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Old 09-23-2009, 06:04 PM   #1
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85 yr old woman+mas

The house keeper for my 86 year old widowed mother-in-law told my husband the "M-i-l had blood spots on her sheets and was often found masturbating with a flashlight. We were very distressed that she may have hurt her self. My husband immediately drove down there and took her to her doctor. The doctor did a through exam and found nothing wrong or indication of such activity. My question is, Even if it had happened a week before my husband had got her to the doctor....would there have been abrasions? I would think so1

We are concerned about the house keeper and all sorts of stuff.
Thank you kindly. We are very upset as to the stress my M_i-L has been under because she is rapidly slipping into dementia.

 
Old 09-23-2009, 11:45 PM   #2
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Re: 85 yr old woman+mas

I would suspect there would be some evidence. Is there anybody there with your MIL except the house keeper? I would definitely keep a close eye on what is going on and even consider new help.

Love, deb

 
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Old 09-24-2009, 03:02 AM   #3
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Re: 85 yr old woman+mas

I have a suspicious feeling about all this. There would certainly be some kind of noticeable injury if this were true. I don't think it is. It is possible that there were spots on the sheet, could have been caused by almost anything. After all, the housekeeper is not watching her in bed I HOPE!

If your MIL is slipping into Dementia, she may need more than just a housekeeper. I highly recommend a nursing home with round he clock professional care.

People with Dementia do lose their inhibitions, but the manner in which she supposedly did this is bizarre. It is a pleasure seeking, not a pain seeking activity. I think the housekeeper has her own problems and fantasies.

In any case, someone has to have POA over your MILs medical and also financial affairs, so decisions can be made by someone in their right mnd who has the best interests of the patient in mind.

I wish you luck.

Love,

Martha

 
Old 09-25-2009, 09:06 PM   #4
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Re: 85 yr old woman+mas

Thank you for replying. I was afraid that people might take my post wrong because of the indelicate subject.
No, there is no one with my m-i-l except the house keeper. Unfortunately, my husband and I live about 500 miles away. Like you, I would have thought there would be evidence of such activity and I think I just wanted some conformation. (Even though her doctor said that it didn’t occur.)

MY husband did obtain another housekeeper. (From the same agency)
I think I will spend some more time researching other caretakers. If the housekeeper could make such a bizzare statement, then I do question the agency.

Regardless, I very much appreciate the feedback. I think I hit the panic button when I heard the story.

I have been trying to keep my mother in law out of a care home. I find her long term and short term memory fine. She does need assistance with incontenice problems and laundry and vacuuming…otherwise I think she can manage.
However, because no family in down there (LA) 4 other members want her put in a home.

Thank you again for reassuring me. I told my husband who is in LA with his mother having a conference with the agency.

He replied that he too was relieved by yours and and Debs post. He also laughed and said he didn't expect an appropriate reply.

HA! He is a man and doesn't understand how well woman brain trust.

Sincerely, Isobel

 
Old 09-25-2009, 09:28 PM   #5
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Re: 85 yr old woman+mas

Dear Martha I have never used a board like this so I do not know if you can see my reply to Deb. I am assuming you can (fingers crossed)

First, i will answer your very sensible and helpful suggestions. My husband does have POA and his son is 2nd in line. We have taken her all the MRI's, neurologist, etc that seem to be part of the determination that will be made to see if it is necessary to have her placed in a home.

I am hesitant to have her put in a home. She seems to me to be physically frail but her mind is fine. My concern is that if she is removed from her house, her cats, etc, that she will quickly wither away tormented by loneliness and anger. I believe that if she wants to stay in her own home, be alone at night and falls and breaks her neck, then that is fine.....It's her decision.

She is a women who came up the hard way, the wife of a policman, and she is very independent. I have told her that she is welcome her...but she wants to stay in her own home with all it's memories....

I am sorry, I am going on and on about things that were not relevant to my post' (rueful smile)
Thank you so much for reassuring me that my MIL had not gone bunkers. When I first heard it,,,,,I wondered if she was trying to find away to drive away the housekeeper. My MIL hates her there.

My original question was not one that I would feel comfortable asking my friends for family......not only is it a delicate subject but I think my MIL's privacy should be respected.

Thank you, thank you.

 
Old 09-25-2009, 10:07 PM   #6
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Re: 85 yr old woman+mas

I agree that it's not the kind of thing you ask an acquaintance of yours or your MIL's. If your Mom is absolutely in her right mind then she should have a say in staying at home. She does need dependable help whether she likes it or not. If it comes to the point that she can not stay alone for physical or mental reasons... sometimes the responsible party has to take it upon themselves to make the decision for them... through a doctor's recommendation would help.

I do hope the situation works out for you and the new housekeeper is better than the last

Love, deb

 
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