I just wanted to say hello. I am a psychiatric nurse working in special care. I have been working with individuals with dementia for past few years. I came to this site for other issues but found this message board and thought I would just say hello and read around. I couldn't have found a better field of nursing to work in !!! I have a grandmother with alzheimers as well who is still living at home with frequent visits from one of her daughters. there has been some talk about putting her in a care facility for safety reasons. Anyways , just thought I'd have a look around this message board!! I love these boards, it gives people a chance to talk with others with similar issues.
Welcome Tammy. This is a great place to learn abot Dementia. My Mom was in a NH for the last couple of years, and taken care of at home by me for 5 years before that. I was surprised at how nice the NH was, having had all kinds of fears. Now I think she would have been better off if she had entered the NH a year sooner. Come back agan and let us know how your grandma is doing.
Hi Tammy....you are SO welcome! You will surely give everyone a perspective into the caretaking of our loved ones that will give relief to many here!
I lost my Mom this March after 10 years in a very wonderful Alzheimer's Facility...FIL in Dec....and MIL the year before...both also with Alzheimer's. Each inlaw had been in facilities for about 4 years. I learned a LOT!!
Especially in the place where my Mom was...the care was excellent. I realized that most of the caretakers knew first-hand the devestation this horrendous disease brings...they treated Mom like she was their Mom...I witnessed this with all their clients.
The medical facility FIL was in also took tremendously good care of Dad....very different setting, but he was well taken care of.
MIL was in a private facility...it was easy for me to compare her care to my Mom's.............but her sons would not take any suggestions from me about improvement to her care.
You'll see much discussion about decisions to put a loved one in a facility...it's such a difficult decision accompanied by much guilt! Those of us here who have already lost loved ones, surely understand this!
So many fears accompany Alzheimer's...and rightly so! The effect it has on the entire family certainly changes us all...but we have to realize the fears are very much known to the afflicted person... and this is heartbreaking.
Hope you stay around...your insight will be much appreciated...and you'll find helpful info that you'll be able to use also!......Pam
Welcome Tammy. I agree with the others, this is a great place to sound off, vent, listen, and learn. But best of all there are people that are walking down the same path. Each has a loved one or ones with dementia and truly understands the struggles of caring for someone with this disease.
Both of my parents had dementia. Dad's is vascular and Mom's is Alzheimer's. We tried keeping them at home which lasted a year and ended badly. They were in Assisted Living for 18 months before it was necessary to move them to a locked ALZ unit. Each decision was tough to make but in the moment it was the right one.
If there is anything I have learned in this disease is that you have to be willing to reassess any decision you made. What is appropriate for today might not work tomorrow because of the changing disease. When we attempted to keep Mom and Dad at home it was the right thing for Mom. It didn't work forever and even though we hesitated to change their living location and it ended badly I am glad they were able to stay in their home of 50 plus years a little longer. Assisted Living was the right first step but they soon deteriorated beyond that level of care. Where they are now is where they need to be at this stage in the disease. Yes, there has been a period of adjustment connected to each move and sometimes it was a trying time, but worth the struggle in the end.
I do wish you luck with finding the right living situation for you grandmother. My best advice is to not wait too long to reassess grandmother's situation. I will keep you and her in my thoughts and prayers.
I lost my mother to the disease and my father had vasular dementia and AAA. They passed within 5 weeks of each other two years ago. My mom was in a locked unit and daddy lived in the independant area unti he needed more help.
You will make bemaking some tough decisions in the future, come back and chat if you need help. We have all either been there or are in the same state that you will be in.
Thanks for the welcome. I never was much apart of my grandmothers life. there were family dynamics lets just say when I was a child between my dad and his parents. So I never really grew up knowing them. I just hear about her once in awhile. Her husband (my grandpa) passed away a couple years ago from cancer so she is on her own in an apartment I know that much and my aunt often looks after her. anyways from some of the things I have heard she has been doing is accusing people of lots of stuff, leaving the stove on and things like that. There was talk of putting her in a home and that is all I really know. There is a big riff in my dad's family which is kind of sad. Big family and everyone doesn't like each other. I just kind of grew up without them much in my life. so any decisions won't even be discussed with me but I do care about her and hope that whatever decisions are made are for her benefit. But thanks again for the welcome.
That is truly sad Tammy. I know that things happen which create riffs in families but I am a firm believer of fixing them not letting them fester for years. What would happen if you went to see your grandmother?
I do hope someone is taking care of her that understands the ramifications of the disease.
One thing you might do would be to send the link to this HB Message Board to the Aunt who takes care of her the most. Here she would learn more about the disease than the doctor has time to tell her, and she would get the pros and cons of a nursing home. You could also send her a book on the subject; there are many good ones around.
Dad and I tried our hardest to keep mom home as long as we possibly could. She has Dementa along with numerous medical conditions one of them being she is a dialysis patient. When she was at home it was becoming harder and harder on her as well us to keep her safe. She was beginning to stay up all night. I would have to get up and down all night to check on her. She really wasn't doing anything. She would just sit very happily in her lazy boy chair tilll 3:00 in the morning but it was the getting up and walking to bed at that time of night when no was awake and she would be tired that made me afraid she would fall. Well, one day she did take a fall she was walking from one room to another with her walker when she dropped whatever was in her hand bent down to get it and tumbled over walker and all. Broke her hip and now has been in a facility since. This happened in May of 09. The facility she is in is rated one of the very best in the Boston area. We are very fortunate she is there. Plus, It is a 1/4 mile up the street from us. Staff are wonderful. I have learned throughout my whole experience is that you have to (family) be right on everything. It is nothing aganist the facility. I bop in 2x a day all different times. She is happy clean and the staff are wonderful to her. Its just with all her medical conditions it is not a hospital so I have to watch everything with her. Otherwise it may get overlooked and then we will have a problem. There are days I will be very honest when I wish I could bring my mom back home because she loved her home. Somedays I feel she could very well do the same thing she does up there all day sit in her lazy boy chair or sit outside in her beautiful yard BUT then I know there are the hard parts of the day when she needs to be cleaned dressed bathed and taken to the bathroom. Those are the tasks that would make it difficult on her as well as myself. Plus the fact that I work full time so I know in my heart it is an impossible dream.
This is a wonderful board to come to for all kinds of info ..We all come from all different places but we all have one common goal and that is to give the best care possible to our loved one with dementia /alz.
hi tammy. this board is the best. i lost my mother to dementia 3 months ago. my dad and i tried to keep her home, but it just didnt work. we put her in a nursing home and 8 months later she died. i miss her terribly. its so hard on the family to be a care taker and make decisions. i hope things work out with your grandma.