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Old 11-29-2011, 04:37 PM   #1
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I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

Hi all. I just need a sounding board. I've posted recently reguarding my husbands upcoming lumber laminectomy/decompression fusion in January (under the back problems, posts) I know it is making him nervous, thinking about the rehab, then we had family home for Thanksgiving. Usually he's pretty good, able to finish thoughts and stories with a little help. But here in the past couple of weeks it has gotten worse. Now he forgets what he is talking about alot quicker and it doesn't help when I prompt him. He is also getting worse in comprehension.

I know this is all part of the progression, but we are getting ready to go to Arizona and spend a month with my 95 year old father, to help him out. My dad has been doing good also for his age. but recently he is mumbling more and becomimg more difficult to follow what he is saying. I am just trying to keep my patience, and taking deep breaths.

I go to a caregiver support group once a month but will be missing it for at least the next two months. So I thought I'd start venting here, so I can have somewhere to turn. I've read alot of the posts and I know there are great people here. Sooooo Thank you all for letting me Vent

 
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Old 11-29-2011, 07:21 PM   #2
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Re: I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

Troubles, that is what we do best here.... vent and listen! We are all traveling the same path and truly understand.

Has your husband or father been diagnosed with with dementia?... or do suspect dementia? The inability to complete a thought is typical. The stress of the upcoming surgery will make it worse as will the holidays with broken routines and a house full of people. Being in Arizona may not help either. Anybody with dementia loves routine routine routine. So I guess you know you are in for a long trip between hubby and Dad.

I also go to a monthly support group meeting but find this board so very helpful and always available. Our meeting is scheduled for the end of the month so November and December are both cancelled. I don't know what I would have done a few time without this board SO you have come to the right place.

Venting is good for what ails us hehe

Love, deb

 
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Old 11-29-2011, 07:51 PM   #3
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Re: I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

Thanks Deb, Yes, my Husband does have early to middle alzheimer, and he's taking medications for it. We've been making this trip to Arizona for the past 6 years, since my mom past away, for my dad. Usually my husband has done pretty well, although, with the increase symptoms, this year could be different. I will keep you posted. As far as my dad is concerned I'm not quite sure what's going on. He could be developing dementia, if so, it's just starting.

My mom, had dementia, we had put her in an assisted living facility for dementia, for the last 10 months, before she died.

My dad was living alone in his home until, July, when I helped him move into an assisted living complex. He still is living independently. This will be the first time that I will have seen him since the move.

Thank again! Ouida

 
Old 11-29-2011, 09:07 PM   #4
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Re: I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

I am so sorry about your husband and your Dad. It is too much for you to handle... I guess here what you need to do is to prepare for your husband to get worse and down the road, he may need a memory unit one day for later stage... How long will it be is hard to tell. Your dad is 95 but he is in the AL now. So you probably need to figure out how to handle them both.
There is respite care. Maybe in the future, not this year as you are ready to go, you could consider to go alone for your Dad and ask your husband to try the respite care in an AL. So someone will take care of him while you go see your Dad.
At some point, you may need to hire caregiver for your husband or your Dad to handle it for you part-time. Your husband needs routine as he has been diagnosed. Your Dad may just have old age.
I hate to say that, but your husband may be sicker than your Dad and you may need to think about caregiving for your husband at this point. Although Dad is old, he is just confused without any diagnosis. Early onset AD is very bad and it may last 5 years or so. Not 10 years or longer... My FIL has severe stage regular AD and he is 91. He has had AD for at least 7 years.

It seems you really have to do both ends - the husband and the Dad, However, Dad is in AL and your husband is not.

My feeling is at this point you may need to pay more attention to help your husband because of his sickness. What I am saying is maybe you should not ask your husband to help you to help your Dad in the future to add to your husband's confusion... You know what I mean? I know Dad is sick/confused too, but your husband unfortunately is at the similar page of being confused and needs more attention for his own care such as routine and etc. He cannot travel a lot unless it is a permanent final trip like moving.

If you have any relative for your Dad, please let them do it for now. You don't have to help your Dad all the time if there are other relatives there in AZ. Now your husband needs attention for caregiving.

Sorry you have your hands full.

Take care,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 11-29-2011 at 09:08 PM.

 
Old 11-29-2011, 11:27 PM   #5
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Re: I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

Ouida, you absolutely have your hands full. I do understand. Dad had Vascular Dementia and Mom now has Alzheimer's. They over lapped for about 4 years. It will take a told on you being torn between the two. And just having gone through this with your Mom. Yep, you are going to need a lot of space to vent dear!! But you do sound like you have a good grasp and with a little help from your new friends you are going to be ok.

