Hey Lil' Deb Have thought of you so much these past months. That's so sweet what you wrote to Deb. Yes - she has / DOES pull me through some painful times. I'm so glad we're all rallying around her in her time of need.
Hope you're doing well. Thank goodness for the towels
The following user gives a hug of support to TC08: luyingjie (01-24-2012)
The Following User Says Thank You to TC08 For This Useful Post: luyingjie (01-24-2012)
Yep, I'm doing ok. I'm staying busy and doing what needs to be done. We had snow all day today and I knew Dad was being well cared for so I stayed home and completed their taxes so I would have that off my plate! It had to be done and I would rather do it now than get caught in a crunch. I did annoy the caregivers with repeated phone calls. He is resting comfortably though looking more frail every day. The caregivers are amazing.
Tomorrow I am meeting with the Hospice social worker as well as Mom and Dad's minister from back home. Sisters 2 and 4 should be there along with a couple of the grand daughters. I need to check on med changes, be sure the new bed is in place, take in some supplies that have been requested, have sister 2 sign the accountant form, my list goes on and on... so I will be busy. Yep, this is how I survive. After everybody else is gone and my list is completed, I will sit with Dad for a while.
I think what I appreciate most is somebody asking if I am ok. Thank you all for that! I stay so busy and composed that most just assume. It is hard. My Dad is my rock and my hero. I am Dad's girl. He has always been large and in charge with kindness and compassion. It is so sad to see hm now. But as I told my daughter Sunday. Dad is going to die just as he lived. He is going to live up to his "Old Mule" nickname. He will go when it is his time and he is ready. So I am patient. I will look at the time left as the gift that it is. Thank you all....
Love, deb
The following user gives a hug of support to Gabriel: luyingjie (01-24-2012)
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I was always so strong. So capable. I can do it. All by myself if necessary. The paperwork. The taxes. The banking. The caregiving. And it was all total bullsh*t.
I looked strong and capable. But I spent 50 years trying to be all that I thought my daddy wanted me to be. I still don't know if all that was a figment of my imagination, but I tried to "live up" to what I thought his expectations might be.
And as his time drew near, it became clear that maybe all that bravado was a facade. I was still such a little girl when it came to my daddy. I loved him so hard - and the last year or so, I knew that he (perhaps finally?) loved me too.
I know what you mean about it being so hard looking at your dad like he is now. I can still see my strong powerful daddy in his wheelchair, in a Depends, socks and a tshirt with a lap blanket. So drawn, so vacant and occasionally so scared. If I "go there" in my memories, I can cry like a 6 yr old girl that dropped her ice cream cone.
I wish I lived closer, Deb. I would wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug. I will stay in touch here, Deb. On this matter, at least.
Know that you and yours will be in my fervent prayers. I send my love, my good and faithful friend...
...lil' deb
The following user gives a hug of support to skimps46: luyingjie (01-24-2012)
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I just want you to know that when all this is over, you'll soon forget so much of the bad stuff. And you'll carry the good memories with you always.
And, it's ok to fall apart when you need to. Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you, and hope you can find peace in knowing you've done your job well.
Love K
The following user gives a hug of support to kenbob71: luyingjie (01-24-2012)
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Thank you Today was a very difficult day. Dad has stopped eating or drinking. He is so very frail. I know it will not be long now. Sister 2 and I stayed most of the day. I came home to get a few things together and make a few phone calls. I will sleep if I can and then go back. Mom is in a good place for which I am thankful. The staff is amazing. I am holding it all together for now and systematically going down my list of things to do.
Ken, I will hold it together until it is over. I will hold my nieces with they cry and take care of my Mom. I will do everything possible to make Dad comfortable. I will make sure all the details are attended to. Then I will have my quiet moments.
Sister 2 has been my rock. She is with me every step of the way. Sister 3 has decided to go ahead with her hemorrhoidectomy (elective surgery) tomorrow. She is a nurse and understood what I was telling her today. That is her choice. Sister 4 said she was going to wait until Saturday to come. I truly believe she will be too late. But that is her choice. When it is all said and done I will know that I did all that I could for him and I was the one, along with sister 2, that was there for him.
Ken I have such wonderful memories of my dad including the visit with my daughter there just last Saturday. I hold on to those moments as I go forward. My Dad had a heart attack 32 years ago that he should not have survived. He has given me more than half a life time with him and I can not be selfish enough to ask for more. I will miss him but I can not hold him here as he is now. I have told him that I love him, he was the best father I could every hope to have, and promised him I would take care of Mom. To that he said something I could not understand with my ears but I did with my heart. Then I told him it was ok to go home. I added our special words... "Trust me". With that he shut his eyes and drifted off.
I will be back at the facility early tomorrow and spend all the time I have left with him.
