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Old 08-01-2011, 01:48 PM   #1
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I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

Well.............after **thinking** I could handle jumping back into real estate at the first of the year (even though the market still sucks) AND still handle everything I'm handling with my folks, my life, blah-blah-blah........it became very clear to me that I was in over my head and have been for quite some time.

I thought about what I could let go of (can't let go of the folks - I'm sticking it out - although as another person posted - yes - sometimes I feel like I want to run away - but I know I would just run......back), I decided I needed to make a change with being in real estate. I'm not very good at leaving things without being successful at them, but I am realizing that it really IS the right decision for me.

I'm not a "salesperson at heart" and I do think you've got to have the **IT** factor as I'm now calling it - to make it in the real estate biz. Besides, I have to be ON ALL the time, and I'm discovering that with the stress load I'm carrying with my folks, the stress then of having to be **ON** all the time - on top of everything else.......{{{sigh}}}........was just too much.

Sorry if this all sounds trivial, but right now it's all part of the winding dementiaville road I find myself on. I'd been in real estate before my DSD got sick (and before I was diagnosed with cancer). It was tough back then - but now - I just........can't......handle it. I can't be that ***up*** all the time.....and work for months like I have been and not get paid.

Isn't this a good rant???? I haven't had one of these on here in awhile!!!! HA!! When the opportunity to jump back into real estate the first of the year came around I thought it might be a good thing - help me put my focus elsewhere, you know? Plus - I've got to get back to some type of work.

But - it seems like it all just - backfired on me. I think I'd be better off finding some kind of work - at least for now - that doesn't require me to go full out all the time - because I just can't. Besides, there's my own state of health, which can really go up and down (metabolically speaking post cancer).

HMPH........oh well........not alot to do right now but re-group. Oh yea, and clean out my office.....and figure out what comes next......oh me-oh-my.....thanks for listening to my rant.............

 
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Old 08-01-2011, 04:59 PM   #2
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

I am so sorry that you are so under stress!! I am a cancer survivor too for 10 years now.
So I know what you mean. You need to make sure you stay healthy and yet you got lots of family issues regarding your DSD and dementia and your Mom and etc...

Well, one thing for sure is you need to take care of yourself, your health, your work and your well being.... If you are not well, you cannot help others.

Maybe you can find out what is exactly the stress now - is there any particular situation that you have trouble with your Mom or your DSD. I know the work is stressful so you need to resolve the problems in the family. Have your family hired anyone for your SD? He is in the facility now? Sometimes it helps if your Mom hires some part-time caregiver or maid to help around.

It is hard to focus on work, I know. You would always think about what is going on back home or in the facility. Yet you need to work and find income...

Sometimes it is the focus, not that you cannot do the work. Also it is the bad market (it is buyer's market.)

I guess you need to figiure out which part is your pressure point at home and deal with it so you can work 100%.

Take care,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 08-01-2011 at 07:56 PM.

 
Old 08-01-2011, 07:04 PM   #3
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

There is nothing pathetic in knowing what you can't do. There is no failure in admitting that you are in over your head. That is probably the hardest thing for us to do... admit that we need to change courses to make our life better. Please do not consider yourself a failure. Consider yourself a success in knowing when it is time to cut and bail. Yep, real estate is a high pressure job at best, and in these times it is even more difficult. Care giving is an even higher pressure job and just doesn't get any better. So you double timed yourself. Knowing you need to back off something is a responsible mature decision. It is taking care of yourself. It is finding a balance in your life. So give yourself kudos and figure out what is next. Nope, you can't give up the parents so you did what you had to do. So rant away if you need to and I am going to tell you how proud I am of you!

Love, deb

 
Old 08-02-2011, 07:19 AM   #4
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

Thanks Deb - Thanks Ninamarc. "Double timed" - I like that Deb. That is exactly what I did to myself.......gheesh......and boy am I feeling it now. Oh - and now I've got my mom worried about me since I had that meltdown in front of her last week. Trust me when I tell you, it's not good when my mom's worried about me.....I won't go into the intricacies of our relationship, but let's just say that - my mom trying to help me - is - well - somewhat disastrous

But I guess the meltdown also showed me where I truly am with myself - and that making a job change was more than necessary.....just had a *lightbulb moment* writing that......that's why that happened!

Since this is a safe place to vent, I will share that I am concerned about my own health. I'm really not all the way well, my metabolism (and the way I feel) can swing - wildly I'm told this is "normal" post cancer, and because they overtreat you on purpose with synthetic thyroid hormone, blah blah blah.......I'm really trying to find my "new normal" all the while dealing with the horrid disease we all know and are dealing with - WAAAAA!!!!

