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Old 04-12-2009, 10:34 PM   #1
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to all my posting buddies

I know this isn't about our subject matter but I need everyone and the towels

Today (4/13) I lost my husband to the affects of having progressive kidney failure by him suffering a massive heart attack while on the phone with my son when I was not more than 1 foot away from him.

There wasn't a day in our lives that I didn't tell him I loved him and that day was no exception.

Please say a prayer for me and my two 'adult' kids. My pain today is more that I can't help them in their deep, profound, grief that they are suffering today. In fact my daughter took off from work for the 1st time.

It seems that as the years go by they're having more trouble accepting him being gone. While they're glad that I have a new friend in my life helping me put one foot in front of the other again, and they know my grief because they see it periodically as certain situations cause it to happen, I wasn't aware of the depth of their grief until we were on the way home Easter and we stopped by the cemetary for me to be able to kiss his plaque and let him know I loved him, thought of him daily, and miss him tremendously.

Loving someone now doesn't mean I loved him less. So say a prayer for us all.

Love
CaringSister54

 
Old 04-12-2009, 11:02 PM   #2
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Re: to all my posting buddies

Sending a big hug your way along with my thoughts and prayers for this day and for the days to come. I do hope you and your children can find the strength and courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other and find a more comfortable way to carry the grief. no, the pain of loss doesn't go away, we just find easier ways to carry it with us. There are many people in our lives that we love, each is different and doesn't detract from those that came before or come afterwards. There is enough love in our heart for many.

Know you are wrapped up in our biggest fluffiest towel and we are all holding onto you and your children.

love, deb

 
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Old 04-13-2009, 03:42 AM   #3
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Re: to all my posting buddies

Dear Diane,

This is a pain that never goes away - go ahead and grieve today. It is Ok to let yourself do that. I hope you are feeling better tomorrow.

Love,

Martha

 
Old 04-13-2009, 05:14 AM   #4
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Re: to all my posting buddies

Diane

The pain of losing a dear husband can weigh heavily on the heart. Be it one year or ten years. Holidays, Birthdays have this way of sharpen the pain a little bit more for some reason.
Take today as a day to grieve for you!

Love Pauline

 
Old 04-13-2009, 09:53 AM   #5
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Re: to all my posting buddies

Dear Caring,

I'm sending you a big hug also. I'm so sorry that your wounds are still so raw for your children. I can't imagine what you are going though at this time but know that I'm thinking of you. I truly can't imagine losing my husband and I just want to say how sorry I am.

Love, Chris

 
Old 04-13-2009, 10:15 AM   #6
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Re: to all my posting buddies

Aww, I am sending hugs and kisses to you and your family. I can't imagine how you feel.
Love,
Liz
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Old 04-13-2009, 10:24 AM   #7
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Re: to all my posting buddies

Dearest Diane.....
I too am holding on to the towel and sending you big cyber hugs. I cannot imagine either losing my husband.....you need to let it out dear friend. When you lose someone you love so much, that love never goes away.....I think special dates bring that love bubbling back to the surface and it overflows, and you miss them and grieve for them all over again.
Just let yourself have this time.....it just shows how much you loved him, and I'm sure he is watching, loving and missing you also.

Love, Caroline xo

 
Old 04-13-2009, 10:58 AM   #8
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Re: to all my posting buddies

They say time heals but it doesn't feel that way does it.
Sometimes it feels as though it gets harder.
But in my personal experience the good memories eventually tilt the scale of time and it becomes more bearable. You may not miss them less but the smiles of memory shine brighter making the burden less heavy.

Day by day, girlfriend, day by day.

I spent the weekend doing all the wash so I have clean towels galore for us all!

Love, Meg

 
Old 04-13-2009, 12:49 PM   #9
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Re: to all my posting buddies

to all

while I do miss him, I'm not paralyzed by it. I am going to work, dating a wonderful man and enjoying what life God is letting me have.

The grief that was unexpected was the depth of it exhibited by my son, 25 years old and my daughter 22 years old. this year seemed especially bad for them both enough that it caused my daugther to drive up to the cemetary (45 minute trip one way) to put flowers on his grave and leave him a note.

