caregiver burnout??? - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

upatnite58 · 02-28-2009, 10:02 PM

hi all, well i have been with mom at her assisted living apt. for the past 3 weeks. i literally ran out of there. i feel ashamed to admit that i just couldn't take it anymore. Mom is about mid stage five. i think she see's me as a ten year old. she can't even cook for herself and she keeps asking me if i'm hungry??? honestly 27 times in one hour. you must be hungry...you haven't eaten at all today. good God...yes Mum ive eaten....NO YOU HAVEN'T, YOU HAVEN'T EATEN ALL DAY!!!. telling her that i have doesn't seem to have ANY effect. I'm 5'5' and weigh 130 lbs. obviously i've eaten!!!! Then the questions start about where my husband is??? he's in Quebec City Mum he'll be home in 3 weeks. well where's your husband??? in Quebec City Mum...well where's your husband?? this is just a taste of the repetative questions. where's my daughter?? where's the one with the children?? you mean my daughter? yes..where is she?? 20 times in one hour...
God help me i hired a nurse to come in and check on her and put her name on a list for a nursing home..and i just ran out of there. What is wrong with me?? i literally feel like i have PTSD, i'm hiding under the bed right now...avoiding peoples calls...is this caregiver burnout that i hear so much about?? I am an only child..so i can't hide forever...what do i do????

Martha H · 03-01-2009, 04:23 AM

You diagnosed yourself correctly - 3 weeks into living with a stage 5 AD patient, you came down with the dreaded caregivers burnout. Lucky for you that you escaped in time!

I had it when I lived with my Mom. Some of my symptoms were, heart palpitations, insomnia, crying, screaming into a pillow, eating too much fatty food, neglecting my own teeth, feeling suicidal and desperate.

Caregivers in nursing homes work 8 hour shifts, and in the rest of their day they can rest, play with their children, go shopping, go out with friends, etc. You (and I) were 'locked' into the sick person's life 24/7. No one can stand this. Add to the repeated questions and irrationality the inabilty to use the toilet, wash themselves, eat properly, take the right meds at the right time, and you are not only a companion to a person in another world, but a full time nurse as well. I repeat, no one can do it!

Placing her in a good nursing home will be the best possible answer, and I hope you can find one very soon.

Love,

Martha

DrewsG · 03-01-2009, 11:32 AM

Oh My God.....do I understand and have great sympathy for you. I spent 10 hours yesterday with Mom and I thought I would lose my mind until I left last night after putting her to bed. The same questions over and over until I couldn't talk because I lost my voice. Mom isn't getting better its worse every day. I'm completely exhausted today...........burned out, stick a fork in me, DONE.

I'm not sure how long this can continue because its just too much for any of us to handle. Nothing sticks.......NOTHING. There is no way in this world that I could have lasted 3 weeks.... no way.

Martha is so right about a NH move. You can't keep this up because your no good to your Mom if your not well yourself. I'm not sure whats going to happen to us at the moment and I'm too tired to think about it now but I'm so glad that you have made the decision for yourself. Get some rest and I'll be hoping that she is moved soon.

Love, Chris

mary09 · 03-01-2009, 06:42 PM

Hi there....

Sorry for what you are going through.....but honestly, I completely agree with Martha and Chris. My uncle is my grandma's sole caregiver pretty much, and all the symptoms that Martha has mentioned below, he is going through, she is right on the money on this. No one can do this by themselves. I guess you could say he is "doing it"....but he is killing himself by doing so...and in turn neither one of them is getting the proper care. Please dont let yourself get to that point........

Hugs to you.....

Love, Caroline xo

caringsister54 · 03-01-2009, 07:53 PM

To all of You

After reading these posts, I cringed because we were always frustrated by the fact that Mom couldn't talk at all.

I guess you don't know how bad you have it until you talk to someone who has it worse.

At first we were both frustrated that Mom made a sound in her throat when she just sat and was breathing. It was so aggravating. And Sister would say, it wouldn't be bad if Mom just stopped making that noise. Then she did but she also started the screaming or la la la-ing all the time. After a few months, it changed to her saying 'ah ah ah' that was accompanied by brief moments of unconsciousness.

This was the last 4 or 5 months. Hard to remember these bad times now that she's gone. It true God makes good memories so that the bad don't last that long.

Oh well, I said it before as I said it now -- God Bless the Caregivers.

CaringSister54