. It isn't her talking but her fear. My sister basically said the same thing about a year ago ago "you're going to have to take care of me when I go blind", etc. and this was after she was told she has macular degeneration and cataracts

Please don't fret. All of us here know you have the ability but with the experience in the field that your sisters have, let them be the primary and you just support them in their decisions.

Don't internalize this -- You want something from your mother she is incapable of giving and you fretting over it will give her more control or power over you.

Please know we are all here loving you, supporting you and guiding you.

Your
CaringSister54

dorri · 02-24-2009, 07:13 PM

Thank you for your comforting words..you are so right..I think I'm still needing my mother's love and I'm finding out that she can no longer give it.. or so it seems.. ((( hug )))

ibake&pray · 02-24-2009, 08:52 PM

Dearest dorri,

We all long for our mother to look at us and tell us that she still loves us and wants to give us a hug and a kiss. Unfortunately at this stage they are regressing to childlike behavior. All she can think of is saving her own self right now. She cannot focus on anyone else but herself. Sad as it may seem she in incapbable of anything else..and it is at a time whe we need them almost as much as they need us. So much for being the sandwich gerneration, huh?

But you are always going to get that hug here. <<<hug>>>, because we know that you care for and love your mother and are doing all that you can to take care of her and nuture her. Hang in there dear. Hold tight to the towel, we've got the other end.....hugs to you...

dorri · 02-24-2009, 09:33 PM

Thanks, and yes I am grateful that you all have been so supportive. I really do appreciate that.
I think I'm just tired, sick, and it doesn't help that it's hard for me to accept what has happened to her? Logic tells me that her mind is going/gone/ but my heart is still clinging to my mom the way she use to be wanting her to come back. Someone give me a kick into reality. I need to quit thinking of myself.