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Old 12-17-2011, 01:36 PM   #16
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Re: no place for my mom

It can get overwhelming Jags and that is when you need to back up for long enough to get your head back in order. Do what makes you happy. Everybody thought I was a nut case when I dove into my Christmas Forest project. With all I have to do on a daily basis why would I want to put up all those Christmas trees? There are only 12 of them I did it because it is what gives me normality and peace at this time of the year. It is 100% for ME! I can see 9 of them from my computer desk!! They are amazing especially at night when all is quiet and I am left with my own thoughts. I may leave them up until summer! I cooking makes you happy then turn up the volume on the happy music and keep cooking for a while. Mom will be ok. She is going to be out of sorts whether you are there or not. You can't fix it in the next 24 hours so let it go for a while. Mom was sleeping... that is a good thing!

We are our worst enemy in this disease. We worry, we speculate, and we imagine the worse. We let ourselves on that emotional roller coaster of thinking we have to do something to fix it. In reality we can't fix it... we can only do the best we can with what we have available in the moment. We hate to see them upset but it doesn't do any good to upset ourselves to match their angst. If you have not read "Coping with Alzheimer's, A Caregiver's Emotional Survival Guide" by Rose Oliver and Frances Bock, please do. It was very helpful to me in altering my thoughts to give me a better outlook. I am what I think... and slight changes in my thinking did help my emotional well being

Hang on to that "life is good" in this moment and hope you can carry that forward with you!

Love, deb

 
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Old 12-18-2011, 04:02 AM   #17
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Re: no place for my mom

I hope the situation is improving, and that you're able to have some Christmas peace. I just wanted to add that there are some patients whose reaction to Alzheimers becomes constant screaming or groaning. My spouse is in a pretty large facility that cares for patients with all levels of Alzheimers, from those in early assisted living to hospice/bedridden and terminal patients. He's entering his 3rd year. There are always at least 2 or 3 patients of the 60 in DH's units who are screaming (sometimes using angry words, sometimes not) or groaning non-stop whenever they're awake. It's not an unusual behavior, and the staff is used to it. I do NOT mean to say that your Mother's situation is the same, or that her melt-downs are going to turn into this. My point is only that the staff probably deals with melt-downs on a regular basis. It's upsetting to us, snce we're used to fixing situations. Sometimes the situations are part of the disease, and can't be fixed. There may be no trigger.

 
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Old 12-18-2011, 03:31 PM   #18
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Re: no place for my mom

I went to get
the book you suggested and was looking on the Internet and found someone selling it here in bc. Well guess what they live only a couple of miles away from me and I will pick it up on tues. cost 4.00dollars. Now isn't,t that cool. Bad news is that I have come down what seems to be a bad cold...I have been coughing all day, oh well a forced day in bed. I sure hope I can get over this really fast, I have no time to be sic.

 
Old 12-18-2011, 07:38 PM   #19
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Re: no place for my mom

I guess it was meant to be that you have the book Jags I need a new copy as mine is tattered and worn with the pages falling out but I hate to lose all my highlights and markers.

The world will not stop spinning and Mom will not be worse if you are sick for a few days. Our bodies have an incredible way of stopping us when it is time to stop. It is important that you take care of yourself, let your body heal, and not give whatever you have to your Mom. So you do have time to be sick... take it It will serve you both well in the long run! I do hope you are feeling better soon!

Love, deb

 
Old 12-19-2011, 09:51 AM   #20
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Re: no place for my mom

Hope you feel better soon, Jags

LOL--Deb talking about food reminds me of my mom--when she was hospitalized she complained that everything tasted too dry. My dear roommate (who is much more creative about these things than I am) grabbed Mom's chocolate pudding and dunked her turkey in it. She figured it was brown & looked like gravy--ha ha! Mom said it was the "best turkey she ever ate"

Since then we've put apple pie filling on fish & pudding on just about anything. Whatever works....

All the best, Kren

 
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Old 12-19-2011, 10:31 AM   #21
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Re: no place for my mom

Exactly Kren.... in this disease, which has no rules, we are allowed to break the rules that we know! Dry is a real issue with those that have problems swallowing. Sweet and salty are the taste sensations that linger.... Yep chocolate pudding turkey gravy would definitely work We don't have to enjoy it... they do!

Thanks for the chuckle today

Love, deb

 
Old 12-19-2011, 02:34 PM   #22
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Re: no place for my mom

Well this is day three of me being home and my mom has really been performing. Today my dad finally witnessed her meltdown, perhaps this needed to be, last I heard they were trying to get a hold of her dr. I want so bad to go to her but you know what, this is meant to be.Even though I am still sick I am feeling stronger mentally, at least I have stopped crying at the end of each phone call ..I am going to pull the covers up a little higher around my chin and do some bargaining with the man upstairs to help. Tommorow is another day..

