these are sure topsy turvy days, and they are running together, there are a lot of highs and lots of lows, yesterday I was talking to the head of VIHA,the man in charge of all of British Columbia's patient health care and he kept giving me condolences,Now how am I suppose to talk without crying... I was scared to call the hospital to see how she was doing, i about had a nervious breakdown on the way to the hospital to visit, when I did arrive mom was sleeping, she has not had much in the way of food, I sat and held her hand and she woke up, saw me crying and she gave me such a scowl that it made me and the nurse laugh, she ate a little bit of pudding, she ate her meds, and the newest thing is mixing ensure with icecream, works great and she had about 3 teaspoons of that, not much but more than the day before, she reconized me for which i am thankful so I guess it was a good day...taking moments for my memory album, one day at a time right!!!.
you guys are cheaper than therapy sessions, for this I am so very thankful.
Last edited by jagsmu; 02-03-2012 at 12:30 PM.
The following user gives a hug of support to jagsmu: ninamarc (02-04-2012)
What Debbie said!! It is the only way to survive the roller coaster we find ourselves on. Ensure in ice cream is a standard. They love the cool creamy taste and it's easy to swallow. Not to mention it's loaded with calories. Know that hydration is much more important than nutrition. We can live for weeks with very little food but we need hydration in the form of liquids. The ice cream and ensure is a consistency that helps with hydration but do try to get liquids in her, especially if there is not an IV.
Mom scolded you You have to laugh and know ... Mom knows best!!! I am so very glad you had a good day with your Mom, especially after all the anxiety. I do hope tomorrow goes as well and you have more good memories to file away for a distant day. I keep you both in my thoughts and prayers!
my mom took a turn for the worse last night, she is now in palitife care, she will be comfortable and out of pain physically and mentally, she is refusing to eat, I told her yesterday that we would be okay and that I would look after dad and she smiled and slipped into a sleep. I phoned my brother and he said the most courious thing, how lucky I was to have been able to be with mom and chat, you know he was right. my heart is breaking and I just can not imagine the next couple of days or week...
my heart does out to you Jags. You and your Mom have been though so much. Yet your brother is right. You have so much to be thankful for. All those little moment of joy, those precious memories, will be with you for a life time. It wasn't luck. It was you placing yourself square in the middle of the storm to grab every little bit of good you could.
Don't try to imagine the next few days or weeks because there is no way you can begin to imagine. Just go with each moment. Hold her hand, Talk to her. Celebrate her life and you stand beside her as you have done for so long. You may cry or you may laugh. You may be noisy or you may sit in quiet solitude. You may be anxious or you may be calm. Just know that it is all right. Let this time be what you and your Mom need it to be. Do not fear it... embrace it.
And know my thoughts and prayers go with you for the strength and courage you will need.... and with your Mom for an easy comfort.
The Following User Says Thank You to Gabriel For This Useful Post: jagsmu (02-03-2012)
I need to tell you how scared I was to go into the hospital today, I am not sure what I expected, perhaps a complete turn around for my mom and here I had done the unthinkable, I cryed most of the morning and then a sort of calm came over me, I went to the hospital and knew that what ever I faced it would be okay. I sat and held my moms hand, she woke a couple of times, I chatted to her and basically had a very peaceful , warm, can I say wonderful visit. It was so different from the last visits when there was pain and angusih in my moms eyes, I could feel the peace in my mom, my mom is at peace as so was I. the unknow was frightening me, i don't need to be afraid anymore. I know there will be some tuff times ahead but I will have these moments to feel over and over again...
I have to add that all of us got the same wonderful peaceful feeling from mom today, I do think that this is her last and most precious gift to us. peace..
Last edited by jagsmu; 02-04-2012 at 10:22 PM.
The following user gives a hug of support to jagsmu: ninamarc (02-05-2012)
Jags, fear of the unknown is probably the worst fear of all. When we make a decision and don't know what to expect... we second guess ourselves. That causes anxiety and anticipation and fear and....We sure can work ourselves into turmoil with our thoughts huh? Yep, then we cry!! We wash out all that we have let built up. Afterwards there is a calm. Then when we realize that what we have done is right and good... we can breath again.
I am so very glad that you had a peaceful day with your Mom. Hold on to those memories. Cherish them. Make more of them.
We don't know what tomorrow will bring. We don't know what is next. We can't even go back and fix yesterday if we wanted to. All we have it today. Give your self over to day to day and see the beauty in every moment you have. Take all the gifts your Mom has in store for you!
It is so important to feel that peace. It is good that your Mom is in peace and does not suffer. Indeed it is hard for you knowing that she may leave you alone.
You are afraid that she will go. You have done the best you could for her.
God will give you the strength to go through this. Please know that this group is here for you.
I am so sorry you are at this point now. Praying that she will survive or she won't suffer.