I need to tell you how scared I was to go into the hospital today, I am not sure what I expected, perhaps a complete turn around for my mom and here I had done the unthinkable, I cryed most of the morning and then a sort of calm came over me, I went to the hospital and knew that what ever I faced it would be okay. I sat and held my moms hand, she woke a couple of times, I chatted to her and basically had a very peaceful , warm, can I say wonderful visit. It was so different from the last visits when there was pain and angusih in my moms eyes, I could feel the peace in my mom, my mom is at peace as so was I. the unknow was frightening me, i don't need to be afraid anymore. I know there will be some tuff times ahead but I will have these moments to feel over and over again...
I have to add that all of us got the same wonderful peaceful feeling from mom today, I do think that this is her last and most precious gift to us. peace..
Last edited by jagsmu; 02-04-2012 at 10:22 PM.
The following user gives a hug of support to jagsmu: ninamarc (02-05-2012)
Jags, fear of the unknown is probably the worst fear of all. When we make a decision and don't know what to expect... we second guess ourselves. That causes anxiety and anticipation and fear and....We sure can work ourselves into turmoil with our thoughts huh? Yep, then we cry!! We wash out all that we have let built up. Afterwards there is a calm. Then when we realize that what we have done is right and good... we can breath again.
I am so very glad that you had a peaceful day with your Mom. Hold on to those memories. Cherish them. Make more of them.
We don't know what tomorrow will bring. We don't know what is next. We can't even go back and fix yesterday if we wanted to. All we have it today. Give your self over to day to day and see the beauty in every moment you have. Take all the gifts your Mom has in store for you!
It is so important to feel that peace. It is good that your Mom is in peace and does not suffer. Indeed it is hard for you knowing that she may leave you alone.
You are afraid that she will go. You have done the best you could for her.
God will give you the strength to go through this. Please know that this group is here for you.
I am so sorry you are at this point now. Praying that she will survive or she won't suffer.