CAJ0818

Hi all,

I took Mom to the Doctor and he sent us to a vascular surgeon my Mom's has stenosis of both carotid arteries with the left being over 90% blocked. So needless to say the surgeon told me surgery is the only option and this really scares me, because this is what my Mother's Mom died of. My Mom kept telling me that she is really scared and I told her Mom if you do not have this surgery you could have a stroke. After having this same conversation with her about three times (and actually watching her facial expression) it dawned on me, that my Mom did not know what a stroke was. I asked her if she knew what the word stroke meant and she said no. I explained to her what a stroke was and she was more than willing to go along with the surgery, but she is still scared.

The biggest decision for me was do I tell my three Sisters about the surgery? I cried, prayed and struggled on that one. They do not visit her at the nursing home and they will not help me take her to the Doctors appointments and I think I was feeling sorry for myself. But I also knew in my heart of hearts that Mom and I needed their support and prayers. I asked God to give me a sign, I talked to my Husband about it and of course my Husband is concerned and worried about me and told me not to tell them.

I went to work the next day and a told a co-worker what I was stuggling with, and she came back later and told me she needed to share a story with me and that was that a friend's Mother had the same simple procedure (at least that is what her friend thought) and her Mom died. Then I came here ready to write all of you and see what you thought I should do? I read that lil Deb had lost her Father. I cried so hard for Lil Deb and for my fear of losing my Mother. I went home and cried some more to my Husband once again and told him that I needed to tell my Sisters and he did not agree with me, but like I told him it is not about them, it is about me not being able to live with myself if something should happen to my Mother and I did not tell them. Because if one of them did not tell me about a surgery like this, someone would have to get me out of jail, because I would definely hurt someone. My Husband said it was up to me, but he knew that my Sisters would let Mom and I down once again, but that he would be there when they knock me down again. I love him, and he is very supportive but he is an only child and I do not think he understands the bond between Sisters.

So I prayed some more and then I talked to my Mother and she said she would prefer that I tell my Sisters. That she kept asking me the same questions over and over because she was trying to remeber what I said so that she could tell them. How that broke my heart, that she was trying to remember so she could tell them. I told her I would take care of it.

I told my Sisters and of course they wanted to know when, where and who is the Doctor? Did I check him out. I told them everything, even though two of them no longer speak to me. I also cried and told them how tired I was and that I need help, because I am also having problem with my boss at work because I have been taking off so much time at work. Do you think one of them asked me if they could assist me and take my to some of her testing before the surgery. No absolutely not, why do I keep believing in them. They hurt me all the time, I cannot believe we were all four raised by the same two parents.

I think they all will show up for the surgery and it will be very hard to be at he hospital with two Sister that do not speak to me, but I will endure, with the Lords help. One of the Sister that does not talk to me cried like a baby when I told her about Mom's surgery and asked me how I remain so strong. Strong? I told her I was far from being strong, that I am just doing what needs to be done and then I told her I have the support of my Husband, Friends (which are you wonderful people on this board) and the Lord.

I just needed to vent and asked all of you to keep good thoughts and prayers for my Mom during this surgery. We do not have the surgery scheduled yet, but it should be within the next couple of weeks. Also I told my Mother I would be at the hospital 24/7 until she gets out. I do not trust my Sisters to stay with her, and I know their is a shortage of Nurses and I will not leave my Mom alone. Do you all think I am being selfish to want to stay with my Mom 24/7 until she leaves the hospital. I know it will be an issue with my Sisters, becuase I am staying 24/7 and if only one person can stay overnight it will be me and not them, see how selfish I sound, but it is not about me being selfish, it is about a promise I made to my Mom to try and ease her fears.

Thanks for listening

Love,
CAJ/Julie