Happy New Year! I am so glad December is over. As much as I love Christmas, I am always reminded of the deaths of both my parents.
My Dad passed away on December 31 a long, long time ago, and my Mom followed on Dec 29 four years ago. As soon as Christmas is over I begin to mourn again for my parents.
Yet at the same time I am thankful for their lives. I learned so much from both of them. Mom was a victim of AD, as many of you know, and her death was much slower and harder than Dad's, who died quickly of lung and liver cancer. Yet Mom was never in physical pain and never really knew how she had deteriorated. In the end all she remmbered was that she wanted to go home to her mother, and she did.
Now the days are already noticeably longer, spring will come again, I will be a year older, and heading in the long run to death also. This is just the normal result of life. So I try to enjoy every day I am given.
Being Mom's caregiver for 5 years was invaluable to me, even though I spent some of my time ranting on HB and crying into my pillow.
God bless all caregivers.
Last edited by Martha H; 01-05-2012 at 07:46 AM.
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It is good to remember Martha and it is good understand your feelings. You are also right that the days are getting longer and with that comes a lifting of the spirit. You are right, we do need to live each day as if it is our last and squeeze all the joy out of the days we have. I do hope you are on your way to a more joyful heart. Yes, I agree that some of the hardest times of our lives can be some of the most rewarding
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It was 4 years ago when I asked for help and Martha you were one of the first to answer the call, throughout the years I have gain invaluable information, had many shoulders to cry on, a towel to wipe the tears and some laughter. This place has been a life saver to me because of people like you and your experiences. Thank you and have a great new year and may you touch as many people this year as you have done in the past years..
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Martha, I think about you every December. My dad died a week before Christmas many many years ago so I understand. My mom decided to spread the months out for me since she died in July. Now I have two months to celebrate. If I can call it that.
Your mom died not too long after I found my way here and you were always my inspiration..and a symbol of hope of life after Alzheimer's.
And Deb...only we can understand those words..."that some of the hardest times of our lives can be some of the most rewarding."
The last months of mom's life were some of our closest and sweetest.
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Things seem to get into perspective after some time has gone by. During the caregivng years I was obsessed with Mom. For the first few years I thought she did not have Dementia, but would 'straighten out' if we only could think of the right solution. My sister believed that to the very end. Later I felt abandoned when my sister did not want to take any part in the caregiving, and even told me Mom would be better off if I moved away - Mom would then remarkably return to her pre AD abilities.
Looking back, I think, "why didn't I just take it day by day, as an earlier member of HB kept telling me, shrea shrea!" meaning ''one day at a time."
I actually became suicidal at one point because I felt so useless. I was not able to make my mother well, satisfy my sister's demands, or have a life of my own.
It is all water under the bridge now, but I identify so strongly with AD caregivers .. I went through the whole range of emotions from 'I can do this' to 'there is nothing at all I can do'.
holidays are always hard. everyone has a month or 2 or 3 that reminds us of our loved ones. jan 2 was my birthday and i wanted my mother there to be with me.. last year i posted about this, but i found this year a little easier. my father gave me a birthday card that i was the most special daughter to him but my mom was responsible for that! i cried and i know i am lucky to still have him.april 1 is my moms birthday and its so hard because my 1st born-my daughter was born april 2. to have all of you for the support i need is incredible. as i am crying now i thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. love debbie
The following user gives a hug of support to debbie g: Martha H (01-05-2012)
Martha, it is so difficult to accept that we just can't fix this one. I guess I had the advantage of knowing this disease before I was plunged into the care giving roll for my parents. For others, you can't fix the disease but you can fix their world so they are cared for the best possible way. What each of us is doing for our loved ones is so very important. We are giving them a gift when they need it the most. We are only responsible for what we do and say, not for what others think, do, or say. So we struggle along, doing what we know in the moment to the very best of our ability and then we move on to the next day. Thank you for what you have aid Martha. I know when I first stumbled in here you were in the forefront urging me to follow my instincts I went from knowing what to do with others to lost in my own situation with my parents back to knowing because of you and a few others that lead me. Thank you