I am hearing your story TC and I see a parallel to mine. I was saying the same thing you are now. Mom doesn't have Alz, Dad does. Mom is just self absorbed. Mom is depressed. Yes, Mom is having some cognitive issues but it's because she is depressed and self absorbed because of Dad's dementia. Since Dad is getting worse we are noticing issues with Mom. But Mom has excuses for everything. Somebody else had to be at fault for the things she didn't remember!
That was three years ago and guess what, Mom has Alzheimer's and at this point she is worse than Dad. Don't be surprised if your Mom, even if she got it then, doesn't keep it beyond the meeting. You are doing absolutely the right thing. I am glad the care conference went well and the care manager did a good thing by telling your Mom that the doctor would not allow your step dad to come home. You Mom need a good physical including, at least, a mini mental, so you will know for sure where you stand with her. You need to insist that she go into assisted living if only for her own safety so she will not be living alone. Take it from me, that hint of cognitive issues is probably deeper than you want to see.... or at least it was in my case.
When we put Mom and Dad in AL, Mom could fool most of the people most of the time into believing she was ok. But when I dug deeper I realized it was all a front. She was a bookkeeper and she stopped keeping books for reasons that sounded legitimate but were actually nothing more than she couldn't manipulate number. Her abrstract thinking was going. She complained about her computer being "broken" when in fact it was her inability to manipulate electronics. She started getting angry at people for things I couldn't understand. Her life long caring, giving nature turned into self absorbtion. Though she was a "money wiz" she started making poor financial decisions. To listen to her talk I would think it was all above board but when I dug into the circumstances I realized there was something wrong. So I blamed it on depression and the doctor's diagnosis backed that up. WRONG!
So again... you are going in the right direction and need to keep moving like a bulldozer until you get it done I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers that you find the direction you need.
Thanks Deb. Bulldozer is RIGHT! That certainly fit for today. I left my house at 8:30 this morning - returned at 8:30 tonight. Spent all day with my mom taking care of loads of details. She's onboard with the move. She heard / took in what the staff said at the care conference. I have to say - it DID bother me when, over breakfast this morning she said to me that she was so glad for the care conference yesterday and that that was the FIRST time she'd heard that info??? Really?? First time? Hmmmmmm.....................
Anyway, right now I am counting down to Monday. My very dear BF of 4 years booked a trip for us to Hawaii way back in 2008! I am a very nervous flyer, but I AM boarding that flight!!! My sis from OR is coming up to help our mom begin to pack to move. And I - will be somewhere far away - focusing on beauty and nature! It doesn't seem real right now - but in a few days it will be Right now I am beat so will say g'nite my Alz's pals
TC... what part of Hawaii are you going to? I was in Waikiki the end of July and it was amazing. Enjoy every minute of it!!! You have earned the respite. I do hope your Mom stays onboard with the move... if not get out the bulldozer again
Enjoy your trip because it's well worth the flight.... and I will keep you, your sister and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers that this move goes well...
Oh, yes, TC. Live it UP!!! Enjoy your vacay and let sister handle mom and the packing.
A couple of years ago, these AlzPals of mine here on this board talked me into joining my DH, DD and DS on a family vacation for 3 days and paying someone to come in and take care of daddy. It was MAGIC. I felt like a new woman when I got home.
Now it's your turn. Go! Enjoy! And when you come back, I wanna talk about where you live. I am from Oregon and Washington - and that makes you my "homegirl"!
Talk to you when you get back. Enjoy yourself!
Last edited by skimps46; 09-11-2009 at 08:25 AM.
Reason: because i clearly cannot type accurately anymore!
We're going to the big island of Hawaii. I've never been there - haven't been to Hawaii since I was 13 - so - over 30 years ago! I managed to develop a paralyzing fear of flying (long story - can you say MAJOR STRESS???) which kept me grounded for 15 years I've been back in the friendly skies for over 3 years now and it has been very liberating to be able to fly again although I don't do it without a great amount of fear while getting to the airport and boarding the flight. You all send such great prayers (and I send them back to you btw) so any and all prayers for "travel mercies" are appreciated I have to say though - as I have faced down my own cancer - and now dementia with my DSD - I am getting really good at facing fears. It's a good thing, and God's running the show anyway, right???