I stopped with them last night on the way home from his Mom's since I buried him closer to his siblings and family than me.

since he was a heavy doo wopp record collector and had a lot of friends who sang some of the great songs, there's never a place I could go or a thing I could do that I don't come across memories and all of them make me smile. Just seeing Smokey Robinson on American Idol made me smile since everyday I wake up to see my Mikey with his arm around Smokey's shoulders and Smokey has his around my Mikey. Its one beautiful picture and I wish I could share it with you all.

Mike did guest DJ spots on radio programs and was a wealth of info for researchers who wrote stories. he also took a lot of pictures (as a hobby) and the groups would sometimes use his pictures on their CD's or album sleeves. So again, between books, records, etc. I see him on some of them and remember how excited he was when that stuff happens.

So most times, my heart hurts while I have the biggiest smile on my face. My tears come fewer and fewer over the years. It was just this year's (in my face) grieving of my kids that took me by surprised.

Love you all
CaringSister54

 
Old 04-13-2009, 02:36 PM   #10
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Re: to all my posting buddies

i am sorry for your loss. hugs from me and i think it sounds like you are headed in the right direction. debbie

 
Old 04-13-2009, 08:59 PM   #11
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Re: to all my posting buddies

It is a mother's love that makes us hurt more for our children than we do for ourselves. You are there for your children and you will help them through this difficult time. They will also take you with them as the soar into the future. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this time...

Love, deb

 
Old 04-14-2009, 05:54 AM   #12
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Re: to all my posting buddies

Wow, Diane......Doo Wopp, my absolute favorite kind of music. Your Mikey sounds like our kind of guy. My husband and I go to the Fox theatre in St. Louis when they have the Doo Wopp concerts there. I love it!!!! I know you miss him terribly and how lucky you were to have had this kind of love in your life. He loved you and would most certainly want you to be happy now.

When our children hurt....we hurt, too. They say its good for us to grieve and cry because we can then move on. Your children have a wonderful Mother that understands and is there for them. They are lucky to have you.

Love and hugs,
Chris

 
Old 04-14-2009, 05:07 PM   #13
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Re: to all my posting buddies

Doo-Wop...the Fox theatre..( I grew up in St. Louis) you're talking my talk. We are probably all the age of doo wop, well, ok, not Caroline...
but, Mikey, he fits right in with us here.

Love, Meg

 
Old 04-14-2009, 06:00 PM   #14
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Re: to all my posting buddies

I'll share a quick story -- you all love my stories I know -- so pull up the chairs.

One of the groups that my husband followed and loved a lot was the Moonglows (Ten Commandments of Love, Your Love is like a Sea Saw Baby, Sincerely, etc). Well most of the members have passed with the exception of Harvey Fuqua who lives in CA and use to talk with Mikey a few times.

Anyway, out of Kentucky one of the member's children still carried on the group's tradition and travelled the country under "Gary Rodger's Magnificant Moonglows" and became really good friends of ours. One day, I teased Gary when he called to speak with Mikey and asked him when is he coming to Jersey and having one of my home-cooked meals? He said, someday and I totally forgot the conversation.

Well months later and lo and behold they were coming to sing at Symphony Center in NY but the first night they sang at Mikey's music organization meeting show. There's my cute husband tearing across the floor to me and said "did you ask the guys to come to our house for dinner!!!!!!" I looked up innocently and said "oh yea, I forgot it was so long ago" He said "are you nuts, do you know what our house looks like???" I said its okay, it'll be clean and straightened up when they come, when are they coming? He said "tomorrow before their show!"

So the next day we had all-hands on deck, Me, Mikey, and the kids and got the house in tip top shape. I then went out and bought two can hams, sweet potatoes, green beans, rye bread, etc. And I cooked my asssk off!
They came and proceded to tell me that they really don't eat before a perforance and ate very little to be gracious. The whole time, my husband sat there with his mouth gapping open. He couldn't believe it!, I said for him to close his mouth before a fly goes in it! -- everyone laughed.

My son who was 8 or 9 was so cute, he wanted to know if he could charge his friends a ticket fee and maybe Uncle Gary would let the guys sing for them!. I said, "no we're going to leave him alone".

The guys asked if they can take the food back to the hotel for after the show and we packed up a very big goody bag and they left having a great time with us.

My husband still could believe that i invited them and they actually came.

Well that's my story . . .

Diane

 
Old 04-14-2009, 11:17 PM   #15
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Re: to all my posting buddies

What a great story and a wonderful memory. Sometimes you just have to ask

Love, deb

 
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