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Old 11-18-2011, 09:12 AM   #1
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I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

and I am prepared. As i said there were some things that I needed to dicuss with the director of health at the hospital, not only the restaint by wheel chair but a more serious thing is the condition that I came upon that my mom was in. It is almost to awlful to even say, instead of talking to the dir.of patient health care, who by way has stepped in and helped me once already, i emailed, I just felt a face by face I would blow up. any way I was very grafic in the e-mail. the only thing with e-mails is that there isno emotion, although I do beleive I was able to put accoss how mad and upset I was. so he e=maiedl me back very quickly and will be looking into my moms problems this morning and then e-mailing me back... one of the magor problems we are having is that when my mom needs help she does not know how to ring the bell that is attached most times to the bed. it has been a real concern of mine, to the point that i want my mom to be looked in on every 15minutes until we get a solution. or they can have her up at the nurses station. My mom does not comprehend ringing the bell when she needs to use the bath room or needs a glass of water or anything and it all came to a head the other day when my mom was discovered in an awlful condition. The best solution would be to have my moms placement come though,. I am at the point where I do not care if the nurses at the hopital like or dislike me, it is my mom that I am there for not them. yes it would be nice if i get along with them but if i have to choose , they loose...

judy

 
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Old 11-18-2011, 10:04 AM   #2
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

Judy,

I am so sorry that the nurses ignore your Mom. if you need to, maybe you need to hire a part-time sitter to be with her while you are fighting with the hospital administration. It is sad indeed. I don't quite understand how they function for long-term care in the hospital, but they cannot ignore the patient either.

In a NH like where my FIL is, they do have caregivers who work for the nurses. Some are CNA (nursing aid) and some are just workers. The head nurse/nurse director hire them. These workers clean the residents and prepare for the residents to go to bed or get up. Some of these workers do come and go but so far they are pretty stable for my FIL. If the director wants the worker to walk around the rooms overnight, they do. If they want to check every 15 minutes for a person like my FIL who could not ask for help when he stopped walking in May, they would do that. My FIL was told he could ring the bell and he somehow knows and would not get up and fall anymore without asking for help. (He fell before because he didn't call for help and now he knows.)
Still my FIL would not know that he needs to be cleaned and etc., so the workers do have the rounds every 2 hours at least. The home makes sure the residents get the attention they need according to the situations.

I sure hope the replacement comes soon. I think it is also best if you call the boss or go see him in the office. That way, it is more efficient. Often the directors told me it is hard to go back and forth by emails as there is timing issue. If you call and find the person, you can talk to him and hear his tones and etc.

Sorry this happens to you. It is so stressful!!

Hugs,
Nina

 
Old 11-18-2011, 10:40 AM   #3
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

i did not want to have aface to face at this time because i am so mad and i would not be as articulate as i can be. The hospital will not allow you to hire bed sitters ect, it would be against union rules to have non union workers taking jobs away from union works, the nursing unions here are very strong, even if they do not want to do the job themselves they do not want anyone else being paid and take the time away from them... it is a real rotton place to be in, if I take my mom out of the hospital she will loss her place in the waiting list for placement. so at this time I have to be a thorn in the side of the nurses and make sure that what has happened a few days ago never, never happens to my mom or anyone elsel.

 
Old 11-18-2011, 12:17 PM   #4
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

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Originally Posted by jagsmu View Post
i did not want to have aface to face at this time because i am so mad and i would not be as articulate as i can be. The hospital will not allow you to hire bed sitters ect, it would be against union rules to have non union workers taking jobs away from union works, the nursing unions here are very strong, even if they do not want to do the job themselves they do not want anyone else being paid and take the time away from them... it is a real rotton place to be in, if I take my mom out of the hospital she will loss her place in the waiting list for placement. so at this time I have to be a thorn in the side of the nurses and make sure that what has happened a few days ago never, never happens to my mom or anyone elsel.
I am so sorry the union is so strong. In Montreal, we have lots of union fights going on...
In the United States for my FIL, we could always hire a home care caregiver to take care of him so I have no idea Canadian nurses could do this to you! It sounds terrible!!! How could a family have no right to hire anyone private to help out? It is out of your own pocket and they are from other companies!

I hope the boss reads your emails and responds to your requests!!

Hugs,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 11-18-2011 at 03:34 PM.

 
Old 11-18-2011, 02:28 PM   #5
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

The rules are different in different countries Jag... and you have to work with what you have there. I am not a fan of unions. I do believe they had their place in time but now they are more detriments than helpful. Your situation is an example. You are stuck in a system that doesn't work. We can just continue to hope and pray for a quick placement for you Mom.

Yes, I have resorted to e-mails for just the same reason. When the situation is emotionally upsetting sometimes you need to do just what you did. It doesn't matter if they like you as long as they are taking care of Mom.

Call bells are ridiculous when it comes to dementia patients. Our loved ones have no idea what that cord or button is for and do not have the cognitive ability to learn or remember. They should be checked on frequently. There is no excuse for them to be left unattended. I can imagine the condition you found and there is no excuse for that. So don't give up advocating for your Mom!... and hold on to the future with a better place for Mom.

