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Old 02-24-2009, 10:30 AM   #1
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little update

Hi, I'm back from my visit with mom. Mom was quite confused during the time we were there. She had one of her episodes in the hospital where she took off and when they brought her back she collapsed. They still don't know why she did because her vitals were okay?

On top of the A/fibs she has a heart valve that isn't closing properly but the doctor said that is common. They will now be doing a mugascan just to confirm the eko findings. They say she has congestive heart failure. They have her stabilized and hopefully her problem won't be back soon after.
Her CT scan came back with no change from Sept. This makes me happy because they thought she was more confused and forgetful as a result of strokes..well, it remains the same. She will be having a geriatric assessment this week and from that will confirm whether it's dementia or not?

Since we left I heard she is very with it. I talked to her on the phone after I got back and she sounds good and not so confused.

I was hoping that I could have left with a pleasant memory. My sisters and I were sitting around her bed, and she looked at me and said " You! what good are you! your no good to me! can you take care of me!? I need a nurse to look after me!". Two of my sisters were there and both are nurses so I was made to feel pretty useless.
When I thought about it, she was right, I am no good to her, she needs more than what I can give her. She was being realistic. Right now she knows she needs to be cared for, but I question where her other emotions went to?

Last edited by dorri; 02-24-2009 at 04:10 PM.

 
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Old 02-24-2009, 05:41 PM   #2
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Re: little update

Oh Dorri,
you are a good daughter and don't forget it.

Between my sister and I, I felt and realized the difference between my relationship with mom and my sister's relationship But there was also a difference in my relationship with my Dad's and my sister's relationship with him.

Please don't take what your mother said personally. It isn't her talking but her fear. My sister basically said the same thing about a year ago ago "you're going to have to take care of me when I go blind", etc. and this was after she was told she has macular degeneration and cataracts

Please don't fret. All of us here know you have the ability but with the experience in the field that your sisters have, let them be the primary and you just support them in their decisions.

Don't internalize this -- You want something from your mother she is incapable of giving and you fretting over it will give her more control or power over you.

Please know we are all here loving you, supporting you and guiding you.

Your
CaringSister54

 
Old 02-24-2009, 06:13 PM   #3
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Re: little update

Thank you for your comforting words..you are so right..I think I'm still needing my mother's love and I'm finding out that she can no longer give it.. or so it seems.. ((( hug )))

 
Old 02-24-2009, 07:52 PM   #4
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Re: little update

Dearest dorri,

We all long for our mother to look at us and tell us that she still loves us and wants to give us a hug and a kiss. Unfortunately at this stage they are regressing to childlike behavior. All she can think of is saving her own self right now. She cannot focus on anyone else but herself. Sad as it may seem she in incapbable of anything else..and it is at a time whe we need them almost as much as they need us. So much for being the sandwich gerneration, huh?

But you are always going to get that hug here. <<<hug>>>, because we know that you care for and love your mother and are doing all that you can to take care of her and nuture her. Hang in there dear. Hold tight to the towel, we've got the other end.....hugs to you...

 
Old 02-24-2009, 08:33 PM   #5
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Re: little update

Thanks, and yes I am grateful that you all have been so supportive. I really do appreciate that.
I think I'm just tired, sick, and it doesn't help that it's hard for me to accept what has happened to her? Logic tells me that her mind is going/gone/ but my heart is still clinging to my mom the way she use to be wanting her to come back. Someone give me a kick into reality. I need to quit thinking of myself.

 
Old 02-24-2009, 08:43 PM   #6
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Re: little update

hey i dont understand what you are going through. I lost my husband Nov with lung cancer. but my heart goes out to you with what you are going through with your mom.

 
Old 02-24-2009, 08:53 PM   #7
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Re: little update

I'm so sorry disney world. Hope you are holding up okay.

 
Old 02-24-2009, 09:46 PM   #8
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Re: little update

Dorri,

I'm glad your Mom is doing better since you have returned home. At least that is some good news for you. It is so very hard when you become a Mother to your Mom. I would give anything if Mom was like she used to be but thats not going to happen I'm afraid. And to hear hear your Mom say such hurtful things to you must be so hard. I'm so sorry. Your not useless Dorri. Your a loving daughter.

