since I needed a shoulder to cry on, my mom had been doing so well at home with my dad right up to sept 13. shetrippedl and broke her hip...It has been so tragic all the way around, she had a hip replacement, the surgery went well but my mom slipped down that slippery slope a long way after surgery. she will never be able to go home again. we have her on a waiting list for placement, should take about 2 months, until then she stays in the hospital. what a nightmare this has been. I have been with my mom everyday since this happened for around 4 hours a day. we break up the day, my daughter goes in for lunch time for about an hour, then my dad usually goes in around 2 for a couple of hours, then i go in around 3.30 and stay until 7 or8. you see we need to be there to make sure she eats as their is just not enough hospital staff to do this..Don;t get me wrong they try, there is just not enough staff to go around, so we have taken it upon ourselve to been there for lunch and dinner. oh the things I have seen in the hospital, the way they treat some ofthe patients would make your toes curl. some of the families are so mean to their husbands or other relatives that are there for one reason or another. although they are not allowed to use restrant on any patient they leave them in their wheelchairs with the tray locked into place so they can not get out. I would call that restraint... I am so nervious of leaving my mom there. i feel if i don't go that the same will happen to her. they will just leave her in her wheelchair.... my mom can not even comprehend ringing the bell if she needs anything. I have already talked to the head of the patient health care director about my moms conditions and some of my concerns and he did rectify the ones that were bothering me at that time,, but now after more time has passed i have to have another little chat with him about some of the things that are going on... I am nervious to complain to much and have the nurses mad at me and take it out on my mom when we are not around, I think I am been over protective, but i just can not stand by and watch what happens to some of the other patients who do not have relatives there to watch over them.. I know this is a long post but I have so much fear inside me and i have been holding it back now for some time, but ican feel it near the surface these days . I am near to tear most days. . I need some good vibs sent my way to get the placement we want to come through as soon as possible. I want only the best for my mom and maybe i am asking for to much, listen to me, I am even starting to doubt my selve, anyway thanks for listening to me and giving me a place to say things out loud and cry when no one is looking..
The following user gives a hug of support to jagsmu: ninamarc (11-16-2011)
I am so sorry to know your Mom has been going downhill since Sept. You didn't say what kind of dementia she has. Does she have Alzheimer's or other types of dementia?
Given dementia, any surgery or trauma can make her go downhill. Even if the surgery is successful, she is still confused about the whole thing. She cannot walk like normal anymore and this only makes her feel worse.
Usually hospital is not dementia-friendly unless she is there because of insurance/waiting list or her conditions. A NH for dementia may be better and they can offer her comfort care and the nurses would not be so intimidating. I hate to say it, but hospital nurses are not exactly dementia-friendly and they are too busy.
It is your right to ask the nurse for your Mom's need. Don't worry about her being mad at your Mom. It is not professional. If the nurse does that, you need to tell the supervisor.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Get some part-time caregiver to help you to sit with your Mom.
Sure hope you will get a home soon. You could also look into some private NH for memory impaired while you are waiting for the placement now.
Jags... I am so sorry that you have had such difficulties in the last couple of months. Yes, a fall can change your life in major ways. Yes, surgery is not what you want but sometimes it is what is needed. You just end up dealing with the aftermath. The combination of all the changes your Mom went through is enough to send her sliding down that slipper slope. At this point it is what it is and you just go forward.
I do understand that in Canada, loved ones that need long term care are hospitalized until a placement becomes available. There is nothing you can do about that except wish, hope, and pray that it comes quickly. For now you are stuck where you are.
Kudos to you for being the caring and loving family that advocates for your loved ones. If the hospital is short of staff then feeding her and being there to observe her care is imperative. It's difficult at best but it's also best for your Mom. Yep, you see more than you want to see! But being there to see and act is important, not only for your Mom but for others as well.
Do not be afraid to bring legitimate complaints to the attention of administration. So far they have been responsive so it has been beneficial. That is a good sign. Just be watchful, as you have been. If the situation worsens I am sure there is some government oversight agency that you can go to. Many times these complaints can be made anonymously. For now just keep doing what you are doing.
I would suggest that you find somebody, maybe another family member or friend, that can pick up a shift here and there so you can get a day off. The constant strain will get to you. If this is not possible, you might want to hire a sitter for a day a week to give you, your dad, and your daughter a day off. It is imperative that you take care of yourself as well as your Mom
Know I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers that placement will happen soon!!... and it will be the placement that you desire for her.
thanks for your kind thoughts and replies, We were considering a caderaic eye op. but desided against it at this stage, thank heavens we did not go through with that, so this is only one surgery, but it was an emergency op. so it had to be done, this is a wait and wait some more for the care home placement as there are no other options at this moment. I am collecting my thoughts as I need to phone the health care director and talk to him about some things and I want to be able to explain some issues to him and don't want to sound like a buffoon. I know that I will be posting more now as it seems I need to vent more often lately and it feels good to get it out...
That is what we are here for Judy I do believe venting is good for the soul and what ails us And to be able to vent to those that truly understand is even better. Those that have not been on this journey just don't get it!
Over the years I have picked up on the Canadian way of placement. It is a little different from ours here. You wouldn't find a dementia patient being held for months in a hospital here. Yet we do have the potential of ended up at a less than desirable care facility in the rush.
Good idea to collect your thoughts and give yourself a guideline so you can explain all that you want to get across. I have found that logical presentation goes a lot further than emotional outburst. Having been in Administration I can tell you that facts go a lot further than emotion. Emotion can be dismissed as distraught over stressed family... but facts hold their own truth.
I did want to mention that your idea of restraint is exactly the same as mine. I had conversation with the administrator at Mom's facility just yesterday concerning this same issue. Wheel chairs pushed up to a table and the breaks locked is no different from any other form of restraint. He stood quietly for a few seconds and then said... "You are right". I reminded him of the "no restraint" policy! It was not my Mom because she is still ambulatory but it could be soon enough and I want that stopped before she gets there
So keep advocating with intelligence, logic, and facts!!! It will go a long way to make it better for everybody.