It has been a difficult weekend. My daughter was home to see her grandparents so we spent Saturday and Sunday afternoons with them. I had just seen Dad on Thursday but was taken back at how much worse he looked Saturday. His weight loss has been dramatic and he had the yellow pallor of jaundice. His cognition has slipped even further down. Even though he was up Saturday (they knew my daughter was going to be there) for the most part he slept in his chair. Sunday he was unresponsive in bed while we were there.
I have talked to the Hospice nurse today and even she was amazed at the dramatic change over the last few days. Last Thursday she had decided to cut back the visit to once a week... but as of today she will be back Thursday. His heart rate has increased, his BP has lowered, and his heart is very irregular. He is showing signs of swallowing difficulties as well. So we have changed his meds, stopping most of them. The rest are now in liquid or crushed form. I have given my permission for the morphine to be on premises though it is not going to be used at this time. It will be there when and if we need it. I have also contacted the funeral home and started making the necessary arrangements.
I have talked to Sister 2, who was going to see Dad today, and gave her a heads up. I have just hung up from talking to Sister 4. I just have sister 3 and will call her when she gets off work. She has surgery schedule for Thursday so I need to let her know what is going on.
I'm so sorry Deb. No matter how much it is expected, we are still taken aback when it actually comes. God bless you and lead you through the next weeks. Your Dad may just be ready to go.
I am so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers. I can hear your pain, and sadness. But I also know that you know that the place they are going to is pain free. I hope that gives you some comfort.
Oh Deb - oh honey - here you were giving me empathy on my thread, and I just read yours Crap this stuff is hard ain't it???? I wish I had the right words - but I can tell you that my heart is with your heart. I started writing my DSD's obituary months ago. It was a very cathartic thing to do.
Please keep us posted as I know you will. I am sending you one, BIG cyber {{{{HUG}}}}!!!!!!
sorry to hear about Dad. We spend all this time dealing with this stuff day by day, and it seems to go on forever. Then when the end draws near, seems like everything just speeds up to warp speed.
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I'll keep you in my prayers and will be thinking about you. My heart is with you at this difficult time. Chin up!!
Sorry Deb for what you are dealing with right now. Its very difficult to go through this and watch the process. My prayers are with you and yours. I love the video's of your Mom and you. They were cute to watch. Your mother at least still has her rhythm.
Deb, I am soo sorry to hear that your dads health is declining so quickly. I know it is very difficult to watch. Please take care of yourself during this time.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers... it does mean so very much to me that you are all here.
I am doing well. Sister 2 went to see Mom and Dad today after the Hospice nurse. She had not been since last week and saw the same decline I saw. One of my nieces was also there with her.
Tomorrow they deliver the high/low bed and hopefully that will totally eliminate the falls. It will also move mom to a twin bed in the same room which will be better for them both. Up until now they have had their queen size bed.
I spent the day dealing with the funeral home, minister, military honor guards, calling family and making decisions. Perhaps it's just my way of dealing with it but I have to do all that I can now. Sister 4 and I had a very good conversation and see eye to eye on many of the details. I was pleased. I also talked to sister 3 and left her with the decision about her surgery. Sister 4 will be here Wednesday as will one of my other nieces and Mom and Dad's minister. So I will definitely be there Wednesday. Tomorrow is iffy because we are supposed to have snow again. Then my daughter is planning to come back on Friday. I already have my list for tomorrow... Yep I keep busy busy busy. Details are a comfort. I firmly believe that the best way I can honor Dad is to do what needs to be done for him now.
We also made the hard decision about what to do concerning Mom. I truly believe that she is not aware of what is going on. When Dad is not with her she no longer ask about him. It's a 3 hours trip to our home town where the services will be. The house is empty and ready to sell so we will be in a hotel. I truly don't believe that taking Mom out of her routine and comfort zone will be good for her. So we are leaving her behind. Sister's 2 and 4 agreed immediately and sister 3 was on board eventually. I think that was the hardest decision that had to be made.