Is your Dad in a facility where he can stay as his condition deteriorates? So many have different levels of care. Are there other family members local to where he is? I do hope you have a good trip with both your Dad and hubby as well as they can be

Love, deb

 
Old 01-03-2012, 11:06 AM   #6
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Re: I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

Hi all, Sorry I did not post this past month. I got busy going back and forth between my dad and my husband. My husband did pretty good spending time at my dad's house while I went to my dad's apartment to help him out. Because of my husbands back problems and up coming surgery, it was just better for him to be at the house. I ended up doing things that was necessary, for my husband and myself in the mornings and then going to my dad's apartment after getting things done, helping my dad and then going back and picking up my husband and then having supper. My mind was spinning all the time. My dad is doing okay, he does have short term memory problems, (which at 95 going on 96 isn't surprising) And if he gets a idea or subject on his mind he dwells on it almost obsessively. My husband did do suprising well too. But now comes more stress. While we were gone my husbands adult kids had new stairs put into our house. His youngest son is a fanstastic carpenture and he came to our house while we were gone and started is doing the work. Well he didn't quite get done. We got home last Tuesday night to a wonderful surprise. He's still working on it and will finish up when my husband is in the hospital. Big problems is his son has been battling Alcoholism most of his life, and now is trying once again to dry out. I understand what's going on, but it's extremely hard for me to just accept it and not get frusturated and upset. I just want to SCREAM! I know this sounds bad but I looking forward to when my husband is in the hospital, so that I can vegg out at the hotel alittle. I do understand there will be other stresses with the surgery, but I hope to catch my breath. I do plan on getting a massage or two while I'm gone. ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

 
Old 01-03-2012, 07:19 PM   #7
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Re: I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

I am glad things are going better than expected and the new stairs had to be a nice surprise. If your step son is trying to dry out then help him. It is easy enough to support him when he is sober but let him know that with alcohol he is not invited. Remember these are his choices, your rules. You don't make his choices you just make your own rules I do hope the surgery goes well and you get that time to just veg! Use it wisely. Then start making tentative plans for one or both if that should be needed. Just know you may not be able to keep up this pace for the time necessary. Hope to hear from you soon and hope it continues to go as well as it can

Love, deb

 
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Old 01-03-2012, 07:29 PM   #8
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Re: I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

Thank you Deb. It's not that easy to not accept my husband's son into our house, as his son doesn't really have anyone to turn to through these episodes. You see my husband is an alcoholic too, although he has been clean for 17years, and he understands better the ANYONE what his son is going through. I am there to support him, it just gets difficult to handle at times. I appreciate your input very much. I will keep you updated on up coming events. Thanks Ouida

 
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Old 01-04-2012, 07:32 AM   #9
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Re: I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

I understand but it is a choice they make on a daily basis. What you don't want to do is enable the son. You do need some boundaries that will make him think twice. No, it's not easy, especially when you have your husband and your Dad but the son needs to be an asset not another stress factor in your life. He needs to clean up his act to help his father. He might just live up to your expectations rather than lowering your expectations to meet his behavior.

Please do keep us updated and also take care of yourself. You have a lot on your plate and need to make sure you eat right, get some exercise, and plenty of rest so you can do what needs to be done. If you are not healthy it all falls down!

Love, deb

 
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Old 01-04-2012, 05:01 PM   #10
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Re: I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

my heart goes out to you. but you seem to be very strong and it sounds like you are taking care of yourself. remember its one day at a time.

 
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:50 PM   #11
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Re: I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

Thank you Debbie....I understand it is one day at a time, but my patients, or lack there of, I find it difficult to hold it together......My frustrations show loud and clear!! But all I can do is TRY!! AAARRRRGGGHHH Only a couple more days at home and then I can consentrate on MYSELF and my husbands surgery and recovery...... (I know I need to count to ten but...) Thank you all for your support..Talking/writing is helping thank you ... Ouida

 
Old 01-04-2012, 07:58 PM   #12
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Re: I'm going crazy, Husband has early to middle alzheimer, Dad 95 confusing

We all run short of patience from time to time. I am not sure anybody has enough patience for this disease all the time. So don't be so hard on yourself. You have done much well. Please spend some time taking care of yourself for a few days. Oh, and remember... when we lose our patience with our loved ones with this disease, the only person that remembers it is us! We just muddle through the best we can, day by day, moment by moment. No look backs just moving forwards

Love, deb

 
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