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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board
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Old 06-30-2011, 10:25 AM   #1
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Thinking of you

I haven't been on in a while, but this morning I was thinking about my mother-in-law. I have to say my mother-in-law could be the rudest person sometimes but did have moments she could be sweet. She passed away August 4th of last year. You keep going and the pain lessens some but I miss her so much. She was the last surviving parent. I lost my Mom in 90 and my Dad in 98. My husbands Dad passed in 94. I think about all of y'all so much. I wish I could ease your worries and help you get through this. You WILL get through this. It's not easy.

I just needed to talk to someone who understands. I really miss her today. The two years before she passed were some of the hardest days I have ever been through but I would do it again if I had to. Hug your loved ones and give them plenty of kisses. I know there are days you feel like you can't take another day of worry and fatigue but in the end you will know that you have did everything possible to take care of them. Some of you may be taking care of someone who has never given you anything but pain and grief but you still do it anyway. God bless you if this is your situation. Everyone just keep taking it one day at a time and know that someone is praying for you.

Last edited by Lucado; 06-30-2011 at 10:26 AM.

 
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Old 06-30-2011, 01:19 PM   #2
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Re: Thinking of you

It is so good to hear from you and I thank you for checking in with us all. It does us good to hear from those who have moved to the other side of this disease....the life after Alzheimer's. And yes, this is the right place to come for understanding. No one but us understands what it is like.

I do spend my mornings with my mom as though it is the last. She is primped and touched and kissed and hugged... but the hard fact is that one of these days it WILL be the last. My nagging question is if I am prepared for that. Of course I am not ready but prepared I will be because she prepared me.

And you are right ..if there is one thing we know it is that we did/are doing the best we could in walking them through it to the end. Together with each other's help we'll keep on keeping on.

Love, Meg

 
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Old 06-30-2011, 02:51 PM   #3
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Re: Thinking of you

i miss my mom and it has been a little over 2 years. what a nice post you wrote. i have my dad, but i am seeing the decline in his health. you are right-one day at a time.

 
Old 06-30-2011, 03:19 PM   #4
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Re: Thinking of you

Thank you Lucado It gave me a moment to reflect. I fill as you do about my Dad. I miss him every day, I would do it all again, but yet there is a sense of peace. In the throws of taking care of Mom now sometimes it doesn't leave to time for Dad memories.

Meg, those questions nag me as well. Which day will be my last. I think I am prepared but I will never be ready. I do wonder what I am going to do when all of this is over. I lost my MIL, FIL, and Dad all between late 2009 and late 2010.. now there is just Mom. It has been a long road with a short road left to travel... but how short?

I think about those that have lost loved ones and those that are still in the care giving mode daily and keep them all in my thoughts and prayers.

Yes Lucado, I do take your advice, visit with Mom frequently, enjoy her smile and collect my hugs and kisses. They are what I have left and I am selfish like that!

Love, deb

 
Old 06-30-2011, 05:42 PM   #5
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Re: Thinking of you

Phew, Deb, sure glad to hear I'm not the only one with the nagging questions. I'm sounding a bit whiny to myself lately.

But boy oh boy..if we aren't entitled to a little whine fest from time to time, no one is!

Love, Meg

 
Old 07-02-2011, 10:18 AM   #6
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Re: Thinking of you

all of the "being prepared" won't make you ready. When my wife died just over two years ago, I was "prepared" – had been for a long time. But when the moment came, I was not ready. Even though it was a great relief for both of us. It was probably one of the sweetest times we ever had together. Her letting go, and me telling her it was ok. And it was very surreal ... I realized I was a "widower" at the age of 52. It was not supposed to happen like that.

And all of the stress and frustration and anger.... all of that is forgotten. I can't for the life of me make myself remember how it felt. Which is a good thing.

But, yes. You all will get through it. And you will soon realize that you are SO much stronger than you ever thought you could be.

Hope you all have a great 4th of July weekend. Please remember to take time for yourself and enjoy something. Forget just for a moment that you are a caregiver.


Later. K

Last edited by kenbob71; 07-02-2011 at 10:19 AM.

 
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Old 07-02-2011, 11:42 AM   #7
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Re: Thinking of you

Ken, I think you hit on exactly what has amazed me in this entire process. I have come to realize that I was much stronger than I every thought I was. If you had described to me 15 years ago, what I would go thought in the next 15 years, I would have run screaming into the dark! But one day at a time you figure out just what you can do. So don't try to take it all in at once... just take it all one day at a time

Love, deb

 
Old 07-02-2011, 03:26 PM   #8
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Re: Thinking of you

Yes, I agree! If you had told me too what was to come I would never had believed it. Not my mother. She wouldn't hate me and not talk to me for over a year and a half. She wouldn't make me her number one enemy. Not Me! Not My Mother!! She would never cut me out of her will! Hah!!! ( I can almost laugh, now, at that one.)
Yes, looking back, we have come through and ..some of us...still going though a lot! The agony ..the paranoia..the fear....the hysterics...the awfulness of the disease, but by gosh, we are still standing...limping a little, perhaps, but standing none the less. And when I start to fall over, one of you reaches out and props me back up.

Not only am I amazed at our strength...but at our
durability. We're like the ever ready bunny...we just keep going.

And glad to hear, Ken, that the horrors disappear leaving only the good memories. Take that Alzheimer's! We win!

Love, Meg

 
Old 07-03-2011, 09:15 AM   #9
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Re: Thinking of you

Yes, thank goodness we don't know (most of us anyway) what the future holds. I probably would have run away and hid under a rock! But there is an inner strength (maybe a God-given one) that we possess to get us through the worst we can imagine. Strength we would never find we have if we always run from our problems.

One day, one step at a time. And with a few friends who really understand, you make it to the other side. As the end got closer for me, I kept saying that I could see a light at the end of the tunnel... just hoping it wasn't a train coming at me!

Happy 4th! K

 
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