Watching Dad this last week I know it is his time. He is ready. As I have said before, we expected to lose him 32 years ago and several times since. So I truly believe that I have had a gift for the last 32 years. All that I am doing now is what I must do to let him go. I will enjoy him until the last moment and then I will miss him terribly... but I know it is his time and I am ok with that
Just hang with me for a while. knowing you are all here gives me somewhere to go that I know people care
Ah, Deb. I am so so sorry. The time is here and though it is best for them, we never want to let them go.
You are doing all you need to do. Stay with with what works best for you. And I agree with your decision to leave mom alone. Why make her suffer needlessly. She won't understand and it will just be too too upsetting for her.
I am in California and will be home late tomorrow night. I will check in as soon as I can and until then I offer you my love, my support and my prayers for you and your family.
Love, Meg
The following user gives a hug of support to meg1230: luyingjie (01-24-2012)
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You know that big, fluffy, blanket tucked into the back of your closet. Yep, you know the one. Take it out and wrap yourself in it for a minute or two and pretend its all of us from here holding you in our arms.
We are sorry for all that you are going through but my God! another bed change? your parents have been in more beds than Goldie Lock's 3 bears!
But I agree that first your mother should be in a twin bed as she may have moments where she's going to look for your father in bed wit her.
Plus, its not good that he's in the bed with her when he takes his last breath, he needs his own space at that point.
You have been a good daughter. The struggles between all your sisters will be in the past and only good throughts will reign.
My thoughts are with you friend and our arms are holding onto the corners of the towels, wrap yourself up in our love we're sending your way.
CaringSister54
The following user gives a hug of support to caringsister54: luyingjie (01-24-2012)
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I'm so sad to hear about your Dad. He seems like part of the family - you've made him so real to us. I choose my spiritual beliefs by what lifts me up most, and one of my beliefs is that every soul gets to choose it's own time to leave. If you feel he's ready, then I'm sure he is.
You give so much to everyone here, you've given so much to me. It feels really good to read all the love and comfort and encouragement that is coming your way now and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
P.S. I just read an obit in the paper yesterday of a couple married for 72 years. He died on the 19th of February and his wife followed on the 26th. they must have known it was bound to happen because apparently they held his body until she went and now they're having a funeral for both at the same time, side-by-side.
Deb - Just wanted you to know I'm here too!! Holding you in my heart - sending prayers your way. You are an amazing woman and it's my honor to be here for you in whatever way that I can. I love Diane's suggestion of the fluffy blankie - even if the fluffy blankie is just in your mind - think of it as all of us loving you and holding you through this time
I am catching up here and am so sorry to read your post about your dad. As usual you are taking care of everything and everyone, the way you always do. I hope someone is taking care of you? Of course you will do all you can for your dad now....not any different than all the care you've given him so far. He is a lucky man to have you for a daughter that's for sure. I know you are one strong lady...but no matter how tough you are, it will be hard still to lose him, no matter how much you know it is time, and he will be at peace. For that, I am here also sending you the biggest cyberhugs I can....and all my love and prayers. We are all thinking of you. You are so loved here Deb...and we are with you in spirit.
I was on our "other" site that we chat on, and was told by one of our family here to check in on health boards. I saw all the topics, but I KNEW which one she meant for me to read.
I am so sorry, Deb. Well, wait. Maybe that's not the right word. I AM sorry for you, because no matter how much our head knows, our heart is clueless and losing a parent is dreadfully painful, no matter how much one expects it.
For your dad, I am glad. He can go and be whole and perfect and peaceful and terrific for all eternity.
Nevertheless, it's an impossibly horrible situation. Are YOU holding up all right? Is there anything - ANYTHING - I can do to help?
Maybe just this. *Deb tosses Deb a huge bath towel - fluffy and lavender, scented with morning rain* Now. Hold on, and we'll hold onto the other end. That's what you told me the first day I posted so very long ago. You hold onto your towel, and we'll pull you through by holding onto the other end. It made me smile then - the first smile in a long time.
You know, of course, that you have been the saving grace for so many of us. Your wit, your intelligence, your grace, your love. Now it's our turn to do that for you.
With my love and prayers,
lil' deb
The following user gives a hug of support to skimps46: luyingjie (01-24-2012)
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Crap this stuff is hard ain't it???? I wish I had the right words - but I can tell you that my heart is with your heart. I started writing my DSD's obituary months ago. It was a very cathartic thing to do. 