Love, deb

 
Old 11-19-2011, 05:33 AM   #6
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

well I got an e-mail back stating that he taked to the head nurse and she was so upset and that she really likes my mom bla bla bla, nothing in the 3 sentence e-mail of solutions the issues i asked about. I replied and said that this isnot about liking or disliking my mom this is about cleanliness and qualitity of care amoungst other things. If he thinks that a 3 sentence reply will placate me he is in for a very big surprise. I am just getting started. If after this last email he can not offer any type of solutions i will then go one step up. Another reason Iwant to use email, I think a paper trail showing how i have brought this issue to the director and if he dosen't address my concerns then at least I have tried on this level... so now I am thinking about investing in a cow bell for my mom to play with..

 
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Old 11-19-2011, 07:19 PM   #7
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

Yep, keep that paper trail. I did the same thing today. I had talked to the coordinator about a problem and got her answer which I was not satisfied with. So I went to the director. Today she cornered me, basically reprimanding me for talking to the director. But my dear I talked to you first and you said blah blah blah, which I did not agree with and told you so, so I went one step up and oh my, the director agreed with me. Ooops Sorry NOT!! In my world everybody has a boss and they are there to climb that ladder of complaint if necessary. I just keep that paper trail and keep climbing.

As for "they like your Mom!"... I agree it is not about liking, loving, or any of those other words they use. It is about taking care of Mom and making sure she gets the best care possible. If you like her so much... then you would take better care of her. Yes, I do compliment those that do a good job. I bet I said thank you to half a dozen people today. But I send the coordinator scurrying to her office. I call it like I see it in both directions.

So keep going until you get some solid answers on how they are going to fix the situation. You are in the fight for your Mom!

Love, deb

 
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Old 11-20-2011, 09:35 AM   #8
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

Keep in mind that they may also tell you to find another placement for your Mom if they believe the family is too hard to deal with. You should have a Plan B if the relationship starts to break down. There are lots of ways for them to get rid of a patient if they don't want her/him -- which can happen if the family is viewed as being too demanding or unreasonable. A Nursing Home can send a patient to a hospital and then might refuse to accept the return of that patient on the ground that they can't continue to safely care for the patient. They can claim that a patient is too disruptive, or is unsafe for other patients. Whether we like to believe it or not, the level of care can also vary from the basic care required to something more personal & caring if you can develop a good relationship with the staff. (At a minimum, sound appreciative when they give you any positive feedback or results.)

In their world, patients come and go. Nurses and reliable aides are hard to get and keep. There's a built-in bias to believe their staff first.

I'm not saying that you aren't right...I'm just saying that it might be in your Mom's interest to try to work with the staff while you look for another placement. Find out if your NH has an Ombudsperson.

Last edited by Beginning; 11-20-2011 at 10:03 AM.

 
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Old 11-20-2011, 10:31 AM   #9
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

I am very aware of the ramifications Beginning I do pick my battles for this reason and I have many to choose from!! NC is a "no dump" state. As long as I say I am unable to care for Mom at home and keep paying the bill, they can not put her out unless agreeable alternative placement is found. Besides, with the current reduction in their census numbers they don't want to put her out. Mom is not combative, aggressive, or difficult. She is actually easy to care for. I have other factors in my favor. At least 6 families (one quarter of the occupancy) and a number of the staff members are as vocal as I am And the problems with this person are known by admin. She's a corporate transfer into the facility so we have her longevity to deal with. Can we say building the case for dismissal?

I do work with the staff. I have a ton of volunteer hours there including outings and activities. I frequently jump in to assist the care mangers when needed. If staff is inadequate, I am the one washing dishes or watching the residents in the common areas. I am always telling deserving staff thank you and keep the goodies stocked. Each of my complaints have been validated.

It truly makes me sad because the facility was excellent before this one personnel change. Since then it has all been downhill. I do have a backup plan I have my choice of several facilities actually. I have not moved Mom for two reasons. First, she has been there for over 2.5 years. It is now her familiar home and she is ingrained into the routine. Moving at this point would not be good for Mom. And... I truly hate to leave if I can help facilitate changes. The families have bonded and we do look out for all the residents. Lots of phone numbers have been exchanged. There are also many that don't have active advocates. It is just a bad situation that we all hope will find resolution.