Thank you all.... and know I am doing well
Love, deb
The following user gives a hug of support to Gabriel: luyingjie (01-24-2012)
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I'm so sorry to have just found out about your dad's condition. Just wanted you to know that you have another friend who's keeping you and your dad in their thoughts and prayers.
I am here with you and I have my arms wrapped around you, hugging you as tight as I can, cry let it out, you have a to take care of yourself, while spending every moment with your Dad. You have been taking care of him for so long. Now it is just time to breath every moment with him in your heart. You are like me, we make sure we are strong for everyone else and then find a quit place to take care of ourselves. Sometimes I wonder what makes us so strong, but I know it is a higher power. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Deb
You are by far at the most difficult time of your life. I am sure at times it must feel very surreal for you. I remmember going through all those last moments with Mom.... feeling like this was not really happening.
It's like they are standing at a door Deb they have their hand on the door knob ready to go. Your hand is covering their hand. As soon as you lift your hand off their hand they will turn the knob to leave.
For me that was the hardest thing to do was take my hand off of mom's hand to let her turn the knob..... I to this day believe someone higher took my hand off for me...... I just couldn't do it on my own...
Well... I thought I was ok last night!! I brought home a car load of Dad's things and had to unload the car after I got home last night. Hubby woke me this morning to tell me the back hatch of my car had been left open all night. Thankfully the hatch lights are on a timer and went off within a few minutes but the kitty ate my special K bars!
I did two loads of laundry, ironed, packed tentatively for the trip home, and I am headed back with a few hours sleep. Sister 2 changed her plans for today and will be there with me again. She and I, with the help of the staff will see it through.
Thinking of you so much and sending you all my prayers. I remember Deb when my grandma passed....my mom told me that when the time came she didnt know how she would handle the actual event....her and especially my uncle who lived with her and cared for her during this illness. I too thought they would go to pieces. It didnt happen that way, it was quiet......and once they knew the time was near, it was like a snowball effect. You just went with what was happening until it was over, and let the one you love know you're there and its okay to go now. I know you are already a strong lady.....but I think naturally a calm comes over you and you just do what you have to.......your parents bring you into this world, and you in turn help them leave it. It is as it should be. Your time to let go and not be strong for everyone around you will come after. I know you're looking after mom, your nieces, etc, but I really hope someone is looking out for you dear friend.......you know we are all right here praying for you, mom, dad and your sisters.
One thing Deb....when your dad is at peace, you will have no regrets, nothing left unsaid....you loved him and cared for him so much.......you will find that same peace also. I'm glad to hear your mom is doing well....god bless her.....I wonder how you will handle that situation.......so hard....
We're in Key Largo and I'm using my friends computer. I just wanted to tell you that my heart is with you and that I'll be thinking of you and praying for your family. I understand how you feel and what your going through these last few days with your Dad. Its just the most heart breaking thing to watch someone you love so much pass away. He has been cared for and loved Deb and you should be so content with that knowledge.
You were there for me when Mom was dying and just know that I'm there with you in sprit. God bless you all.
Love you and I'm holding you in my heart my friend,
Chris
the one thing I'm very concerned about is 'you'. After your Dad passses and the ceremonial stuff is concluded, you will not have much time for yourself before its time to dig in and continue to do for your Mom. No breather, no break in routine, no time for YOU.
YOU are always the one to say 'you must take care of yourself, so you can be there to take care of others'. Where are you now?
I wish I could be there to give a hand, lend a shoulder, and put you into the loving embrace so you know how we all care.
Please, please realize that its time to take a break for yourself. After its over, you and sister 2 should go somewhere even if its in town to a hotel for an overnight stay and spa treatment. Tell Sister 3 to recuperate closer to Mom because she's all hers for a weekend.
Love you to and yours.
CaringSister54
PS WTH (and you all know what that stands for so I'll say it again) WTH!!!!
where was hubby when you were carrying in everything?????? For him to wake you to tell you the hatch was open! you've got to be kidding me. Couldn't he have just closed the hatch and let you sleep a little longer????
Last edited by caringsister54; 03-04-2010 at 10:16 AM.
Of course it won't be easy, but I have faith that you will get through this and that you will recuperate over time doing what it is you do best. Coping while handling things. It is what we do. All of us. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. One box of Kleenex at a time.
I wondered aloud to my brother this past week if maybe I should get a dog when my mom's time comes...something to help me with the transition. He laughed long a hard...said, just what I needed was more responsibility! He suggested I take a trip instead. So Diane's suggestion isn't a bad one...even though we know you still have your mom to look after. But it is a blessing that your mom is in a good place right now. Heaven knows you don't have the time to go buy her a new car right now or time to gather her belongings from the other side of the fence!
Kiss your father goodbye from us. He was a wealthy man to have you as his daughter.
Have thought of you so much these past months. That's so sweet what you wrote to Deb. Yes - she has / DOES pull me through some painful times. I'm so glad we're all rallying around her in her time of need.
