Mom and Dad update. - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Gabriel · 03-10-2009, 07:58 PM

Dad seems to be holding his own and the meds are working. As far as I know there have been no more hallucinations or episodes of wandering. But he is sleeping a LOT.

Mom on the other hand is definitely on a downward slide. Some days it is almost impossible to carry on a conversation with her. Other days she just rants about whatever comes in her mind... no matter what is said to her. She's definitely not processing what she hears. Yesterday, the sitter had Mom and Dad on the front porch. Mom got annoyed by something and got up and walked off. This is an unsecured area. When Mom got far enough that the sitter couldn't see her, she didn't want to leave Dad so she sent a facility employee to get Mom. Now Mom has decided she is in a prison. I happened to call after they got back to the room and Mom was in melt down. Mom was unable to explain anything that had happened. I needed to talk to the sitter anyway so I ask to speak to her. I ask Mom four different times in four different ways to let me speak to the sitter and each time she said ok but never gave her the phone. This type of response has happened several times lately and it's new. She just says ok and has no clue what I am talking about. Everything is ok.... even her in tears.

As for sister 4, she's not speaking to me still and has sent no information on Mom or Dad. She did answer the phone when I called today. I ask how she was and got back "fine". I ask how Mom and Dad were and got back "fine" even though I know Mom was in melt down yesterday and she was still aggitated today. I ask a couple more questions and got back one word answers. Then she just handed the phone to Mom. Sister 3 says I need to be the "Bigger person" and gravel. But that is what always happens. Sister 4 throws her temper tantrums and the rest of us are supposed to gravel. So for now I am just letting it be what she has made it. I have taken care of the cabin and in two weeks I will be taking care of clearing out Mom's house. I have their taxes ready to take to the accountant and I will see Mom and Dad soon. Probably a couple of days before I go to clean out the house. I will do what I am supposed to do, keep calling Mom, and see them when I can. Sister 2 is my life saver. She's helping me with the house. My nieces helped me with the cabin. I'm doing well without the chaos. I just wonder how sister 4 can do what she told me she knew was wrong..... not keep me or siste 2 updated on Mom and Dad. OH well.... it is what it is!!

Love, deb

meg1230 · 03-10-2009, 08:22 PM

First of all, sister #4 is shameless.
But it is what we all say so it is nothing new but it is just reprehensable that you or anyone in this situation has to deal with this crap while dealing with the heartbreak that this disease is.

I'm glad your dad is doing better but isn't it just like this disease to tease you...make dad better and then take mom farther away.

I hope all of the work you are doing is helping to keep your mind busy.

You're a terrific daughter to your parents. They would be so proud of how you are handling yourself, if they only knew.

Love, Meg

mary09 · 03-11-2009, 06:12 AM

Dearest Deb....
Just reading an update on your parents.....I really feel for you dealing with "both" parents at the same time.
Sister 4 is honestly "clueless"....I cannot grasp what her issue is with you.....and why she is so cruel to keep information from you about your parents. I am wondering if there is some guilt she is feeling, or some issues of her own she is redirecting at you, because I just dont get how she can treat you like that. We here know your heart Deb....she is your sister, she should know that even better than us, so what is her issue? Because you're not "physically" there every day? Neither is my mom, when she is able to go there, she does, but Uncle knows my mom loves grandma dearly and keeps her informed of every bite she eats, every time she goes to the washroom for goodness sakes. The other aunts, admittedly, yes, he has no use for, but that came after many incidents of begging, and pleading for help, and getting nothing in return, not even one visit in two years from people who could "walk" to visit them never mind drive or fly. I could shake her, for treating you like that.....thank God you are able to see past it, although I'm sure on some level it has to bother you.....but you handle it so well Deb.
God bless you for doing all that work cleaning out the cabin and then the house. Emotionally exhausting work for sure. You are a wonderful daughter!!!

Love, Caroline xo

DrewsG · 03-11-2009, 07:39 AM

Dear deb,

As far as sister #4 and what she is still doing to you I just don't know what to say about her. I'll tell you what Mom always told me, "If someone you love treats you in a unkind way over and over they must be jealous of you. That jealousy eats at their heart so you ignore them because they are miserable people". Thats hard to do I know, very hard. Sister #4 is an unhappy lady isn't she?

I'm so sorry that your Mom is doing worse this week. God bless her heart. This disease is just so horrible and no one can possibly understand what a rollercoaster ride we all take daily unless you've been there. Our Moms want their lives back don't they? And we can't give that to them....its just so sad what they have to endure until they know nothing at all.

It sounds terrible to say but I can say it here......Some days I wish Mom knew nothing.........just nothing but her family when she sees us walk into the room. That way she wouldn't be so tortured wondering what in the world has happened to her old life. I spent the day with her again yesterday and we sat outside on the patio at ALF. She looked at me so surprised and ask where on earth her car was parked if this is where she lives now. Same questions over and over until I'm exhausted when I leave. But we'll keep telling her and maybe things will start clicking. Light switch off, then its on.

Thank God you have sister #2 to help you. You make me tired just reading about all of the work you are doing right now. I envy people who can still work hard deb. I can't do much because of my back so be glad that you can still get in there and make a difference. I didn't think I would miss working hard but I sure do. I misss the feeling of accomplishment after a job well done.

Well now what????? The Dr. just called and he wants to see Mom TODAY. Its about her blood work that I had done last Friday. I ask if I could take her tomorrow and the nurse said TODAY. Wish me luck and Mom of course. It never stops.........does it? Oh well another day on Planet Alzheimers.

Love to all,
Chris

ibake&pray · 03-11-2009, 09:43 AM

Oh Deb,

My dear, I'm sorry that Mom is slipping. It seems that she is just sliding on crisco isn't she? It's one thing after another lately. It makes you want to have her memory just gone so she can settle down. It would be nice for her to calm down and be able to enjoy where she is with Dad while she can. Soon she won't remember and be poorer for it. And who knows what #4 has said to her to rile her up!

You certainly have been a busy bee getting the cabin open and now the house ready to sell. But you are right that you need to move on the house while you have a buyer. As much as it is full of memories, it is just a container, a building, and it needs to have people in it to be a home. If you have a buyer for it in this market, go for it! Take what you can get and be thankful that you can. And the house will thank you also. They don't like standing empty and alone either. It makes them lonely also.

You know, your sister is just plain ornry and stupid. She is missing out on having you as a best friend and sister, instead she is doing her best to alienate you. She would do well to get some counselling. It would truly help her in her dealings with people. And I certainly think that it would help her in how to act like an adult...thinking about adults....

Whatever came of the NH that you found? Are you going to move mom and dad to that place? It sounded like the ideal place for them to be in. I would think that this would be the time to do it before your mom has one of her major flipouts......

you are one special person deborah...you know that don't you? And everyone of us here would be thankful to have you as a sister, don't ever forget that!