You are right... you have to look at all angles

Love, deb

 
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Old 11-21-2011, 09:39 AM   #10
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

our system works a little differently here, we have one medical and the govenment funded placements are called and run by VIHA, stands for Vancouver island Hospital Asso. so they are in charge of all the hospitals and the govenment funded care homes. they can not turn anyone away. no matter how rich or poor, you only pay a percent of your income. We do have many privately run care homes but the cost is out of this world, our viha carehomes are really nice i have been touring them now for the last month. any way the hospitals do not have an area for people waiting to be placed so they have them intermingled though the hospital. some in surgical, some in accute care, no one specific place and although the nurses are good they are not trained in Alz and dem. they are trained for general hospital work. the care homes have the nurses that are trained in the care of our older people. My daughter is one such trained and fully licenced nurse. RCA Registered Care Attendent. So we know what to expect from the nurses. we know where they are lacking in training in the hospital and I am going to make sure that my mom does not fall between any cracks, pardon the pun..I am not scared to make waves, there will be no backlash, this will not hinder chances for or against my mom getting into a care home of our choice, as we do have choices, i mean they are not going to place my mom hundreds of miles away. we have 6 care homes within 5 miles of each other. and then there are many many more a little farther away. all gov. funded. and run by VIHA... I am just going to make sure that while she does not fit into any nitch in the hospital such as accute care, surgerical,maternaty or any other that she will be looked after and cared for..and if I have to step on toes to do it so be it...maybe it is time that someone like me stood up to them and yelled a little bit and brought this to someones attention. most people in my moms position do not have close family as they may have moved here to the island to retire and familey is back east. well this is not the case with me and by god I am women hear me roar. hahahah and a lot hormonael.(sp)

 
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Old 11-21-2011, 05:12 PM   #11
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

You go Jags I am glad you explained the difference in the system there and the system here. I started to say something about the difference but knew you would explain it better than I could You need to keep advocating for your Mom and making sure your Mom gets the best care possible.

Here the elderly are shuffled out of the hospital as quickly as possible. The idea of holding them for months until placement is unheard of. They may go to rehab which is not much different from what you are dealing with but most times they end up in a facility quickly. Most of the care facilities are private or corporate owned. The government will certify the number of Medicaid beds they will pay for but most are private pay. Yep, the two systems are totally different.

Today... I think Mom is coming down with something. She has a deep cough, low grade fever, and she's lethargic and slow. Oh well, so much for the one good day on Saturday.....

Love, deb

 
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Old 11-22-2011, 09:58 AM   #12
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

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Originally Posted by Gabriel View Post

Today... I think Mom is coming down with something. She has a deep cough, low grade fever, and she's lethargic and slow. Oh well, so much for the one good day on Saturday.....
Oh, dear--it's always something!
I'll be keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed....

Love, Kren

 
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Old 11-22-2011, 04:34 PM   #13
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

Jags: You're very fortunate that you have a good choice of nursing homes. I live in the suburb of a mid-sized city, and found few choices for Alzheimers' care. Some of the nursing homes here are private pay only, and would not accept Medicaid patients. The patient has to be moved when the money runs out.

Several nursing homes had single Alzheimers' wards, and a waiting list for Alzheimers patients of several years. Some nursing homes were affiliated with assisted living communities. They gave their own residents a preference, so their waiting list for nonresidents could also extend for years. One of the hospital social workers told me that her list of nursing homes covered every home within 50-miles of the hospital, to try to improve her chances of finding a bed for patients who were being discharged from the hospital and needed nursing home care.

Some of the nursing homes were urban, which DH would have hated. Some of them were terribly dark and depressing. One NH that we visited had so many rules that it didn't appear to be a good fit at all. The cost of most of the nursing homes that I investigated fell within a $7,500 to $10,000 month range.

The nursing home where DH was ultimately placed is approximately 20 miles from our home, and nearly 40 miles from my office. I spend a lot of time in the car.

In the approximately 10 years since DH was diagnosed, I've seen several assisted living facilities and a hospice facility being built in our city, but not a single new nursing home. A few small nursing homes have gone out of business though. Supposedly all of the nursing homes that accept Medicaid are losing money, which they say will become worse even when Medicaid benefits are reduced or tightened next year. It's hard to imagine what facilities will be available to the Baby Boomers at this rate.

 
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Old 12-09-2011, 09:08 AM   #14
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

Sometimes there are ways aroun the rule

1-if you hire someone who is IN the union - like an aide looking for a few extra hours work

2-request extended visiting hours And send them in as a visitor

Good luck

QUOTE=jagsmu;4881390]i did not want to have aface to face at this time because i am so mad and i would not be as articulate as i can be. The hospital will not allow you to hire bed sitters ect, it would be against union rules to have non union workers taking jobs away from union works, the nursing unions here are very strong, even if they do not want to do the job themselves they do not want anyone else being paid and take the time away from them... it is a real rotton place to be in, if I take my mom out of the hospital she will loss her place in the waiting list for placement. so at this time I have to be a thorn in the side of the nurses and make sure that what has happened a few days ago never, never happens to my mom or anyone elsel.[/QUOTE]

 
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Old 12-30-2011, 06:46 PM   #15
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Re: I feel like I am in for the fight of my life

Judy, been there too. My mom had a button her wrist that she was to push for help, but she didn't know what it was for. She did manage to call me at work though and ask for help, like I could come and do something. Once in the bathroom she did this for help, called me, and I just had to hang up and call the facility to alert them.

Dementia is a hard disease to handle as it's so individual and variable.

Anyone have experience with Risperadol as a med for these patients?

Susie

 
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