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Old 03-02-2010, 06:32 AM   #16
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Re: Dad's decline

Deb

P.S. I just read an obit in the paper yesterday of a couple married for 72 years. He died on the 19th of February and his wife followed on the 26th. they must have known it was bound to happen because apparently they held his body until she went and now they're having a funeral for both at the same time, side-by-side.

Now that is love

Diane

 
Old 03-02-2010, 07:30 AM   #17
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Re: Dad's decline

Deb - Just wanted you to know I'm here too!! Holding you in my heart - sending prayers your way. You are an amazing woman and it's my honor to be here for you in whatever way that I can. I love Diane's suggestion of the fluffy blankie - even if the fluffy blankie is just in your mind - think of it as all of us loving you and holding you through this time

 
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Old 03-02-2010, 11:12 AM   #18
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Re: Dad's decline

Oh Dearest Deb.....

I am catching up here and am so sorry to read your post about your dad. As usual you are taking care of everything and everyone, the way you always do. I hope someone is taking care of you? Of course you will do all you can for your dad now....not any different than all the care you've given him so far. He is a lucky man to have you for a daughter that's for sure. I know you are one strong lady...but no matter how tough you are, it will be hard still to lose him, no matter how much you know it is time, and he will be at peace. For that, I am here also sending you the biggest cyberhugs I can....and all my love and prayers. We are all thinking of you. You are so loved here Deb...and we are with you in spirit.

angels for Deb, Dad, Mom, and all the Sisters

Love you,
Caroline xoxo

 
Old 03-02-2010, 01:15 PM   #19
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Re: Dad's decline

Praying for you too, Deb. May you feel God's comforting presence.

Love,

Martha

 
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Old 03-02-2010, 05:03 PM   #20
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Re: Dad's decline

Oh Deb...

I was on our "other" site that we chat on, and was told by one of our family here to check in on health boards. I saw all the topics, but I KNEW which one she meant for me to read.

I am so sorry, Deb. Well, wait. Maybe that's not the right word. I AM sorry for you, because no matter how much our head knows, our heart is clueless and losing a parent is dreadfully painful, no matter how much one expects it.

For your dad, I am glad. He can go and be whole and perfect and peaceful and terrific for all eternity.

Nevertheless, it's an impossibly horrible situation. Are YOU holding up all right? Is there anything - ANYTHING - I can do to help?

Maybe just this. *Deb tosses Deb a huge bath towel - fluffy and lavender, scented with morning rain* Now. Hold on, and we'll hold onto the other end. That's what you told me the first day I posted so very long ago. You hold onto your towel, and we'll pull you through by holding onto the other end. It made me smile then - the first smile in a long time.

You know, of course, that you have been the saving grace for so many of us. Your wit, your intelligence, your grace, your love. Now it's our turn to do that for you.

With my love and prayers,

lil' deb

 
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Old 03-02-2010, 05:45 PM   #21
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Re: Dad's decline

Hey Lil' Deb Have thought of you so much these past months. That's so sweet what you wrote to Deb. Yes - she has / DOES pull me through some painful times. I'm so glad we're all rallying around her in her time of need.

Hope you're doing well. Thank goodness for the towels

 
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Old 03-02-2010, 07:28 PM   #22
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Re: Dad's decline

Yep, I'm doing ok. I'm staying busy and doing what needs to be done. We had snow all day today and I knew Dad was being well cared for so I stayed home and completed their taxes so I would have that off my plate! It had to be done and I would rather do it now than get caught in a crunch. I did annoy the caregivers with repeated phone calls. He is resting comfortably though looking more frail every day. The caregivers are amazing.

Tomorrow I am meeting with the Hospice social worker as well as Mom and Dad's minister from back home. Sisters 2 and 4 should be there along with a couple of the grand daughters. I need to check on med changes, be sure the new bed is in place, take in some supplies that have been requested, have sister 2 sign the accountant form, my list goes on and on... so I will be busy. Yep, this is how I survive. After everybody else is gone and my list is completed, I will sit with Dad for a while.

I think what I appreciate most is somebody asking if I am ok. Thank you all for that! I stay so busy and composed that most just assume. It is hard. My Dad is my rock and my hero. I am Dad's girl. He has always been large and in charge with kindness and compassion. It is so sad to see hm now. But as I told my daughter Sunday. Dad is going to die just as he lived. He is going to live up to his "Old Mule" nickname. He will go when it is his time and he is ready. So I am patient. I will look at the time left as the gift that it is. Thank you all....

Love, deb

 
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Old 03-02-2010, 07:34 PM   #23
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Re: Dad's decline

Boy, Deb...I can totally relate.

I was always so strong. So capable. I can do it. All by myself if necessary. The paperwork. The taxes. The banking. The caregiving. And it was all total bullsh*t.

I looked strong and capable. But I spent 50 years trying to be all that I thought my daddy wanted me to be. I still don't know if all that was a figment of my imagination, but I tried to "live up" to what I thought his expectations might be.

