Mom is finally at peace... - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

petal*pusher · 03-17-2009, 08:43 PM

My friends...this has been a long, long journey! Ten years after diagnosis, Mom passed away Sunday, the 15th.

We knew the end was near...her weight dropped below 80 lbs...and she no longer would open her mouth to accept either food or liquid. Mom went 7 days with no nourishment or hydration...but I'm very aware of the fact no pain is involved in passing like this. Her little body was just so darned healthy...10 years is a very long time to last after diagnosis.

Mom lay motionless for the 7 days after eating...just breathing heavily. I was determined to be there when she passed...and it worked out that I was.

My husband had taken me back Sunday morning... the Hospice nurses told us it would probably be another 24 to 48 hours...so I left to get the last couple items of clothing we needed for her to be buried in. We almost went back home...but I just wasn't able to. I've written in another post about telling her it was O.K. for her to "go"...and the 3 brothers living nearby had also done so...but there were still 2 siblings far away. I called my AZ. sister and offered to hold my phone to Mom's ear...thru tears, she didn't think she could do this...then suddenly asked me to do it. Mom, who had been totaly motionless for a week, blinked her eyes the entire time my sister talked to her! I also called the older brother in VA. and offered to do the same...and he had a tearful conversation with Mom too...again, Mom's eyes blinked quickly! She DID seem to recognize their voices!

As we sat by her, the hard breathing became louder and more raspy...we knew it would be like this...but it was still difficult. Just an hour after hearing from her last two "children", Mom took 3 very long and quiet breaths.....then no more. At the same time, several petals fell from the tulips my niece had brought to her a few days before!

There were tears...but mainly tears of joy for finally leaving this life and going to the beautiful place her faith has prepared her for. We called the siblings and most quickly came over.

I was taken with how important it is for our loved ones to actually hear permission to "go"! I know mom was waiting to hear from those far-away kids!

One more thing that tugged my heart; one brother texted his wife the words..."MOM IS GONE"..........what actually came thru to her was...
"MOM IS HOME".........kinda neat, huh?

I worked on her flowers this afternoon...visitation is tomorrow, then my brothers wanted a simple graveside service Thursday morning. She'll be placed next to my Dad who passed in '77.

She always loved what I call an "old fashioned" arrangement; yellow roses, pink mini carns, white daisies, and purple statice, baby's breath....so that's what I used...and it does look like "Mom". Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers................Pam

meg1230 · 03-17-2009, 09:24 PM

It's hard to type through tears. Your post was beautiful. You made me feel what it will be like when it is my turn to post the same message you did.

I'm so so sorry for your loss and I pray for your strength to manage the days ahead.

Yes, MOM IS HOME.

Love, Meg

Gabriel · 03-17-2009, 11:08 PM

Yes Pam, your Mom is at home. She is at peace and she is happy and whole again. Your post was so touching. I hope when the time comes I can handle the situation with the same courage, grace, and strength that you did. Your Mom's journey was long and from all you have told us she had the same courage grace and strength that you have. I am sure your siblings are glad that you gave them the opportunity to speak to Mom. What a wonderful thing for you to do. Yes, some of the tears were joy that Mom was finally free. I am sure you will miss her presence in the coming days and months. I will keep you and your siblings in my thoughts and prayers. Use the next few days to celebrate your special mom. Remember the lady she was.

Love, deb

Martha H · 03-18-2009, 05:05 AM

Dear Pam, I am so sorry that your mother is gone. Yes, I know it is a good thing for her - and that she is truly home. Her death and the last few weeks of her life are almost identical to my Mom's death in december 07. Mom went down to 75 pounds.

As you mourn for her, make it a celebration of her life.

You are a wonderful daughter and your Mom would have been proud of you. Now she is.

Now you and I are both 'veterans' of dementia care. It is a life changing experience. I will never see an elderly, helpless person in the same way, never criticise someone who doesn't seem to 'get it' or who is extremely slow at the checkout ... always suspecting dementia has started taking over their lives.

And being thankful every day for my life, and my mother's shining example of a life well lived. God bless you and your family as you go through the funeral procedures.

love,

Martha

caringsister54 · 03-18-2009, 08:18 AM

Pam

Your mother was greeted by many when she arrived. She's happy, she's healthy and she's whole. She also gets to pick what age she wants to be forever and God lets her look like that.

It will be okay.

You were a supportive, wonderful, loving daughter and while you had two siblings who lived away, their love for your mother was no less than anyone else's and they're going to feel the guilt heavier that they weren't able to be there for her and you, etc.

Your kindness in including them in the end is great and it should be a testament to how others should be

My prayers are with you Pam. It was one month ago, this past weekend

My sister is suffering mightily and really wants my Mom back but at least she admits she doesn't want her back as sick as she was. The way she died (exactly as your mother) is what fills my sister with guilt. She feels that she denied her food and water instead of getting it through her heart that it was Mom's body that failed her not my sister.

I still silently bless my sister for what she went though. And I'm humbled by what all of you are going through, have gone through or will go through.

My love flows in your directions
CaringSister54