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Old 07-19-2009, 10:23 PM   #1
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Flaming angry plus Living Wills

On July 1st my BIL, who has dementia, was taken to the emergency dept of hospital with acute kidney failure. I was told 4 days. On the ward for two weeks with a 24/7 carer - being given glucose and saline drips. He totally confused, pulling out lines and catheter and eventually his feet were so damaged where they attempted to put lures in that they are both swollen and he has cellulitis in one leg. There is no hope of prolonging life and certainly no dignity. Eventually discharged to the hospital section of his residential care home, with pneumonia, where he is getting the most loving 24/7 comfort care. Thank God for compassion and sense. It has still been 5 heartbreaking days and although his body has completely given up his heart has not. I am flaming angry as there is no hope of life for him and he has to suffer. It should not be like this.
Living Wills? When his brother and I said at the hospital that we did not want this intervention for him, and it was not something he wanted, because I could not produce written proof of that from my BIL as a 'Living Will' our wishes could not be considered. Guess what is on our agenda in the next week!!

 
Old 07-20-2009, 06:20 AM   #2
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

This is a good way to remind us all that we need to get that done before we get sick, not later ...

Love,

Martha

 
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Old 07-20-2009, 06:37 AM   #3
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

Yes, a living will or a medical POA are necessary documents. If you have a good attorney, the POA can address all issues - medical and financial. Mine does. And I've communicated my wishes in no uncertain terms to my sister who has my POA.

 
Old 07-20-2009, 08:53 AM   #4
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

Guess what I found out last week?

I was taking daddy to the respite center to get him registered and all set for our September vaca, and had all the documents - the facility's 448 pages of questions (It seemed like that many, anyhow), my POA, dad's advance directives/living will, his DNR...

Only to be told that his DNR was not valid in Colorado as it had been drawn up in Oregon, where we are all from! Of course, how in the hell can I get a DNR in Colorado since he is not competent to sign?

It's an issue. I have MY paperwork all done. DH does too. Please, PLEASE - everyone get your stuff done and signed before someone has to do all this stuff when you are loopy.

...lil' deb

 
Old 07-20-2009, 09:10 AM   #5
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

If you are your dad's medical POA, you can sign the Colorado DNR. Unless, of course, Colorado doesn't recognize the Oregon MPOA, in which case you have a much bigger problem...

 
Old 07-20-2009, 11:50 AM   #6
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

You should be able to get a new DNR and staple it to the old one and sign as Dad's Power of Attorney. You can get it notarized and it should be good to go.

You only need to worry if it was a 'new' one not replacing an existing one. A notary should be able to do it for you with a simple piece of paper.

CaringSister54

 
Old 07-20-2009, 12:12 PM   #7
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

Yep, Caring...you are, once again, spot on. I got a new DNR, signed it as MPOA, got it notarized, and viola! Done.

I had no idea that DNRs do not transfer state to state. And his advance directives? Done in the 80's sometime, and while valid enough, had to be "updated" with my signature.

You know what? You can't even DIE without interference, can you? Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork...

...lil' deb

 
Old 07-20-2009, 02:04 PM   #8
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

While you're surprised about the DNR order not being good from state to state, here in NJ -- to adopt a pet through any animal facility, you need to fill out an application that is 4 pages long and asks everything. My brother-in-law had to provide his tax return info for that year!!! and they needed 3 references. Also, we found they actually called the references!

My mIL and FIL were at my house and said they were going to allow my 16 year old sister in law to get a cat. We went out that night to the local animal facility and went through all the bull -- they actually wanted to know everyone who lived in the house and their ages -- for a stupid cat!!!

I swear they want more info to adopt an animal than they seem to check when you want to adopt a child (lmao).

So the stuff you went through with the DNR isn't surprising. IF you haven't started the medicaid process yet, you should so that its all done when and if your father gets into a NH facility

Love you lots and then some

forever your friend
CaringSister54

 
Old 07-20-2009, 02:40 PM   #9
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

Hi girls. Glad that this has started debate and it has made me feel a great deal better so thanks to all. I am sorted...to having funeral instructions!! Pleased to see that Obama is looking at your health system too as it sounds very difficult to me.

 
Old 07-21-2009, 06:08 AM   #10
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

Why would we want government run healthcare when they can't take care of their own problems. We have the best healthcare system in the world and it's going to be taken away by our government who won't even have to participate in their own forced healthcare system.

 
Old 07-21-2009, 11:01 AM   #11
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

Unfortunately not all of us have access to that best healthcare system in the world. I'm one of the fortunate ones. I have insurance. I'm hoping there is a way all who need care can get it.

Love, Meg

 
Old 07-21-2009, 03:15 PM   #12
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

On getting a DNR, in another state, If you are the DPOA and it has been activated and I believe that is good in any state have the facility that your parent is at call their medical director and ask for an order for a DNR.

Just to let all of you know out there, if your loved one goes from the hospital to the nursing home, whether for long term care, rehab for what ever reason, the hospital will have already had the discussion with the family if there loved one has dementia and is unable to make decision. The hospital doc will sign for a DNR status and even on discharge the DNR is good Until that person sets foot inside the door of the facility you are going to, otherwise it is good and just make sure to put the copies in the wirte places, refridgerator and wallet.

So I am pretty sure the place where you are for respite must have a medical director that is an MD and can sign for a DNR.

Good Luck

 
Old 07-21-2009, 06:50 PM   #13
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

I am going to post this here to see if it will work..is anyone having trouble with this site tonight...I am not getting new updates...I started a new thread and it didn't show up either.

he site looks the same since about 9 this morning.

Love, Meg

 
Old 07-22-2009, 03:58 AM   #14
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

You are so right meg I noticed the same thing it appears there are no new posts until you click into the topic and then you find out there is new updates on the topic. Interesting I wonder what the heck is going on???? I thought it had something to do with my computer messing up

 
Old 07-22-2009, 04:33 AM   #15
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Re: Flaming angry plus Living Wills

Let's hope they get it fixed fast.

Thanks for responding...it's still not right this morning.

Love, Meg

 
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