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Old 09-02-2011, 04:29 AM   #1
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Question advice please

I wanted to ask for advice about something---I called the local Alz Association and the lady suggested that I come and register and take my husband with me so she can meet him.Well now that I`m not talking about AD or dementia with him anymore,where should I tell him that we are going?He`s not so "gone" yet that I can pretend she`s a friend or something.She`s propably going to talk about the Association anyway.And give me leaflets.It`s a small operation as well so he would have to stay with me.I`m sure there is a simple solution only my brain does not seem to function this morning......I`m not going until next week or the following week but I need a strategy!

 
Old 09-02-2011, 08:05 AM   #2
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Re: advice please

First of all, I am wondering why you and your husband need to do that? What will they do? Will they provide caregivers or any concrete help or day care service for him? If it is that important, then you can try to trick your husband to do it. If it is just for information, you may want to think about it. You can give her the diagnosis info. so she can help him. She does not have to see him. Often we can call the ALZ association locally here and ask for help regarding legal matters or caregiving, but they don't have to see the patient. Just tell them the diagnosis/stages.

One way you can do is tell him, oh this is a sales lady and she wants to "sell" something, so you want to listen to what she has to say. Also she needs to be tricky when she asks him questions. Make it like a casual meeting or a game. Ask her to do this casually. Not to talk about Alzheimer's in his face like that... Be diplomatic...

One time we took my FIL to see a nursing home near his home in late 2008. Well he was quite upset about the long drive (more than 30 minutes) and he was ****** off because he thought it was my idea to go for such outing. He said it is all the same! He saw the lady there and was in the chapel there. He sat down for a glass of juice and then he wanted to go. The lady asked if he wanted to see the apartment and he didn't understand it. Lucky he never knew this - he just didn't want to go out there. So we left after a short while.

Make this trip short and fun. Joke with him saying maybe you will get dementia or some family member needs help... Don't talk about him directly. Hope this will do the tricks.

Good luck,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 09-02-2011 at 08:26 AM.

 
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Old 09-02-2011, 08:35 AM   #3
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Re: advice please

The one on one with somebody that understands is an excellent support for you. Connecting with those at the Alz Assoc has been a blessing for me. If there is anybody that "gets it".. it would be those people. They have a wealth of information in printed material but also in their knowledge. They also understand that your husband has Alzheimer's. They know what to do with Alzheimer's. It is not like taking him to a restaurant where nobody knows or understands what you are dealing with. It could be a delightful and informative outing for you both.

The first think I would do is let the personnel at the Alzheimer's Association know that hubby doesn't accept his diagnosis. He is not the first and they get it. Ask that they talk in general about their program and not specifically relate it to him. Then tell him that you are curious about the organization and might want to volunteer. You are just checking it out and want him to go with you to give you his opinion There is an element of truth there because you are volunteering to care for his Alzheimer's and you do need support and information. He just doesn't need to know that he is the target.

Love, deb

 
Old 09-02-2011, 01:57 PM   #4
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Re: advice please

Well I`m now thinking that I won`t take him at all if I go---all they can provide is advice,recommend doctors etc. and visit the patient.We do not have (as far as I know) any special facilities here for AD patients,I know that if they are too ill to be at home,they have to go to the hospital,the psychiatric hospital or private nursing home.So as far as helping,I think their main objective is to educate the public......
When I spoke to her on the phone,the lady said they have a seminar coming up and did I think that my husband could come with me and attend it---I asked how long it was and she said one day!Well of course I said no and then she said we could just come for an hour,it would be nice to have a patient or two there.....that did not sound too good to me either.He`s supposed to sit and listen to stuff about AD????Unfortunately Barbados does not have all the facilities and help that you guys have "out there".I`m originally from Finland and I know what good healthcare is like.I guess this is the price we pay to live in the tropics......

 
Old 09-02-2011, 02:40 PM   #5
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Re: advice please

No, I don't mean this ALZ association locally helps that much. It just helped me with the tax issue once... FYI only... Here we need to have private nursing home as well. There are day care centers for the elderly.
The only difference is the states has medicaid that allows the poor elderly to live in a nursing home. Otherwise, it is all private... My FIL is too well-off to get a free home.

It is good that you don't have to take him... Go there for yourself if you can find a sitter for your husband.

Take care,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 09-02-2011 at 02:42 PM.

 
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Old 09-03-2011, 09:01 AM   #6
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Re: advice please

Each location is different and you probably need to go alone the first time to see what they have to offer. Some with early alzheimer's do accept and know the disease is present. It is amazing to talk to them and understand what the disease does to them. But many, like your husband and my Mom, never accept or realize they have it. Nope you don't want to sit and talk Alzheimer's with them for a full day So see if you can find someone for your husband to enjoy while you become educated Always follow your gut feeling because you know your situation and your husband. Get information and then just do what you know to do!

Love, deb

 
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Old 09-03-2011, 03:57 PM   #7
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Re: advice please

Hmmm..that lady you talked to scares me a little bit...ok, a whole lot! Take him with you on an all day event??? Huh??

My mother also was in denial, to the point of getting violent if anyone even mentioned the word Alzheimer's!

So where ever I went with her...if I absolutely HAD to take her for any reason, I would call in advance and tell them NOT to use the word....mom's neurologist always substituted another word...he would say UTI, Urinary Tract Infection in its place. Never THE word, Alzheimer's. I let everyone know. Her dentist...any and all friends and relatives...any other doctors. If any one even looked like they might use the word I escorted them from the room and reminded them strongly not to do it!

Go alone and see what info they have for you that concerns him.

Love, Meg

 
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Old 09-04-2011, 05:41 AM   #8
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Re: advice please

Hi, I don't know if this would be helpful or not. I looked after my husband for some 12 years and the ADS were a God send. In my case I paid them a visit on my own, so I could let them know how my husband was likely it react. They were just wonderful, saying a home visit would be the best idea. The home visit went so smoothly. There is so much information and help that they can provide, without them I would have found life very difficult. They were there with us every step of the way.

I will keep you in my thoughts, please take care of yourself.

kind regards Treeton

 
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