I took a great break from the world of Dementia for awhile. I went to visit my brother and his family in Ohio. Mom is still in Rehab so I thought it was a good opportunity to go. Just a thought I wanted to share with you all::: Prior to go away the couple of days before I was due to leave. I had this feeling of not wanting to go. I was to tired to even put the effort into packing and traveling. What if something happens to mom while I am away??? All kinds of stupid things pulling me down. Anyway, I pushed myself to go as the tickets were booked way in advance and my neice from here was going with me. So I knew I had to follow through. Well, I had a great time. I brought all kinds of phone numbers with me of people, doctors of mom to call just in case or whatever. Do you know once I got out there I never called anyone. I am ashamed to say not even Mom. I felt if I called her she wouldn't know the difference if I was in Ohio or two streets away from her. I did tell her before I left where I was going and I think dad did reinforce that info to her while I was gone. When I came home that night after work I went straight to Rehab to see her. After seeing her again I came to the conclusuion how wrapped up with her and her disease I really was. How I have made it my LIFE!! I kept thinking how did I do this everyday????? It just amazed me here is my brother that lives miles away living a whole different life with his family and little kids who are the cutest.. What a positive environement he lives in everyday. I guess when you go away and come back to a situation you realize an awful lot.
Just wanted to share that thought. Now I have lots of message boards to catch up!!! Lots of reading!!
Dear Pauline, I am so glad you gave yourself a break! You and all caregivers need some time off. Being in another state, not calling, and concentrating on other things was a wonderful thing to do. Do it often! Welcome back, we missed you.
As long as wel know our loved ones are well cared for, there is no reason to shut oneself off from what is wonderful in the world.
I volunteer and help others when I can. I look for ways to be there for others and do for them possibly making their world a little brighter or lighter.
But we must continue to be part of God's wonderous world. He has us here for a purpose and when we shut ourselves off in what we think is the right thing to do for our loved ones, its not. The end will show that to you all, while I knew it all along.
Just like with a spouse and a houseful of kids, -- when the kids are gone, if you didn't stroke your relationship with your spouse, you'll find that you grew apart and don't really have things in common, etc.
Your marriage is a job just like caregiving. If you sacrifice one life aspect over another, you will find when that requirement is gone, you are looking at yourself in a mirror and wonder "okay, what do I do now".
you may fool yourself into saying "oh, when I'm no longer doing this, I'm going to . . ." but that idea blows out of the mind faster than anything. So take notes on what you desire to do when the caregiving demand lessens.
and if you already have your caregiving support divided amongst others whether through a nursing home commitment or in-home nursing, etc. then take the time to 'smell the coffee, roses or whatever'. Go out, do things that are fun, look around and see what else you can do that makes you vital and feel worthwhile. It'll help you when the caregiving requirements are over.
Believe me, I know
Last edited by caringsister54; 05-01-2009 at 08:15 AM.
i felt the same way leaving my mom for trips. in fact, i just got home today from a weekend get away. i want to see her badly now, but i cant go until tuesday. i think i am slowly learning to live with short trips. it is a whole different world out there!
Thank you for that post Pauline!!!!! My daughter insisted that I got with her on a 2 week vacation this summer. She even bought my ticket so I would have to go. It is to Hawaii!!! It is my dream come true!!! Yet I have been truly worried about leaving for so long because of Mom and Dad... for the very reasons you stated. I already have my book of phone number to take with me and considered upping my cell phone plan for more minutes to... talk to Mom. Sister 2 has already cleared her schedule for those two weeks. I have two nieces close by as well. Both are very good at dealing with Mom and Dad. Yet I worry. Just today I mentioned it to the facility staff. They ask what they would do with Mom while I was gone and I explained the adequacy of sister 2 to handle the situation while I was gone.... yet I worry.
Then I read your post. You are so very right and my daughter is right. Mom and Dad have become my world and I truly need to expand just a bit. Thank you so very much.... I feel better about the decision already!!
Hawaii, how completely wonderful. I'm so glad for you and I must say a little jealous. just kidding. What a wonderful gift from your daughter. You did something right raising her. Didn't you. That is the sweetest thing for a daughter to do. She is certainly looking out for Mom isn't she?
Everything seems to be falling in place for you. Sister is going to look after your parents and the ticket is purchased. No excuses you must go and I'm sure by the time you leave you'll be more than ready.
It is hard to make the break away, but once you do it you will feel so good!!! You are going to one of the most beautiful places in the world. You will love it!! Few years back when I lived a different life with my significant other he and I used to go to hawaii every year for our vacation. My favorite island is Kauai. You will love the people they are very warm and family orientated.
Chris, I am leaving July 20 and I guarantee that I will not go 2 weeks without computer contact As for my daughter... she's the best!!!
Martha, I will drink two for you, remember all the caregivers and wish for them the same experience I will have.
Pauline, thank you again for the encouragement. Knowing your experience lets me know it is possible and if it is possible I will do it!!! I so need this and I have been so hesitant... but yep it is possible
Glad to hear you got a break from things....what an enlightening trip, I'm so glad you have a good time....
Deb - I am so jealous of your trip - I hope you plan on packing as much fun as you can into those two weeks, you sure deserve it. I'm happy also for your daughter...it will give her so much pleasure to see her mother take a well deserved break....trust me on that!!!!