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Old 10-05-2009, 02:28 PM   #1
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Moved out

Hello again...new thread new thought...not that they come often!

Just moved dad into AL. It is only day 5 but he seems to be doing well except for sleeping at night. They talked to his Dr and will try ambian.

The thing that keeps going through my head is how to tell people that he has "moved". Most of the people have grown distant and some were church people. He was always involved with church. People always speak kindly of him, but where have they been. Oh, some say I should have called and asked for help, but why?

I know...they don't know what it is like. They think I have it all under control AND I do...usually. Just sometimes it would be nice to hear from old "friends."

Now back to the question...should I send out Address change information?

Thanks and sorry for the ...'s. They dots come out when I am rambling in my mind...

jodylynn

 
Old 10-05-2009, 02:36 PM   #2
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Re: Moved out

Just a thought as I am nervous re drugs unless absolutely necessary. I thought that the beauty of an Alz unit was that strolling at night was fine. Mum used to stroll, do her [20 year past] hospital round and check that everyone was safe, have a cuppa and potter back to bed.
Just be honest. Your dad is safe and cared for 24/7 and it's no business but your own. Help shouldn't have to be requested, caring people recognise need and act accordingly.
Would change dad's address to your own.

Last edited by cejayb; 10-05-2009 at 03:05 PM.

 
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Old 10-05-2009, 04:42 PM   #3
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Re: Moved out

Having his mail come to you is the best answer. Mom's mail went to Bill for years, even after her death . As for her old church friends - 5 people came out to Long Island to see her at the NH ..once in 2.5 years Her pastor of 35 years never came. When she died he had just retired. We 'borrowed' a pastor from a local church who did a creditable service considering that he knew next to nothing about mom ...

Love,
Martha

 
Old 10-05-2009, 05:11 PM   #4
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Re: Moved out

Mom and Dad moved in September to AL. We notified the church secretary who put their new address in the monthly newsletter. At Christmas we sent out Christmas cards with the new address to those on Mom's Christmas list. So far for this move, we just had the address put in the church bulletin and called a few individuals. Their mail was forwarded.

one thing I did notice, as you did Jodylyn, is that "friends" seem to go away. Even when Mom and Dad were at home there were infrequent visitors. There were a few that came by occasionally but not many. They had maybe half a dozen visitors while they were in AL and only a very few now that they are in the locked unit. Mom's nieces if forever faithful. One of Mom's friends come occasionally. But for the most part the "friends" just went away. I find that extremely sad knowing how much Mom and Dad did for so many, how active they were in the church, and how often they went to visit those that were shut in. Mom was still going to the nursing home to visit one of her church friends and visited with a shut in friend long after her ALZ was diagnosed.

So at this point, after three years, I am not too worried about letting people that don't come anyway know where they are!!

Love, deb

 
Old 10-05-2009, 05:18 PM   #5
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Re: Moved out

Change of address at post office for all bills, etc. but a unique card designed that says the following:



I use to be a jokster, but now I'm not so funny
I am now so dizzy the world is spinning out of control
My mind is going round and round

I have relocated to the (Good Works Nursing Home)
Their address is:
Street
City, State, Zip

If you were in my place, you'd want vists from family and friends, so know that I would love company so please feel free to drop over anytime
They make a good cup of coffee and we can sit and chat

There will be days in my future when I will no longer know who you are
so please come by now when I do. I would love to see you


Sincerely

 
Old 10-05-2009, 06:59 PM   #6
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Re: Moved out

For my mom, all important stuff goes to her grandson who handles her affairs.. but we have family sending cards on a regular basis so she gets mail there. She loves to open her mailbox and see mail. We even have her on a few junk mail lists. She loves it!!

Love, Meg

 
Old 10-05-2009, 08:43 PM   #7
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Re: Moved out

Caring -

That was beautiful! I think I will keep that (with your permission), so I can send it out for myself. Like, soon.

Today was my first (half) day of work. A dear friend that I worked with 4 years ago and kept in touch with, called last week and offered a job share/cover for me when I can't be there kind of job. Like, 15-20 hrs a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. It's back in insurance, where I am licensed and comfortable.

I did not take the care giving job. It was just too much too soon. I really didn't even entertain the idea for very long. Insurance is just perfect - cold and impersonal. I don't have to think much, or show any emotion. Pay is really good, I get to choose when I work (and knowing me, that will be all the time I can), and it's probably the right thing for me to do.

