What a wild and crazy week it has been! Mom was right on Death's door a week ago. She was on a Ventialator, Kidney failure, heart failure, Liver problems and a upper Gi bleed. Well the bleeding stopped. They did a couple of procedures got that under control. She has been having daiylsis for the Kidneys and to get the fluid off the heart. They took the ventilator off of her on Saturday afternoon. She is breathing on her own and doing real well. Tonight they are going to more her a step down out of the Critical Care Unit. She is very confused. The nurses have had to call us at night to talk to her and calm her down. She gets very confused and anxious at night time. So if we talk to her it calms her. It is the sundowning.
I just cannot believe once again she has pulled through another life and death situation. There is something in her that is just not ready to go yet. Sometimes I think she just wants to make sure she out lives dad. Which she just may end up doing. Poor dad being her #1 caregiver at home and now going through all this hospital stuff is going to do him in. She will definately being going to Rehab and this may also be the the cross in the road Dad will have to give serious thought and make a decision to have her placed in a long term facility. I cannot see how she can recover from this and come back home. I really don't think it is doable this time. The thing is we cannot tell until she comes home and see how she beahves in the home environement. By then its to late because they need to go from hospital to facility you can't go from home to facility? She definately is going to rehab we do know that. Then I guess we will see how she does there.
It's still a day to day thing with her medically. I am just trying to plan ahead as well. I know dad has alot going on in his mind as well. I think he knows he may have to face the inevitable this time and place her in a long term facility.
I was thinking of everyone just haven't been able to post with running into the hospital and working. I just wanted to let you all know she has turned the corner again!!
She is certainly a fighter isn't she? I'm so glad that you have more time with your Mom. Now if your Dad will only realise that she needs more care than either of you can provide your life can be easier and you can spend quality time with her in a long term facility. I know its easier said than done. I've been thinking of you all and wondering how your Mom was doing and how you were coping.
I know how exhausting these hospital stays can be on the family. It just wears me out completely. Keep us updated Pauline and again I'm so happy for you and your Dad.
I'm so glad that Mom is doing better. She is one tough cookie! Perhaps your father will see that it is time for your Mom to be somewhere where she will get round the clock care now. He certainly can't expect to do it all by himself now, or does he expect you to move in and help? This would be the perfect transition point for her to move into a care facility.
I hope that she continues to improve and make progress...hugs to you and your mom.....
Thank you for your hugs and wishes Ibake and Chris.
I know you know exactly how these hospital admissions can be on all. You have certainly had your share of them as well.
I actually moved into their home 4 years ago to help out and have still been there helping. That is why it is now to the point of a facility.
With Dad and I doing all the caregiving (him more then me) as I still have maintained my full time job it was getting VERY difficult. In a couple of days now that mom is out of the woods I am going to sit down with dad and discuss the long range plan. This is the window of opportunity to make the right decision.
So happy for you that your mom is doing well......I know hard much of a struggle it is...and I'm so happy you're getting a much deserved break from the worry. We so need those breaks to keep us going!!
I am pleased for you and your Dad that your Mom seems to have pulled through this latest crisis. She is absolutely a fighter. As Dad has said before, God's not done with her yet.
What you described does sound like sundowning. Those late afternoon and early evening anxieties with more confusions than the rest of the day. It could also be a function of the hospitalization. All the bumps and noises and people moving around in the night can be confusing if you are not sure where you are and why.
As for the move from hospital to long term care.... yes it is easier to go from the hospital to rehab to long term care. Then you have the facility social workers and others to help you along the way. There is also some priority shown to those that come from hospital settings. Beyond that, once your Dad gets Mom home again he probably will not want to let go, just like last time. With all of her medical conditions she truly does need 24/7 care by professionals. She needs that nurse around the corner to recognize her symptoms. Keep pushing Dad to make that next step
Again... I am so pleased for you both that mom has given you more time with her and that she is doing better
Caroline & debbie:
Thanks for the hugs yes, we are getting a little break from the direct care of mom right now. Our bodies are getting a rest from it, but our minds are still overworking on everything that is going on with her medically.