 
Old 08-02-2011, 12:01 PM   #5
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

Don't you just love those light bulb moments That's what venting is good for. When you get to a point in the typing it is as if it all comes clear for a moment and bingo... the light goes on. So venting is good for our well being!

Be patient with yourself. Your body has not found it's new normal after your own physical struggles. So let's change the double time to triple time yourself! Yep, you did yourself a huge favor in being able to recognize, admit, and take action on what you needed to do.

As for Mom's help. I can understand how disastrous help can be. Just stay the course that works for you, even if you have to change directions occasionally. Be as kind to yourself as you are others. That is something we tend to forget. We need to be as kind to ourselves as we are to other. That includes forgiveness, patience, empathy, and love

Love, deb

 
Old 08-10-2011, 06:23 PM   #6
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

OK! I am a week's late in finding this rant but I love it!!

Kick that real estate business to the curb..who needs it...hah...great rant!

But glad you figured out what you needed to figure out. Sometimes just saying it to people who won't judge is all we need.

Love, Meg

 
Old 08-11-2011, 09:38 AM   #7
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

Well Meg - with everything you've got going on, aren't you so kind to respond to my rant! Yea - I am really struggling right now. I feel so......untethored.....that's the word that comes to mind.

I know it was right for me to step away from real estate, but now I'm staring into that great **unknown** - more unknowns - dealing with the illness of my stepdad, all of that, and now very unsure how to proceed for myself......and I'm not feeling all that great either I don't seem to be able to find a happy middle grown metabolically......it's a-w-f-u-l.

I'm either having symptoms where I can hardly sleep, and am too energized, or my body seems to rebel at that after a few months and go the other way, where I can't get enough sleep, and even when I do sleep alot, I just feel......yucky.

Of course, it would be impossible for anybody (me, doctor, etc) to completely sort out what is causing what at this stage - given the stress, my post cancer metabolism......yikers

I'm doing the best I can (aren't we all??) but today - I feel small......very, very.......small.......and unsure.......scared too.......{{{{sigh}}}........thanks for listening.......

 
Old 08-11-2011, 10:59 AM   #8
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

I have never had cancer so I can't relate but I had trouble sleeping too. My brother used to tease me saying I was going to become addicted to sleepy time tea..
Then I progressed to one Advil PM...then to TWO Advil pm. All I can say is that they work for me. I had to sleep because lack of sleep made everything seem so much worse...and things are worse enough when dealing with this disease.
Mr. Meg takes that over the counter sleep aid...hmmm...can't think of it off hand...is it melatonin? (Deb..it's the same thing your mom takes) Anyway..it works for him. So hopefully you can find a way to sleep...it will help.

Make sure you don't let your step dad's disease define you. It's not who you are and it is not what you are. Don't give it that much power. It can overtake all that we are. But we are not Alzheimer's...we are affected by it. Nothing more. One of the hardest things I had to learn was to not let it enter every facet of my life...there were times I caught myself only talking about my mom and all that I was goiing through. Sheesh...how interesting that must be to every other person I come into contact with.
I would imagine they would cross the street if they saw me coming.
Even with my brother.. I would talk to him daily and learned to talk about other things in my life...to let him know that I was not mired in the grief of it all. (though at times I felt that I was)

You feel untethered and I felt tethered....as though I was chained at the ankle to this disease. When my mom died the chain was gone. She unlocked it for me.

From this day forward I am tossing you a rope to tie one end to your ankle and the other to us....so, feeling unthethered? Come to us...we will pull on the rope to remind you there is a place where people understand.

Remember to not try to solve every problem at once.

Love, Meg

 
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Old 08-11-2011, 11:06 AM   #9
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

Bless you - bless you Meg - I'm tying the rope right now.....am pep talking myself today - gotta keep moving forward - and you're absolutely right (how do you know me so well??) - I tend to take everything on and try to solve it all too -

Thank you - more than words can say - for reaching out - and for the rope

 
Old 08-11-2011, 11:02 PM   #10
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

Well said Meg TC, you are untethered... from the real estate job. Yes, there is a great big world out there for you to explore. Believe me, untethered is not a bad way to be. Give yourself permission to explore. Let yourself see the adventure.

I like Meg feel tethered. I have also had to make myself find other facets of life. My niece and her two daughters moving here has been wonderful. I have made myself visit with friends and pay attention to my house and yard. I also called Hospice to give me more eyes on Mom so I would feel ok backing up a bit. I yearn for the day I feel untethered because there is a great big wonderland beyond planet dementia to explore and experience.

