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Old 07-17-2010, 07:35 AM   #1
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brother in law passed away

I have watched people of my parents' generation depart this life, one by one. Only one is left, my dear Aunt who at 97 shows no signs of Alzheimer's.

I found out recently that a brother in law (younger brother of my Ex) passed away earlier this week. He was considerably younger than I am .. and it really hits me hard that I am so far out of the loop since my separation 10 years ago that I didn't even know he was sick. He had cancer maybe 20 years ago and this must have been a recurrence. It is a strange feeling. The only sister in the family of 5 was the one who thought of informing me.

Quite a few of my parents' generation lived long enough to get AD. This man didn't. Maybe it is not all bad to die young? He was 65.

Love,

Martha

 
Old 07-17-2010, 01:05 PM   #2
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Re: brother in law passed away

There are always such mixed emotions when someone died. Were they too young, too old, died quickly, or suffered long. Did we do what we should while they were alive. Just know that it is what it is... and it is right. We do what we can and don't look back with regrets. There was good reason there was no contact. I am glad your SIL let you know. Send your sympathies and continue with your new live. Since those days you have carved out an amazing life for yourself and you are happy That is what you need to focus on. Life is for living the best you can.

Love, deb

 
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Old 07-17-2010, 07:30 PM   #3
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Re: brother in law passed away

Good words, Deb.

Love, Meg

 
Old 07-31-2010, 01:40 PM   #4
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Re: brother in law passed away

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha H View Post
I have watched people of my parents' generation depart this life, one by one. Only one is left, my dear Aunt who at 97 shows no signs of Alzheimer's.

I found out recently that a brother in law (younger brother of my Ex) passed away earlier this week. He was considerably younger than I am .. and it really hits me hard that I am so far out of the loop since my separation 10 years ago that I didn't even know he was sick. He had cancer maybe 20 years ago and this must have been a recurrence. It is a strange feeling. The only sister in the family of 5 was the one who thought of informing me.

Quite a few of my parents' generation lived long enough to get AD. This man didn't. Maybe it is not all bad to die young? He was 65.

Love,

Martha

 
Old 07-31-2010, 01:52 PM   #5
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Re: brother in law passed away

Hi, It is very hurtful when family doesn't inform you of what happens to someone in the family and until after the fact... but for what ever the reason, thank God that the one person who does care reached out for you. I am empathic to your grief. It is hard seeing family member with dementia. I have it but hope it doesn't get worse. I thing 43 is way young for dementia. I do pray and am very close to God. I do hope to be of hope and help to others. I miss being a caregiver. Does anyone is your amediate family have dementia? I know sometimes family members don't want to believe when a loved one has dementia or Alzheimers and will just say it's a mis diagnoses or it's normal aging and memory forgetfulness is just a part of getting order. I do believe it can be a part of life and memory along with physically along with your body braking down that memory goes too. But when someone you love starts doing more and more stuff and forgetting a lot or doing stuff to try and not show they may have the problem then it needs attention. I don't like my memory decline. But I do everything to work my brain and won't stop thinking of staying on top of daily living. Don't give up.
Hopeful Always

 
Old 07-31-2010, 02:34 PM   #6
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Re: brother in law passed away

Thanks for being so understanding.

My Mom passed away 2 years ago, after 8 years of Dementia. She was 99. I got so much help and support from the people on this Board that I keep coming back.

Love,

Martha

 
Old 07-31-2010, 05:59 PM   #7
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Re: brother in law passed away

Quote:
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Thanks for being so understanding.

My Mom passed away 2 years ago, after 8 years of Dementia. She was 99. I got so much help and support from the people on this Board that I keep coming back.

Love,

Martha

 
Old 07-31-2010, 06:08 PM   #8
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Re: brother in law passed away

Hi Martha, anytime. This site is wonderful, and there is nothing like people who go through the same or simular things and know how it feels. It feels like a roller coaster to me.
Not too long ago did my grandma Seconda and my husbands great granny Haynes pass away. They both had dementia. My grandma Seconda was very close to me and I am so happy she remembered I was her son, Louigie's daughter, Rachel. She was so kind to everyone. We sure miss them both. Granny Haynes was devoted to God as well. She loved it when I would come in and read the Bible to her when she was in Hos Pis. I knew it helped her feel closer to God because she couldn't read the Bible to herself anymore and my husband ordered a Bible story on DVD. That way she could listen to it when we weren't there. It was special that my son, her great great grand son was with me when we saw her right before she died. We got the call a half hour later when we walked in the door that she had passed. Our son hadn't seen her in a long time.. he lived in Spokane was down to visit us.
Do you have anyone that you feel special to? That is in the family or a close friend? I am glad I can be here.
Hopeful Always

 
Old 07-31-2010, 06:13 PM   #9
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Re: brother in law passed away

Yes, although I live alone I am near my daughter and her husband and her two boys, and I have a lot of friends, a wonderful church, a good relationship with my two sons and their wives who live far away, as well as my wonderful brother who also lives far away, and one sister .. I am truly blessed and happy.

Love,

Martha

 
Old 07-31-2010, 06:22 PM   #10
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Re: brother in law passed away

Hi Martha, I can see why, you are a very kind person and it shows. One of the things that helps me most is being close to God and being close to my husband and parents. I am close to our son too. Our son lives in Spokane, WA and he and his girlfriend is about to have our first grand baby.. It makes us very happy. We are still praying for our daughter and really hope she will make a turn a round in her life before it kills her. She is 17 and will be 18 in Nov. and we can't stop thinking about her. It seems to be our subject everyday. She is so blessed to be alive because she almost died from that three story fall. She is at Seattle Children's Hospital and doesn't know why she's there. She and I talked today and she said she was sorry and didn't mean to say the things she said to us last time we talked. I told her not to worry and she needent say sorry and just needs to get better. She is so pretty and has a whole life ahead of her waiting to let her shine. We know she has a lot to offer and she can, she just needs to find the will to believe inself. It does, like I say, means everything to us when there are family and friends who believes in us and there for each other.
Hopeful Always

 
Old 08-09-2010, 09:56 AM   #11
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Re: brother in law passed away

Oh Martha,

I am sorry. At least the sister remembered to call you. Just because there was a divorce doesn't mean that you don't still consider the rest of the family decent!

It is sad to watch the elders leave. I lost my godfather in February this year. His wife is my mother's only living sister. It makes her days long. I try to visit at least twice a year as she is now my stand in "mother".

My thought snad prayers are with you and your family...

 
Old 08-09-2010, 10:58 AM   #12
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Re: brother in law passed away

Martha - just wanted to add my condolences............I'm glad someone thought to contact you, also glad that you have moved on with your life in the way that you have. You are such a light for those of us in the middle of this dementia experience. I'm sending you huge {{{HUGS}}} right now!!!!!


 
Old 08-09-2010, 12:26 PM   #13
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Re: brother in law passed away

Thanks TC, I appreciate it!

Love,
Martha

 
Old 08-09-2010, 01:33 PM   #14
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Re: brother in law passed away

hi martha, i am sorry to hear about your brother-in-law. death at any age is hard. focus on yourself as much as you can. think about the family you have with you and think how much you are blessed. i know its hard.

 
Old 08-09-2010, 03:04 PM   #15
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Re: brother in law passed away

Martha,

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your brother in law. When someone we care for passes we lose part of ourselves. But in our heart and memories they are with us forever. Peace and love at this difficult time.

Bearcubs

Last edited by bearcubs; 08-09-2010 at 03:05 PM.

 
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