Now that Mom is out of the woods so to speak medically I sat down with dad last night and broached the subject of long term care. He knows she is definetely going to rehab next. That usually involves a good month or so. I know he is weighing over and over in his mind the future plan after rehab long term vs coming home in his mind. I try to remind him of the days and nights we were up and all over the place wearing ourselves down taking care of her. He ended the convesrsation with me last night be saying: Lets take it day to day right now. He said one thing I have learned with your mom and all her condiotions is you cannot plan to far ahead as something always throws a monkey wrench into the plan. So for now I rested my case.
I will back off a little bit, but I have not rested my case completely.
You didn't get a no from Dad and that's progress. You are right about long range plans. You never know what tomorrow will bring that will change everything. At least he is thinking about it. Let's just hope that he doesn't forget how tired you both were when she was there.... and I am sure you will remind him. At least you have a month or so to prep Dad for what needs to be.
I am glad your Mom is hanging in there and you can get a little physical rest. You need to rest your mind as well. Mom is in good hands. I do hope all goes well for you Mom, your Dad, and for you. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.....
Sometimes its not for you to tell your Dad but the others from the hospital or the accessor from some long term care facility. If you know someone who is a relative that has a medical background, they should also talk with him.
You unfortunately are not such a hard-A** like I was with my sister. I had no problem calling a spade a spade. If she hated me, or hates me -- that's fine. Someone had to say it, point it out to her, and continue to tell her.
the one turning point is when I literally told her she couldn't just dump mother on my kids when she needed to make a fast run out like the bank. First off, she didn't need to go to the bank right then and there but she never planned ahead, never planned anything. it was "okay, I hear them next door!" and then she'd stick her head in the door and say "you have to watch grandma, I have to go out". She never told them how long it would be, ask them if they were home for quite awhile or what. It resulted in my kids calling me at work that they needed to leave and what should they do.
As soon as I put my foot down and said she was choosing this lifestyle but neither I nor my kids signed on for it, did it start to sink it. yes, she did get it the rough way -- and yes, i could tell she felt a lot of anger that I didn't come over each and every day and sit with both of them, etc. I know she felt overwhelmed but plugged on day after day. And yes, I carried a lot of guilt within myself during that time. I felt like crap that I couldn't offer more than emotional support and sister doesn't know how many nights I cried myself to sleep over what was happening next door.
I don't feel guilt now. I had to be the way I was for myself, my family and most of all for them. Yes, it was tough. It was tough to convince my sister not to force the pills into Mom as it was just prolonging what was happening.
Dementia is horrible. Whatever created the disease or whoever (the devil, satan, etc) really has given the world a horrible thing to deal with.
My mother is in a much, much better place. Whole, happy and surrounded by those that loved us all. She's a young, vivacious individual with all her gorgeous hair and is dancing the lindy, peabody, and jitterbug. She, most of all, isn't sick anymore.
Pauline, sometimes God makes someone do the tough calls, the unthinkable decision, the hard calls that needs to be made. The stuff that they 'shoot' the messenger over. Some of us have the ability to take the shots, others just can't. Its not pleasant and I suffered from the criticism and anger that came my way by being like this but I know God has me on the earth and in this position and will reward me when I'm gone
It is amazing some of the things she has managed to pull through. Unfortunately each and everyone of those medical situations has thrown her further into the dementia. Each hospital admission she has come out more confused. This time she is very confused. Her speech is even slower. Everything has to be said to her at a very slow pace. She was transfered from the hospital to a medical acute care unit about a mile up the street from our house. It is a great facility it has so many components to it. medical acute care, sub acute care, rehab and long term care. Geriactric care. I am hoping we will utilize a lot of the resources in this facility for her.
It is amazing that she has managed to get this far. When a week ago she was on a ventilator in the critical care unit of the hospital. She is such a fighter.
It is good to hear that your Mom was moved to a good facility close to you that you will be able to take advantage of for a while. Yes, your Mom is a fighters but it is taking it's tole. I will kep you both in my thoughts and prayers Pauline...