Mom and Dad have had a good week despite the move. Mom's memory is no better and she has had a few teary episodes but they don't last as long and are not nearly as intense.
Yesterday was not the best day. Mom had forgotten all the visits last week and though she had been abandoned because I had not been there the day before. I was going anyway so I went over and was able to calm her down. I had just pulled in the drive when my cell rang. It was the facility. Dad had flipped out in his sundowning hallucinations. Those people had invaded his house and they were stealing. He refused his medication, would not go to his room, and was threatening all kinds of bodily harm. They had him cornered in the office. So I turned around and went right back. By the time I got there they had him in the room and his medication given. He was still extremely aggitated. I was able to calm him down some just by being there but he kept up the hallucinations.
At some point he complained of his feet itching. I scratched it through his pants. Then rubbed his legs. He almost hit me while saying "OUCH"!!! I pulled up his pants legs only to find that he had on a pair of socks with bands at the top which were much too tight. They were a christmas present from a well meaning friend and had been hidden in the previous apartment. During the move they must have been placed in his drawer. With his PAD and other leg problems.... the edema compression was major. His feet look bad and there were red marks on his legs where he had been scratching because of the itch caused by constricted circulation. I immediately took off the socks and elevated his feet.... and within 20 minutes he was asleep. The man was in pain. But through this all... Mom was in a good mood!!! Needless to say those socks are at MY house and the only socks in his drawer are the non binding kind!!!
It falls under the title of "if it's not one darn thing it's another"!
Luckily you were there to figure it out. It amazes me how sometimes the solutions are so simple.
I don't remember if I told you all this or not..(uh-oh) but mom is always asking for money and my son..(her banker) gives it to her in 20 dollar bills.
He gives her 100 dollars every month and then I take her shopping so she can spend it..but it was causing problems because she always wanted more money..we figured it out..we started giving it to her in ten dollar bills....more bills, same amount of money. Next time we'll add 5's and 1's.
Good thinking Meg. They lose the numbers and just worry about how many piece of paper they have. It actually makes perfect sense... after you think of it. When talking to my niece today, she told me that she thought he had those same socks on Thursday!! He takes them off and stuffs them in his shoes. But I now have them at home and the staff is aware that he should only wear the no bind socks. It takes a while to get everything in order.
I have been amazed at how well they have adjusted. Mom has had a few mini melt downs but every time, except one which I handled without much difficulty Saturday, it was when she and Dad were separated. Evidently that botched move of Dad to the locked unit really imprinted on her because she is terrified of us separating her and Dad. Tonight she called and I held my breath. She just wanted to talk before she went to bed !!!WHEW!!!
Sister 4 is going through drama withdrawal. She's now upset that Mom and Dad are adjusting as well as they are. She thinks we, the other 3 sisters, are blaming her for the drama and chaos at the other facility, even though I have said that facility was not a good fit and the change is probably due to medication changes. !!!eyeroll!!! All I know is that Mom is happier then she has been in a long time and for that I am pleased
I'm so glad that your parents are better and adjusting as well as they can. Good news. You've been on my mind so much. Your Dads poor legs, Bless his heart. Mom doesn't understand pain at times now either. She stuck a pin in her infected joint on her pinkie finger trying to relieve the pain. Its gout.......she doesn't understand that. So its to the Dr. tomorrow.
I wanted to write sooner but my computer was "invaded" last Thursday and I've had a terrible time trying to get rid of several viruses. First time for everything I guess but what a mess!!!!!! I just kept it off for 4 days
I couldn't even read anything because my computer had a mind of its own and kept downloading awful stuff. YIKES !!!!!
I couldn't wait until I could see how everyone was doing here. So glad to have my computer back and check on my friends. I missed you all.
And you were missed Chris. I was hoping you were out by the lake with your knee up not battling a computer virus. I have not been on as much because of running back and forth to deal with Mom and Dad. Saturday was the worse day because Mom had her episode in the morning. Then I got home just in time to go back and deal with Dad's. I'm not sure whether I am glad they take turns or if it would be better to just get them both over with at once. I'm just glad you got your computer back in working order and you are back with us.
