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Old 10-10-2011, 08:19 AM   #1
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venting,venting,venting......

Just venting!Hubby has one of those days that is marked with anxiety,worry and fear.He thinks our house and land will be taken from us or it will be divided between "people",he thinks he has some medication in a pouch that he should be taking,he believes I am going to leave him and go with someone else......my reassurance,validation and hugs don`t seem to be enough today.Sometimes this is just so hard---I want to get inside his head and pull out every scary thought which of course is not possible.Hope this gets better as the day "wears" on.Thanks for listening!

 
Old 10-10-2011, 09:47 AM   #2
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Re: venting,venting,venting......

So sorry that your husband now is talking about the land. It is indeed the confusion. The thing about dividing among people, I think my FIL had the similar thoughts. It starts with the concept of condos. He thought his house in the block is linked with the neighbors and somehow he thought the neighbors have to do with it and have money to share!! The fact is it is all privately owned. He no longer knew the boundary of the land and was confused by it. My FIL told me to shut up if I don't understand the neighbor had money for him!!!

I think your husband lost that concept as well. He no longer understands the private ownership. My FIL thought the neighbor could be his caregiver... Later on he probably thought they were all in this NH complex!!!
Now that he moved away, he no longer remembers this.

Your hubby is insecure about you. Probably he would be upset if you talk to any guy personally with warmth including your kids. He cannot recognize other people now so he is insecure about everyone around you. My FIL is a widower but he is also insecure in such way that he wants girlfriends/wife.

If your hubby goes out of control, you may ask the doctor for low dose of antidepressant. Depression is part of Alzheimer's. As he lost more abilities, he felt more depressed. My FIL is taking both antidepressant and antipsychotic drug.

I am sure it is a lot of headache for you. You should also get other people to help out so you can have a break. I know how you feel. It is like you can never win over his arguments or faulty logic!!

Last edited by mod85; 10-10-2011 at 02:55 PM.

 
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Old 10-10-2011, 02:59 PM   #3
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Re: venting,venting,venting......

sorry to hear about today. i agree, ask the dr about meds.

 
Old 10-10-2011, 04:44 PM   #4
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Re: venting,venting,venting......

I understand so well the desire to reach into the brain and pull out all those wicked thoughts this disease creates. The brain scrambles information into a reality that is scary for them. You have to deal with the repercussions. No matter how hard you try, sometimes their reality is so strong that nothing can punch through and they are stuck in the anxiety and angst.

There are medications that will help. You have to find the right doctor that will listen to you and understand. This is not something he can control and not something that you can always control. If he is having these delusions then he needs help.

My Mom was so filled with angst and anxiety. She was combative and belligerent. I finally found a geriatric psychiatrist that understood. She is not on Ativan or Xanax which I have found to be useless at best but on psychotic medication... and she has been chemically content, but not sedated, for the last 2.5 years. Her anxiety has been replaced by smiles. It is so much easier for him and for you without the anxiety. So please talk to his doctor. If his doctor doesn't want to deal with the behavioral medications then ask for a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist. As frustrating as it is for you.... we can only imagine how terrifying it is for him.

Love, Deb

 
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Old 10-11-2011, 10:48 AM   #5
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Re: venting,venting,venting......

Avio - sorry you're having a hard time. I'm with everyone else - finding the right doctor and looking into possible meds. But more importantly - here's a big ol' {{{HUG}}} - just for you!

 
Old 10-11-2011, 11:19 AM   #6
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Re: venting,venting,venting......

Thanks everyone for your response----today has been a better day.I took him to the doctor and first gave him a long letter with all my concerns etc.We had a chat and he was very sympathetic and said that if I really wanted something for DH he would prescribe it but he would prefer not to as it may confuse him even more.He said it was up to me.I decided NO for the time being but he said if I changed my mind I could call him or wait till our next appt (5.12).Physically my DH is doing really well.He said something I thought interesting coming from a doctor`s mouth--"to give him medication,let`s not only look at how hubby is coping,how are YOU (me) coping--if you can`t cope then perhaps it`s time for meds for him" First time I heard that so it was encouraging.SO---I`ll continue one day at a time and see how the cookie crumbles (or not).

 
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Old 10-11-2011, 11:57 AM   #7
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Re: venting,venting,venting......

I like your doctor! I'm glad he is thinking about YOU as well. I second that avio. Bear in mind how you are (or are not) holding up. You're doing alot and need to think about yourself too (easier said than done I know)

 
Old 10-11-2011, 06:06 PM   #8
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Re: venting,venting,venting......

Avio can you clone your doctor and share him!! He is so very right. It is not just the patient that is important. The caregiver is just as important. If you don't have your health (physical and emotional) then you can not take care of your husband effectively!

Many don't want to use psychiatric medication for dementia patients. I will admit that I was one of those. WAS.. As long as the angst is sporadic and you can deal effectively to bring him back to a level of contentment then it is ok. But when the angst become persistent, please do not hesitate to use psychiatric medications. Angst is the outward manifestation of inward emotional pain. We do not hesitate to treat physical pain. Yet we hesitate to treat emotional pain. If it is a tooth ache we don't let it hurt but if it is fear and anxiety we tend to let it be. Knowing that the brain of a dementia patient is damaged and they can not cognitively think their way through their fear and anxiety... why would we not help them even if this involved medication. Yes, there is a way to treat emotional distress without sedation. I do not believe in sedation at all. I do believe in using the other psychiatric meditation to give contentment.

Mom started with periods of depression and periods of anxiety. It continued to build and become more frequent until she was in a state of angst, to the point of hysteria with aggression and combativeness. General physicians threw Xanax and Ativan in her direction along with anti depressants. If anything these medications made it worse. She went from sleeping to angst and then took another pill and repeated. I finally took the step of having her placed in a psych facility that specializes in elderly dementia patient. It was the best thing I ever did. She is on a combination of medications now that have given her a level of contentment. Her smile has returned. I will also say that her rate of decline has also slowed. It has been 2.5 years of blessed relief for her and for all those that love her. Yep, I am a believer now The only regret is that I waited as long as I did to have her properly treated for her emotional turmoil. But today I look at her med list and smile because I know the chemical contentment it affords her is the best thing I have done for her

Love, deb

 
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