Lil Deb - I live south of Seattle - born and raised in this area. My sister lives in Portland and during my marriage, Cannon beach was our favorite destination at least 3 times a year! I loved your stories about your dad and the rocks. I have rocks too from trips, and if I'm not breaking any laws, I hope to bring a few home from Hawaii too
My daddy was in construction, so we moved a LOT. I moved here to Colorado 7 years ago from Newberg, Oregon - just south of Portland and north of Salem, but lived in Washington a lot. Let's see...went to college in Seattle (UW), lived in Renton, Jr. High in Bellevue, beautiful mountain home in Packwood/Randall, Lynnwood, Sequim, graduated high school in Vancouver (Go Fort Vancouver Trappers!). I have kind of the same list from Oregon.
Enjoy Hawaii...and if you happen to see any agates in Hawaii - they were my daddy's favorite.
TC, when you have faced down cancer and dementia and you are still fighting, that walk to the airplane is going to be a piece of cake! Probably Rocky Road Cake but Cake none the less I absolutely love flying. There is something magical about being above the clouds looking down on the earth. I get a new prespective on just how amazing our world is an though I see just how tiny I am in that world it also gives me a sense of peace knowing it's all there for my taking. Flying back from Hawaii at night with a full moon shining down on the cloud cover below us was.... awesome!!!
So have a splendid trip and enjoy the big island. That is my next destination!
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for save and plesant travel and that your Mom and step day remain in a good place while you are gone
I have also flown a lot. Some scary and some wonderful experiences. Once I was flying back to NY from Indiana. We flew into a thunderstorm with big black clouds. This was in a small plane on its way to Cleveland where I would change planes and continue to NY.
I was getting a little worried about the up and down motion .. and then suddenly (as if in answer to my prayers) we were not only out of the storm, but a gorgeous rainbow appeared in the sky. It was a complete circle , not an arc, and since there were still black clouds behind it, the shadow of my plane was reflected on the cloud right in the center of the circle. I felt as if I were right in God's hand.
Statistically it is far more dangerous to cross the street or take a bath.
Okay - getting ready to head out to the airport. Just wanted to say before I go! Martha - love your story! The hand of God - it's where we really are all of the time anyway, we mere humans just forget (or - at least - this human does - even though I know better). DGab - love the Rocky Road Cake!! You are are wonderful!
I'm actually amazingly calm this morning. Usually by now I've had to take a xanax just to get myself into the car (don't worry - my BF drives!) to head out! Maybe all of this tough stuff really does make you stronger.................
I don't have enough time to share my goings on these past few days with my mom, but let me just say - DGab - I think my situation is a parallel to yours. My mom is definitely slipping.........it's NOT just stress..........or depression.............more about that when I return, but I just want to send out all my love to my Alz's pals!! And lil Deb - I'm a Husky too!!!! Small world, huh????? I will lift my arms to the sky and send up prayers for all of us while I am on the "big island." Aloha!!!!
Me too! I wanna go to Hawaii! I would have sooo much fun! TC, have a real blast!! You deserve it. We ALL do!
Caring - you have not been away all summer. You need a vacay! Come to Denver - we'll have a wonderful time. The Aspen's are turning, and it's a beautiful time of year. It's not Hawaii....but it's pretty darn nice here.
Sheesh, I left for a few days and the house got hit by lightening. That's just not right!
Oh well...but the upside is we got a new tv out of it...and the phones now work, the tv's now work and I have internet..it must be Christmas!
be glad the lightning just took out the equipment and stuff, I know of others that actually caught fire from an electrical storm. We use to have trees on the street in front and on the side of our house and i always worry about electrical strikes now that the tall trees have been removed by the town because they were interfering with high wires.