My recommendation... do something just plum crazy! What is it you would never do... go do it and enjoy it. Just make it legal hehe! It could be as simple as redecorating your bedroom or something as extravagant as a vacation. Just find something that inspires you to move forward

Love, deb

 
Old 08-12-2011, 08:21 AM   #11
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

I guess I should clarfiy my "untethered" statement. I do not feel untethered in regard to my parents. I feel VERY tied / locked down with that. What I was trying to express is in the rest of my life......guess I'm not articulating myself very well right now.

I finally felt like I was moving in a direction other than dementiaville......now I feel like I'm back to that world and am feeling unsure about the REST of my world I am far from feeling "footloose and fancy free." So - sorry if my post confused you or sent the wrong message.

I was looking to some type of work to help ground me - give me another focus point other than this crazy illness. When I needed to make a change with that - I felt - here's the word again - untethered - but not in a good way in a "what the heck do I do NOW" kind of way!!?? Hope that makes some sense.......

 
Old 08-12-2011, 10:58 AM   #12
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

No clarification needed...I understood completely.

Love, Meg

 
Old 08-12-2011, 11:09 AM   #13
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

I understood and perhaps it was me that was unclear. We are all tethered to this disease until we receive the final release. I think we all at times feel untethered to the rest of our life. The ideal situation is to have our tethers equally balanced between the two.

My suggestion was not to be footloose and fancy free. That would be great but it's not where we are. My suggestion was to do something that is immediately rewarding. It's a baby step to that balance. By a little accomplishment in the real world it can give you a tiny food hold to build it. The best think I did for myself during this dementia trip is to redecorate my bedroom. It is now my sanctuary. I can go in there and appreciate what I have accomplished beyond taking care of Mom and Dad. My great nieces have been another foot hold. I make days for them. I would love to have a career but that is not in the cards. So I volunteer instead. I can do that on my time. I think what I was trying to say was.... you don't have to jump into something over your head to find that balance that you seek (and that is what you are searching for)... sometimes it is little steps that start the process and eventually ground you.

Hope that helps

Love, deb

 
Old 08-12-2011, 12:52 PM   #14
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

Thanks for your responses. Yes - I need to find something *else* outside of dementiaville that can help me to have some sustainability. Yes - I went overboard jumping back into the crazy business known as real estate and then realizing I was in over my head!?!

I actually have a listing right now (ironically enough), but.....one listing isn't enough to keep me in real estate. I need to meet with my client tomorrow and tell her what's happening and how I can stay with her through her listing, but I need to bring another agent onboard as well. I'm nervous about telling her - but that's what I need to do.

I had a thoughtful morning - of staring out my big picture window that overlooks the Puget Sound as some unusual fog had rolled in and blocked my view of the sound. It struck me as such a great metaphor for where I am in my life.....I know life is out there - but right now it's all fogged in.

I just said over and over again - out loud - "I don't know where I'm going." It's a **weird** thing for me to confess - me - who's always had a direction - aim - goal. Well.......who knew that cancer was going to hit me with my stepdad's dementia right on its heels......who the heck knew?? And - ha! - who would make THAT part of their planning in life!!??

I can't tell you what it means to be able to come here to the boards and get some of this out. It helps - beyond what my words can express - it helps. Thanks Meg & Deb - for being right there - with your great care & concern.....

 
Old 08-12-2011, 11:58 PM   #15
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Re: I Feel PA-THE-TIC!!!

Just getting it out can help TC and I hope you find your way thought that fog... the fog we all have from time to time. I so understand what you are saying. When I greeted 1998 I had no idea what was before me. I had no idea that my daughter would come home and struggle through a long dark depression. I had no idea that Dad would have vascular dementia. I surely didn't think he would live another 11 years. The kicker was Mom being diagnosed with Alzheimer's in the middle of Dad's Vascular Dementia. None of that was put on my to do list by me And somewhere in the beginning of all that I went thought my own cognition reaction to Statin and was in lala land for a year. During that time we also had my FIL's broken neck and subsequent strokes and my MIL's dementia to deal with as well. We never know what is in store for us around the corner. Life is not what we want but what we are given. It is what we do with what we are given that actually makes our life.

Still being in Dementiaville as you are I see that fog and know there is something different out there, just out of reach. Everything become tempered with what needs to be done in Dementiaville. That is why I break out occasionally and just do something.... like tonight. On the spur of the moment I grabbed a take out pizza for supper, threw on a pair of jeans, and went to listen to my favorite band live. Just a local Friday night concert on the street. Ran into a couple of old friends and even though I held my phone in my hand on vibrate... I had a great time That will get me through tomorrow and maybe Sunday!! You just have to do something that gives you a smile.... that connects you will real life for even a short while. One day I will leave Dementiaville for good. I hope! The strange twist is that there will be times when we look back and wish we had one more day in that strange place.

I do hope you can find something that fulfills your need for balance and something beyond. Keep searching and you will find it

Love, deb

 
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