I know how hard this entire thing is on you and I'm feeling some of the same things. We are all here for you and we certainly understand your pain.

Thinking of you,
Love, Chris

 
Old 02-24-2009, 10:12 PM   #9
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Re: little update

Thank you for understanding Chris... hugs

 
Old 02-25-2009, 12:05 AM   #10
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Re: little update

I also understand how you feel Dorri. We all want our Mom's and Dad's and loved ones back. We don't want to know what is happening to them. We don't want to rationalize or understand. Sometimes it is just overwhelming.

You have to know that in the moment your Mom may not of even known who you were. No, she was not being rational and you don't need to internalize the things she said. Mom has said horrible things to me and turned around the next day and said horrible things about another sister while she was telling me how wonderful I was.

Jill is right, At this time your Mom is too preoccupied with herself to think of anybody but herself. Also remember that light switch. There are times when you Mom will seem more lucid. Then there will be those times when she has not touch with reality. I do wish she was doing better when you were there but at least you know she has settled down since you returned home. With the medical treatement, hospitalization, the chaos and confusion that surrounds it, it is no wonder that she is confused. Being better now is a small miracle within itself.

I am glad her medical conditions have stabalized and also glad you are finally getting a diagnosis with the geriatric evaluation. You are all doing all you can for your Mom and that's all you can do. Yes, you are probalby exhausted from the trip and need a good night's sleep. Know we are all here hanging on to those towels for you.

Love, deb

 
Old 02-25-2009, 05:31 AM   #11
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Re: little update

dorri whenever Mom would say some not so nice things to me (Lately she has been as sweet as pie to me because she is so sick). I just try to remember that it is because she is so sick and helpless and angry that she has to lash out at someone. Some of the things that have been said can be very hurtful but I try to remember it really isn't her saying those things. That always kind of helped me.
I hope your Mom continues to improve with her medical conditions. It's not easy!!

Love Pauline

 
Old 02-25-2009, 07:49 AM   #12
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Re: little update

Dorri,

I went through many of the same emotions you are feeling with my mother. She was always there for me, and it hurt deeply when she started calling me names. I had a REALLY hard time dealing with that. I kept trying to pull mom back into the now....I kept looking for that mom I had as a little girl. I guess I was feeling like I was that little girl again, needing her mother to love her, instead of calling her every name you can imagine.

I am thankful that 2 days before she died in January, that I heard those words "I love you" again.

This is the most dreaded, awful disease. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Just let her words roll off your back, and know that she doesn't mean it. *HUGS*

 
Old 02-25-2009, 07:52 AM   #13
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Re: little update

Thanks everyone. I know on some days when I'm tired or sick I don't think as postively as I should. I came back with the stomach flu and that drained me good. My sister had the flu when we were there.

I got a call from my sister saying mom is back into being overly confused again. She is back on 1V and apparently her potassium is low. I will call her later and find out more.

 
Old 02-25-2009, 07:55 AM   #14
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Re: little update

Fourt9rkim. Your words are my words exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks

Last edited by dorri; 02-25-2009 at 09:12 AM.

 
Old 02-25-2009, 01:14 PM   #15
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Re: little update

We all have bad days Dorri, especially when we are exhausted and/or not feeling well. Those days we truly need each other to help us over the speed bumps life puts in our path. Ok, so some of them are mountains rather than speed bumps!! I am so sorry you came back with the flu. That just makes everything worse. With the low potassium level it is not surpising your Mom is back to confusion. The heart muscles need that potassium to beat properly and regulate the blood pressure. The diuretics that are used for congestive heart failure depletes potassium. It's a vicious cycle to get everything regulated. One of the symptoms if low potassium is psychological behavior changes such as confusion, hallucinations, psycosis, and depression.

It is truly a balancing act to get it all right. I do hope the IV will help regulate her a little better today. Hang in there.... we are holding on to the towels with you and won't let go.

Love, deb

 
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