In actuality, I want to stay in this house schlep around in my sweats and sneakers, hair pulled back into a messy pony tail, and never leave. So forcing myself to put on my nickel's worth of Maybelline, decent ironed slacks and dress shoes is probably perfect. Makes me get out of the house.

I will still be on here every day. A part time job will not keep me away from my "family". No way.

...lil' deb

 
Old 10-05-2009, 09:45 PM   #8
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Re: Moved out

Brilliant 'Lil Deb. That brought a smile....it's hard, but your first step. Towels in the air perhaps??

 
Old 10-05-2009, 11:37 PM   #9
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Re: Moved out

That sounds wonderfull Little Deb. It get you out of the house and connected to the big wide world beyond planet Alz!! It is something you are comfortable doing as well. Yep, it's just perfect!! I am tickled pink for you and there are towels raining down in celebration.

Congrats and good luck...

Love, deb

 
Old 10-06-2009, 03:42 AM   #10
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Re: Moved out

I'm happy for you too, Li'l Deb .. enjoy the work and get the whole ALZ nightmare out of your mind ...

Loe,

Martha

 
Old 10-06-2009, 05:32 AM   #11
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Re: Moved out

I am proud of my adopted 'sister' Now if I can just get my sister's cataract eye surgery settled so she can 'see' and get her out to a job, that will be just fine!

Her surgery was done on one eye. She got her new glasses (which were like her old ones 'tri-focal') and she said she still can't see printed words on a page or the bottom part of viewing which is blurry. Don't know what can be done now.

CaringSister54

 
Old 10-06-2009, 03:34 PM   #12
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Re: Moved out

lil deb,
That is wonderful!!!! A very hard step to take. Yes, it would of been easier to stay at home in sweats everyday but you decided it was better for you to take that very difficult and courageous leap into the big world again. Not an easy thing to do but you did it!!! Not only that, but you gave a lot of thought to what it is you would feel most comfortable doing again.

I work in medical in a small community hospital that services a lot of elderly and some days I say to myself I need to be in a more postive environement between the sick elderly people at work and spending my off work time at the NH with mom. I feel I am surrounded by sick elderly people enough is enough!!
Thinking about going back to the field I loved..... working with children.
It's just hard to make that change.
I wish you all the best in your new venture

love pauline

Last edited by polina; 10-06-2009 at 03:36 PM.

 
Old 10-07-2009, 03:59 AM   #13
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Re: Moved out

Pauline, next to this Board, what kept me happy for the 5 years I lived with Mom in NY was my nursery school job. There is nothing like being surrounded by the bright eyed, eager, young faces to make you feel alive, needed, and uplifted. I worked there for 5 years and loved every minute; even the 1 hour commute on 2 buses was enjoyable in the joyful anticipation of what that new day would bring. My favorite was seeing kids from many countries pick up English practically overnight! I taught kids from Korea, China, Taiwan, various South American countries, the Philipines, and even one or two New Yorkers. I miss them all!

Love,

Martha

 
Old 10-07-2009, 09:45 AM   #14
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Re: Moved out

I understand that feeling Martha. When I left the long term care facility (because my daughter needed me and I was working 24/7/365 with a sorry administrator) I went directly to the school system. I found both rewarding but the future potential of the little ones was something special. I loved both jobs!

Love, deb

 
Old 10-07-2009, 11:25 AM   #15
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Re: Moved out

Yes, Martha I was in Early Childhood for 27 years. I was a preshcool teacher for 17 years then the last 10 years of my career I was the Director of a preschool center. Loved it. The only reason I got out is I thought the grass was greener on the other side and needed to go look for myself. Found out it is not!!! Now I want to get back into it not sure to what degree I want and what aspect I want. Sometimes I say I may be happy working in a school system as a school secretary That way I am back in the school setting but not directly with the children. Then somedays I say Maybe a private nanny position would be rewarding but that is a big commitment to the children/child and family one that sometimes I may not be able to fulfill due to mom things that come up for me to take on as priority.

I keep looking everyday putting my feelers out there because I know my day will come when I will be able to make the change. Timing is everything in life

love pauline

Last edited by polina; 10-07-2009 at 11:26 AM.

 
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