I bit the bullet and had Mom a phone installed in her room. She had figured out how to get the caregivers to call and let her talk to me so might as well. The last two nights she has called but they were relatively pleasant calls. Yes, she is more confused than ever and I have to repeat things over and over but the anger and angst that was there before has dissipated. We even had a few good laughs tonight I am keeping up hope that it will last...
I'm sure that there will be days when you will wonder "What on earth was I thinking? Bringing Mom and Dad here? Other days you will be glad they are so close. Its how my mind works anyway, questioning myself. But I know the answer when I have a minute to think straight......"I'm doing my best". You and my friends here helped me wtih my thinking and not to question my decisions. Its the best I can do and thats what Mom would expect from me. These words are more for me than you deb. I didn't sleep last night and when I did I had some terrible dreams about Mom being in this horrible place and sick and of course I couldn't get in to help her. I finally gave up the idea of sleep around 3..........the bed seemed like a torture chamber to me rolling and tumbling around. Forget it.
I'm rambling this morning deb because Mom is not well at all. There are so many things happening to her that are causing her alot of pain so I have a list for the Dr. today and I think a hospital stay is in order for her. She called 9 times yesterday and I had all of my grandkids here for the day. Bless her heart she just wanted me to "FIX" her and I couldn't. I hate that. Sis #3 went to her until she put her to bed. So sad at times I think my heart will break. But today is another day and I'll try my best to help with her medical problems. The list is getting longer every day.
OK friend I've rambled enough to bring on the tears so......thanks for listening.
Big hugs and warm towels for you Chris. Yes it is difficult to watch but all you can do is the best that you can do and leave the rest for a higher power to deal with. You are so caring of your mother Chris. Nobody could do more than you are. So cry if you must but know in your heart that you are doing everything in your power to make her life better despite the medical problems.
I did think about you when I had the phone installed in Mom's room. I wondered if I would be like you and have dozens of calls a day. My time may come but for now, Mom has just called occassionally and they have een rather pleasant. We will see how long that last.
Know you can not fix everything Chris. You are doing the best you can. Sometimes things are out of our control. As frustrating as that is we have to accept what is and keep doing all we can about the things we can do something about.
That is just what I will do tomorrow..... after I get some sleep
PS Chris... Thank you for trusting us with your venting and your inner feelings. Sometimes just getting it out helps.
Thank you deb, very much. Yes, venting does help......then I move on. She is in Gods hands and I pray constantly for his help. We took Mom to the Dr. and the visit was a long one. We went over the list and he addressed all of Moms problems. Of course there is no cure for any of them so we'll make her as comfortable as possible. He thinks she is doing very well considering her host of medical conditions and gave her daughters praise for taking such good care of her. We did appreciate that but sometimes we feel inadequate. Mom was sweet she said "My "girls" take very good care of me". He said it shows so I guess we're doing an OK job deb. We're going to try two new meds to see if they will help her. Then we'll watch her closely to see if she is having any of the side effects which of course Mom usually does. But I'll think positive this time and hope and pray for the best.
I'm so glad that your Mom is doing better deb. I felt so bad for her and all of you when she was having her "bad" melt downs before the move. I know she will have more but now you're close by and can deal with them fast and in your special way. You seem to have a way with both of your parents. I have that calming effect with Mom.
Again, thank you for listening friend.
Chris, you are not just doing a OK job caring for your Mom.... you are doing and EXCELLENT job. The doctor agrees, we all agree, and your Mom is living proof of it. Ask yourself, without your TLC and diligance, would she still be here with you? There's your answer! I do hope the new meds help. If not I am sure you will be on top of it.
I think some just have a connection with their loved ones and a temperment about them that allows that calming effect. There has always been a special connection between Dad and I. I am his "favorite oldest daughter". Mom knows that as long as Dad is there.... I am on the case because nothing is too good for my Dad!! Beyond that, when she was falling into the grips of ALZ it was me that was there. More times than not I was the one that showed up at the back door when disaster struck. She knows I have a good head on my shoulders and she can depend on me. I will keep doing what I am doing as you will
You guys are all angels! What you go through! I think it takes a special person to handle what you ladies do day in and day out. I am such a free spirit, wild child, and I know what I am in for... but God only gives you what you can take.