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Old 02-17-2012, 03:58 PM   #1
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Smile Just found this place..

Hello, my name is Connie,and my Father (83), was diagnozed with Alzheimers disease a year ago. So pretty new to this. My Mother is 84,healthy,and as sharp as a tack! I am the only child in town,so my husband and 2 adult children help them out daily. And are honored to do so.Heartbreaking to see your Dad who was always a big hero in my eyes,to slowly fade away. We love him so much, and are heartbroken for him with this diagnosis.It is in the earlier stages right now. Just joined to connect with others who understand this... Have tried to educate myself by reading and researching.But I feel that it is important for all of us to find a place such as this, to talk to each other. Thank you.

 
Old 02-17-2012, 07:04 PM   #2
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Re: Just found this place..

Welcome...you have found a place of compassion and information and experience galore!

I am sorry you are a member of our club but welcome you aboard.

I understand what it is like to watch a loved one suffer this disease. My mom had it for years and died 7 months ago.

None of this is easy. As time goes by and your dad experiences new difficulties you will surely find someone here who experienced the same thing and will be able to share their experiences.

This place got me though plenty of rough times. ANd even had a laugh or two ....or twenty along the way.

Love, Meg

 
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Old 02-17-2012, 08:28 PM   #3
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Re: Just found this place..

As Meg said... so sorry you needed to find us but so very glad you did This place has pulled me through some rough times as well. My Dad was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia in 1998 and he died March 2010. Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in August 2006 and she is not in a Memory unit close to me. You will find understanding here because we have all walked the same path you are on. We have good shoulders to lean on, great ears to listen, too many experiences and even some advice.

Please know that we all speak from our own experiences and what works for us. Pick and chose what is beneficial to you.... and we do love a good laugh It keeps us almost sane.

I look forward to hearing from you and getting to know you and your family. Drag up a chair and your favorite cool drink and stay a while!

Love, deb

 
Old 02-18-2012, 09:28 AM   #4
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Re: Just found this place..

Welcome to our little corner of the world, my mom just left us a very short bit ago, It was my mom who had Alz and my dad as sharp as a tack, There will be a lot of questions you will want to ask and I hope that one day I will be able to help someone the way these wonderful people on here have helped me.

judy

 
Old 02-18-2012, 05:12 PM   #5
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Re: Just found this place..

we are here for you. so sorry to hear about your dad. just keep venting. the support here is wonderful.

 
Old 02-18-2012, 06:51 PM   #6
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Re: Just found this place..

Thanks for all the welcoming replies ladies.I am so happy I found this place! Went to my parent's home today with a cake we made for their 58th Anniversary. They enjoyed that. Dad has such a good appetite.Dad was out of it today,more so than usual. You all know that distant look they have at times,even while talking to you.He had some pretty vivid dreams last night,and was up four times. He takes Aricept 20 mg 2xs a day,and do they give him some real crazy dreams! He was really tired, as was my Mom. When he gets up, so does she. She is 84 and in excellant health. Even so, we all kick in and help her a lot around their home. Thye caregiver needs to be taken care of too.My girlfriend who wrote a book on Alzheimers, told me to start recording him.What a wonderful idea!! I'll have his voice with me when he is gone. Isn't that a great idea? He doesn't know that I am recording him,as I do it with my phone. Not video,audio.So I get some real good,unedited conversations. Thank you all again,and I hope that I can also be of help to others on here too!

 
Old 02-18-2012, 07:51 PM   #7
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Re: Just found this place..

You are right that it is difficult for you Mom. She is there 24/7 and it's never easy. Mom took care of Dad from 1998 until she was diagnosed in 2006. Vivid dreams can cause problems. Dad would be up looking for his brother that he knew was there. He had just talked to him (in his sleep)! Mom and Dad managed well until 2004. With hind sight I realize now that was her Alzheimer's. She had us convinced it was caregiver depression and she would be ok! uhhh... didn't work out that way

Keep doing all you can to help your Mom. Make sure she knows she has back up, support, and help. You have to take care of her so she can take care of Dad. I have sisters and one thing we did for Mom was for one of us to go stay with Dad and the other take Mom somewhere... anywhere. Getting her out of the house was important. We even did this for overnights and weekends away. That gave her a mental respite!

I have a couple of Dad's conversations on audio which I treasure now that he is gone. I also have a few videos that are wonderful. I truly wish I had taken the time to do more.

It's the ups and downs of this disease that can keep you off kilter. Mom still has more lucid days and then days she is just not connected at all. You never know what to expect. Yep, we all know that vacant stare.

Mom was having a good day today. There was a meet and greet for the new management today and I decided to take her. She actually did well and enjoyed the little bit of wine I gave her. She was so cute with the cup turned up tapping the bottom to get one more drop Yes Yes Yes, I gave her another swallow or two.