And as his time drew near, it became clear that maybe all that bravado was a facade. I was still such a little girl when it came to my daddy. I loved him so hard - and the last year or so, I knew that he (perhaps finally?) loved me too.

I know what you mean about it being so hard looking at your dad like he is now. I can still see my strong powerful daddy in his wheelchair, in a Depends, socks and a tshirt with a lap blanket. So drawn, so vacant and occasionally so scared. If I "go there" in my memories, I can cry like a 6 yr old girl that dropped her ice cream cone.

I wish I lived closer, Deb. I would wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug. I will stay in touch here, Deb. On this matter, at least.

Know that you and yours will be in my fervent prayers. I send my love, my good and faithful friend...

...lil' deb

 
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Old 03-03-2010, 04:02 AM   #24
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Re: Dad's decline

Deb,

I just want you to know that when all this is over, you'll soon forget so much of the bad stuff. And you'll carry the good memories with you always.

And, it's ok to fall apart when you need to. Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you, and hope you can find peace in knowing you've done your job well.

Love K

 
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:02 PM   #25
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Re: Dad's decline

Thank you Today was a very difficult day. Dad has stopped eating or drinking. He is so very frail. I know it will not be long now. Sister 2 and I stayed most of the day. I came home to get a few things together and make a few phone calls. I will sleep if I can and then go back. Mom is in a good place for which I am thankful. The staff is amazing. I am holding it all together for now and systematically going down my list of things to do.

Ken, I will hold it together until it is over. I will hold my nieces with they cry and take care of my Mom. I will do everything possible to make Dad comfortable. I will make sure all the details are attended to. Then I will have my quiet moments.

Sister 2 has been my rock. She is with me every step of the way. Sister 3 has decided to go ahead with her hemorrhoidectomy (elective surgery) tomorrow. She is a nurse and understood what I was telling her today. That is her choice. Sister 4 said she was going to wait until Saturday to come. I truly believe she will be too late. But that is her choice. When it is all said and done I will know that I did all that I could for him and I was the one, along with sister 2, that was there for him.

Ken I have such wonderful memories of my dad including the visit with my daughter there just last Saturday. I hold on to those moments as I go forward. My Dad had a heart attack 32 years ago that he should not have survived. He has given me more than half a life time with him and I can not be selfish enough to ask for more. I will miss him but I can not hold him here as he is now. I have told him that I love him, he was the best father I could every hope to have, and promised him I would take care of Mom. To that he said something I could not understand with my ears but I did with my heart. Then I told him it was ok to go home. I added our special words... "Trust me". With that he shut his eyes and drifted off.

I will be back at the facility early tomorrow and spend all the time I have left with him.

Thank you all.... and know I am doing well

Love, deb

 
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:22 PM   #26
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Re: Dad's decline

Oh, hon...

I am so sorry. I will be praying for you and your dad (and your mom, for that matter). I am glad you have support, but nothing makes this ok.

Now it's our turn to buoy you up as best as we can. You will be in my every thought, friend.

...lil' deb

 
Old 03-04-2010, 03:06 AM   #27
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Re: Dad's decline

Hi Deb,

I'm so sorry to have just found out about your dad's condition. Just wanted you to know that you have another friend who's keeping you and your dad in their thoughts and prayers.

God Bless.

Love Bill

 
Old 03-04-2010, 03:51 AM   #28
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Re: Dad's decline

Deb,

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to see this decline in your dad. There's just no way to prepare yourself for this is there?

I haven't been around here very long but you've always offered so much encouragement and support and my heart feels for you.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today.

 
Old 03-04-2010, 04:06 AM   #29
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Re: Dad's decline

Dear Deb,

I am here with you and I have my arms wrapped around you, hugging you as tight as I can, cry let it out, you have a to take care of yourself, while spending every moment with your Dad. You have been taking care of him for so long. Now it is just time to breath every moment with him in your heart. You are like me, we make sure we are strong for everyone else and then find a quit place to take care of ourselves. Sometimes I wonder what makes us so strong, but I know it is a higher power. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Love,
Julie B

 
Old 03-04-2010, 04:21 AM   #30
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Re: Dad's decline

Deb
You are by far at the most difficult time of your life. I am sure at times it must feel very surreal for you. I remmember going through all those last moments with Mom.... feeling like this was not really happening.

It's like they are standing at a door Deb they have their hand on the door knob ready to go. Your hand is covering their hand. As soon as you lift your hand off their hand they will turn the knob to leave.

For me that was the hardest thing to do was take my hand off of mom's hand to let her turn the knob..... I to this day believe someone higher took my hand off for me...... I just couldn't do it on my own...

You are a wonderful wonderful daughter deb.....

love & hugs to you
Pauline

Last edited by polina; 03-04-2010 at 04:22 AM.

 
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