Last edited by jagsmu; 12-19-2011 at 02:39 PM.

 
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Old 12-20-2011, 04:04 AM   #23
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Re: no place for my mom

Girl I am feeling your pain these so called CNA's and Nurses are useless without a freaking Brain! I am about to move my aunt to a different facility because of this she has only been there since friday of last week but this is not the place i want her to live out the rest of her life!! So i feel u and hang in there!! And if you have to move her do it Fast!! I dont have aproblem moving my aunt until i get it right!!

 
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Old 12-20-2011, 09:02 AM   #24
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Re: no place for my mom

miles, I am so sorry the facility that you aunt is in is not working, that sucks!! I hope you find one that your aunt will be comfortable in and you will feel relaxed leaving her there soon. this moving them around is hard and the stress on you is even harder. Take care. If I could pull my mom out of the hospital I would but for many reasons that is not an option. Hang in there girl friend.

 
Old 12-20-2011, 12:55 PM   #25
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Re: no place for my mom

Thanks well I went up there this morning and let them have it!! I Literally expressed that i was in search of a better place the whole nine yards. They are moving her to another area where they think she will get better care so we shall see! This is so frustrating...

 
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Old 12-20-2011, 05:30 PM   #26
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Re: no place for my mom

Miles, are they moving her to a different level of care? So many make the mistake of moving into an Assisted Living when they truly need the additional care of a locked unit or nursing care. This is the fault of the facility that is not doing a proper assessment. The AL section of Mom's facility has 1 caregiver for every 15 resident... the locked unit has 1 care giver for every 5 residents. Yep Mom gets about 3 times the care in the locked unit! So the proper placement is critical. I do hope this move is the answer that you are looking for. Having a problem with care in a facility is no fun. I have been dealing with this for a while now but hopefully it is turning around as of this week. I believe in Christmas miracles!

Love, deb

 
Old 12-20-2011, 07:33 PM   #27
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Re: no place for my mom

Well today was a good day, the nurses,the dr.s, the social worker are finally on the same page....they have all decided that the best course of action for my mom is to get her out of the hospital,geeze what have I been saying for the last month, so anyway they have decided on a place that will be able to meet my mom,s needs. Only fifteen minutes from my dad, it was one of the care homes that I drug my dad to so we had a tour and I really liked what I saw..now the hard part.....waiting for someone to leave, one way or another.. How do I hope and pray for someone's loved one to pass so my mom will finally get the care she needs and deserves... I guess my talk with the big guy upstairs last night helped.. So we have a very small light at the end of the tunnel. Keep thoses prayers happening for me my fellow caregivers.......

 
Old 12-20-2011, 07:49 PM   #28
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Re: no place for my mom

Jags, that is good news! A week ago they wanted to stabilize before the move and now they have decided to move in order to stabilize! They finally got on our page huh? I have found when it all seems out of control and you want to throw up your hands something usually breaks. It may be slower than we would like but it always changes

Remember that you are not wishing ill on anybody... you are just wishing for a placement bed for your Mom. Perhaps someone will be able to go home I just hope a bed comes along soon!

Love, deb

 
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Old 12-20-2011, 08:15 PM   #29
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Re: no place for my mom

Well to tell the truth, at this point I can only focus on my mom and not the whys and how's of how the placement happens, just that it does.. The hospital has moved my mom into her own room for the time being, I got busy and put up some ornaments and taped some Christmas cards on the walls.. I do hope the move into a private room well be the last move before placement happens. Crossing fingers and making small sacrifices...I decieded not to eat chocolate until my mom is placed..what am I taking about, that is a big sacrifice..

Judy. The closet chocoholic.....

 
Old 12-20-2011, 09:19 PM   #30
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Re: no place for my mom

No, it doesn't matter how, just that it happens. I have an obsession with causes and effects, patterns and reasons. That was just my mind wondering. I am sure the private room is going to make a difference. Without the chaos that is usually in a hospital setting she may do better.

But what I can't figure out is why you gave up chocolate? Let's see... Chocolate stimulates endorphin production, which gives a feeling of pleasure, contains serotonin, which acts as an anti-depressant, and it contains theobromine, caffeine and other substances which are stimulants. Hummm it seems like you need ALL of that! It can also lower cholesterol and blood pressure not to mention the antioxidants and flavonoids is has. Maybe you need to eat a piece every day to survive this transition? Just stick to the dark chocolate Mom and I share a chocolate snack frequently. It brings a smile to both of our faces.

Love, deb

 
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