Placed Mom in nursing home. After bad experience with aricept 23 mg she took sprial down tread didn't know where she was, who we wwere all in two days things changed. I hear now they are considering to take it off the market. (23mg) dose. She went into the Hospital after she tried to find her home , fell going down my sister's outside steps hit her head, back and bottom. My sister installed cameras, gates, door alarams and still it was just too much. To say I am sad .... beyond sad as you or most know the feeling. My fil passed in Jan. from this. my mil has the vascular type she is very strong willed and refuses accpetance. Thur this my sister and her family dealt with mom. I took her to the dr and outtins when I could and the last weeks was in and out every day. mil upset she didn't get to go to her outting due to me helping with MOM. My husband tried to help but she was mad at me because I choose my mom over her. he doesn't have very much patience so that didn't go well either.......
This the the third love one I have had to deal with this
So yes, I want to run away but mainly away from this horrible diease.... I know my turn is coming , I have seen how this ends,
there is no where to hide.
There are so few of us to help and I love them so I can't leave.
but.....
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: hillside6 aras (07-30-2011), ninamarc (07-31-2011)
Hillside... there are times we all want to run long and hard and fast but the problem is... wherever we go there we are. What sent us running follows us because it is in us. I am so very sorry you have so much on your plate. What you need to do is don't beat up on yourself because you can't be all things to all people. You have to prioritize and do the best you can... then let the rest go.
I had such choices to make. Dad has Vascular Dementia when Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's back in 2006. The same weekend Mom was diagnosed my FIL fell breaking his neck and ending up in a Halo brace and eventually moved to a rehabilitation facility. He passed away in September 2009, just as Dad took a turn for the worse and we discovered that my MIL had dementia. Dad passed away March 2010 and my MIL passed away October 2010 with lots of resentment that I spent more time with my parents. This year we have struggled with probating three wills, cleaning out and selling two houses, and all the repercussions.... while I am still caring for Mom who is in the final stages of Alzheimer's. Oh, let's throw in there that a bad personnel change which completely change the facility Mom is in from excellent to just ok. Makes me tired when I look at the journey in total so I usually just stay in the moment
My daughter, bless her wisdom, gave me a new perspective to the fear of this disease. (my genetics are pretty rotten since three generations on my Mom's side have had Alzheimer's) She looked me straight in the face and said... by virtue of being human we are ALL terminal. We fear this disease as if we are immortal if we don't get it. We don't know if we have a tomorrow, let alone 1000 tomorrows. Everything in this world comes and goes... including us. We are only temporary. So I will make the biggest impact and live the best life I can without worry until it is all said and done.
Yep, I want to run away sometimes but mostly from myself and that doesn't work so well. Yet if you have a nice hammock between two lovely palm trees close to the shore and an endless supply of little umbrella drinks... I'm there!!!
i so understand how you feel. you have to take 1 day at at a time. try to ease up on yourself. you cant worry about who is mad. take care of yourself first and take deep breaths. take some time out for just you during the day. keep venting it helps.
Once she is settled into the right NH, things should settle down. When I first transferred my aunt I had a lot of emotional adjustment and took every up and down very seriously. Over the past few months I have realized as long as she is getting good care and I am on top of things with her, that is good enough, and though I am sorry to see her in this state, I have accepted that that is, basically the best I can do for her, so I do it, and do not let myself get too upset.
Anyone in your life such as a husband needs to be educated about dementia and to know what you expect to do for her (# visits a week, whatever) and to make peace with it. Anyone who is unreasonable due to their nature, an illness, psychological issues - OH WELL - they will have to deal with it, that you have a variety of obligations to deal with. My aunt has the vascular and yes it is hard to deal with because she gets unreasonable and demanding but I am the one of sound mind so I work to keep it all in perspective, even tho it can be hard.
However, do NOT assume that "you are next". If you have concerns especially with regard to vascular dementia, make sure you take care of your health and especially the factors that contribute to it. Do not think negatively about your own health or your own future.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hillside6
Placed Mom in nursing home. After bad experience with aricept 23 mg she took sprial down tread didn't know where she was, who we wwere all in two days things changed. I hear now they are considering to take it off the market. (23mg) dose. She went into the Hospital after she tried to find her home , fell going down my sister's outside steps hit her head, back and bottom. My sister installed cameras, gates, door alarams and still it was just too much. To say I am sad .... beyond sad as you or most know the feeling. My fil passed in Jan. from this. my mil has the vascular type she is very strong willed and refuses accpetance. Thur this my sister and her family dealt with mom. I took her to the dr and outtins when I could and the last weeks was in and out every day. mil upset she didn't get to go to her outting due to me helping with MOM. My husband tried to help but she was mad at me because I choose my mom over her. he doesn't have very much patience so that didn't go well either.......
This the the third love one I have had to deal with this
So yes, I want to run away but mainly away from this horrible diease.... I know my turn is coming , I have seen how this ends,
there is no where to hide.
There are so few of us to help and I love them so I can't leave.
But you gave good sound advice that may benefit somebody that comes later in search of information! We don't know how many are reading quietly in the shadows
