I am at my daughters and finally had a few minutes while she was doing homework to check in.
My visit with Mom and Dad went as well as could be expected. Mom was in relatively good humor. I could tell that she was not as "aware" as she has been on previous visits. Dad's bizzare behavior was less but it's obvious that he has slipped as well. I do know that he was out of bed wandering the Thursday night. I put him to bed with his blue bed socks on and put his shoes beside his chair in the den. When I arrived back at the facility the next morning he was sleeping but he had on his brown regular socks and his shoes were beside his bed. So the wondering continues.......
I did find out that Mom had another mini mental done recently. Her score was an 18 out of 30. A year ago she scored a 25.
When I left them they both had haircuts, showers, been out of the room for walks, and were in good humor. The next day mom was on the phone wanting the van so they could go home before nobody every came to see them. Sister 2 has the van so she got the first call. Sister 3 admitted that she didn't know how to talk to Mom. (the three of us were together at Mom and Dad's cleaning out closets). Sister 4 was at a birthday party just minutes away from mom and Dad. So I called Mom back and calmed her down with my normal blah blah blah. Sister 4 indicated that she would only go over "If she was called by the facility".
I called Mom on Sunday and she was in a very good mood. Sister 4 had stopped by for a few minutes earlier in the day. A moment of calm before today. Today mom had tried to leave the building "going home" on two separate occassions. The facility finally called Sister 4 tonight because Mom and Dad were both in wellness insisting that they were going home. Sister 4 did get them back to the room and into bed. Now it is BOTh of them that is wondering.... Even sister 4 agrees that a locked unit is necessary. Now it is just a matter of where. The facility close to where they are now with a locked unit will not be completed until the end of April. The facility I found close to me is checking into what rooms are avilaible there now. It's going to be a matter of time I am sure.
Cleaning out the house went as well as could be expected. Sister 3 continues to talk about equital distribution and didn't want to make decisions with sister 4 not there. So I picked up the phone and called sister 4. I would ask if she had any interest in a particular item, determine if either of the other two sisters that were there wanted it, then make a decision as to what was going to happen. We actually made some progress. I have an extensive inventory to send out. I have told sister 3 that she needs to talk to her kids (that are not dealing with this well) and tell them to make a prioritized list or do without. Then the four sisters will come to some decisions. We are further along than we have been. I did pack up a few things that sister 4 wanted and sent them to her. Somewhere along the way I broke the ice and actually got an update on the parents tonight. Not sure how long it will last but......
I have just decided that it is time to make some decisions. Mom is on massive doses of anti depressants, anti anxiety, and anti psycotics. The last med added was Depakote. According to the doctor she should be a zombie but instead she is still head strong determined to escape from the building and go home. I am returning an e-mail tonight requesting that they once again consider stopping at least the namenda if not both the namenda and aricept. She has been on both for 2.5 years, and that entire time she has been in mental melt down. It's time to determine if that is the cause. We were told "she will have to get worse to get better"... so why is she on meds! It just doesn't make sense to me. I am pushing for another clear out the house date next month and to have Mom and dad placed in a locked unit as well.
I'm doing well. I am tired but enjoyed my chilly, windy, hour on the beach this afternoon. It renews my soul.
I have noticed how quiet it has been here since I left. I do hope all are in a good place at the moment. How about some updates on everybody else.
Hi Deb,
I didn't know whether to start a new thread or reply to your's. It has been quiet, i agree. Thanks for your update. I envy your hour on the wind swept beach. I've been up to edinburgh this last week. We have been sorting out our mother's stuff. We gave all her lovely clothes to charity. We joked that if she returned to normal thro' some miracle, she'd go ape if she checked into her closets. She is now totally bedridden and needs everthing done for her. She can only eat liquidy foods in small amounts being fed by us. I noticed that her breathing is becoming laboured, and she misses several breaths. Could this be a "shutting down" of the autonomic system? I still will be glad when this is over. I know that it will be a new set of emotional turmoil, but it guts me to watch her. It is like dealing with a six-and-a-half stone baby. Take care deb.
I was talking to my friend, whose sister is a in late stage of Alzheimers, about just this sort of thing. Getting worse before you get better is a phrase the caregivers use. It means that once her ability to think ahead and plan (for an escape, to call her daughters and be taken "home," to make loud protests and complaints about something) is gone, she will be 'better' -- that is, easier to handle.
This happened to my SIL's mother who also died of Alzheimers a few years back. She had been a bitter, angry person, but after reaching the later stages she became docile and calm. Many people remarked on the difference. It was like visitng a different person. "Better" to take care of, but worse in perception, thinking and planning. That's probably what they meant. Meanwhile they keep her medicated in the hopes that it makes her easier to handle when actually, many drugs CAUSE odd or even violent behavior. It is a paradox.
We were gone for a few days opening the lake house and working on things that needed repaired. Husband works outside and I work on the inside getting things back to normal. He painted my ceilings, I say MY ceilings, because he thought they were just fine, I didn't. LOL He teases me by telling me "Just don't look up and they won't bother you"! He is replacing the retaining wall by the lake, hard job but he enjoys it. We're enjoying his retirement and spending time together. Long walks in the evening are so nice at the lake.
When we returned I also noticed things were quiet here. Good to hear from you deb. I've been hoping that things were going well with the clearing out of your parents home and hoping also that your Mom was doing better. Sorry to see that she is not doing very well.
I wish I could say that Mom is better but she isn't at all. I couldn't tell you how many calls were on my machine when I returned home. There were too many to count. I called her everyday from the lake but that doesn't matter, she still calls here thinking that I'm home. Her short term memory is about 2 minutes long these days. She can't answer any questions because she doesn't remember what has gone on during her day. She just wants to know how long she has to stay where she is and why she can't remember anything?? She is totally confused most of the time now and very childish. I know she will get worse and it sounds terrible but I pray this stage passes soon until she knows nothing. I also pray that she remembers her daughters when this happens. Grandma knew that we were someone she loved because she always hugged us and held our hands when we were with her even though she didn't remember our name. If I think about Mom too much and her rapid decline it leaves me weak in the knees and I think my heart is going to explode from the sadness. I love her so much and there is nothing I can do to make her what she was before..................Sis and I are taking her to the hospital on Thursday to have the foley put in place then we will bring Mom here and take care of her for 24 hrs. to collect her urine. Then back to the hospital to have it removed. She is not going to understand this I know and its going to make her confusion worse when we take her back to her place. Oh well, we do what we have to do and hope for the best. This is not going to be easy on any of us and I have a feeling Mom isn't going to understand any of it.
Anyway ladies thats whats happening here at the moment. More of the same just a different day.
Oh Chris, My heart hurts for you. I know how much it hurts. I know that the hardest thing was hoping every time that Mom would know me, knowing that she wouldn't. Sigh. It torn my heart into little pieces that bled painfully and finally knit itself back together when we flew home. Only to start over again at the next trip.
Deb, I'm sorry to heara that both Mom and Dad are wandering. This is only getting worse isn't it? You Mom is not taking this well, no matter what anyone says. It's almost too bad that we can't find a memory eraser drug at this point in her life, isn't it? Something that would calm her down and remove that home memory so she could rest comfortably. It certainly it time for a locked unit..that alone will cause issues, but it will be so much better for all concerned, especially your parents. I cannot believe it has taken #4 this long to realise that your parents safety is at stake.<<<shaking head>>>
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