What is the name of the book your friend wrote? I am a sponge for a good book on Alzheimer's

Lo9ve, deb

 
Old 02-19-2012, 01:57 PM   #8
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Re: Just found this place..

I cannot imagine having both parents with Alzheimers. My heart goes out to you. When Dad started getting a lil worse she told me that she probably should stop going to her ladies Bible class at church every thursday. I told her absolutley NOT!! We will pick her up and take her,have another family member with Dad,and we will bring her home. She needs these outings for her emotional and mental health! Sooooo she gies every week. Also take her to Sunday church services every week.She has been going for years with us,and no way will I allow her to give that up! Dad doesn't want to go out of their home anymore,and told me he is very content being home and feels safe and secure. He said that he knows, whenever he gets up, someone will be there with him in the family that he loves and trusts. I'm surely not going to make him go out. He is still an adult,and makes the choice to go out or not. He does go out, but only for Dr visits. He was so social before,and I think it is more of a pride thing with him,ya know? He doesn't really look too different,but acts a lil different. It's ok,whatever he wants, as long as it's safe and healthy for him. We were lucky, one day about 6 months ago, he just chose to stop driving. Neurologist mentioned it to him,and that was that. No complaining of any sort. Just stopped. I know that can be a big problem with Alzheimers patients and their families. It's losing that independance. Has to be so hard for them. Such a horrible disease,and it makes me so angry. It's not fair. Not fair for anyone who gets it. So, as we all do, we take one step at a time, day by day. Finally got my Mom to stop correcting him. All it did was frustrate him,and he has enough to deal with. If he said,"Look at that cow in the tree", just agree! Ha! You know,sometimes we have to laugh at certain things! Last night he was telling me about this dream he had where someone was suing him because he didn't pay his state taxes. Mom says, "I paid them already." He went on to tell her that he has told her 3 times that his Attorney has to pay them. (Not true),and got frustrated with her. I knew where this could lead, so I told him about a dream I had had,and he forgot all about the tax issue. Diversion. Don't want or need him to get all upset. Too hard on him,and to be honest,hard for me to see. Because he has always been an easy going,laid back person. Anyways, that's life with a parent who has Alzheimers. The book my friend wrote, is called "Come Back Early Today." By Marie Marley, PhD. I think it's a good book. I like most of us,read anything I can get my hands on. Have a wonderful day Deb.

 
Old 02-19-2012, 03:08 PM   #9
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Re: Just found this place..

Dad's was Vascular Dementia (not that it makes much difference) but he did seem to plateau for a long time which helped. Mom did the same thing your Mom did. Decided she didn't need to go to bridge or church meeting or civic league. We pushed her and she continued for a while. Then she gradually stopped. Gave up her accounting work, resigned from committees, stopped volunteering. She blamed it on depression. Our answer to that was to become more involved and not sit in the house with Dad. That was until we figure out the Alzheimer's and realized she couldn't do many of the things she used to do. I believe if Dad had not been diagnosed, Mom's would have been caught earlier. But the caregiver depression was believable, and if she didn't remember doing something then Dad must have and we knew he didn't remember That was all just crazy!

Dad was like your Dad. He had bad knees and PAD so he was very happy staying in his big green leather chair. Getting him out for a walk was a chore. He was happy and content at home with Mom, and especially if one of his girls were home. He slept long hours as well. Mom was up before the chickens and she would get all her errands done before he got up. Both of them were so very social it was sad to see them end up just sitting in the house arguing in their dementia

Dad was never aware he gave up driving but Mom would drive or one of the girls. We always went and insisted on driving. He never knew the difference. Mom on the other hand ... that was probably the trigger that landed them in AL. She could NOT accept giving up that freedom. She took it from Dad but would not stand for it herself. Needless to say, with their respective dementia there was no way to keep them at home. One person could NOT watch them sufficiently.

First rule of Alzheimer's care has to be .... NEVER ARGUE!!! Whatever they say is right. If you don't believe that just ask them That was something that was hard for Mom when she started showing signs of Alzheimer's. They were both right all the time... NOT! If you can get your Mom just to agree and divert him you are making great headway. You are right, when they are happy everybody can be happy. You have to laugh!! They can say the darnedest things. I think a sense of humor is what has keep me almost sane. Somebody ask me recently why I had a picture of Mom standing beside her tombstone on my phone. I had to laugh, and do every time I see the picture. It is because she knew it would not be placed until it was paid for. She kept forgetting that she had paid for it. So I took a picture of her beside it. That way I didn't have to go by the Monument office every week! She would look at it and comment on how much she liked it... and that was that because the next picture was of her great grand children

I have put that book on my "to get" list. I have been in search of a new one to read. Thank you for the recommendation.

I'm off to cook supper.....

Love, deb

 
Old 02-21-2012, 10:11 AM   #10
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Re: Just found this place..

You sound a lot like me in the same situation. Hard and difficult, yet at times funny. Laughed over the photo on your phone! I understand,trust me!

 
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