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Old 03-31-2012, 02:44 PM   #1
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My life is changing

Hello my friends, well life goes on dosen't, mom has been gone not even two months, I still expect to see her smile and I think about her a hundred times a day....I still cry unexpectedly at the smallest thing. But life does go on, my dad is alone now and is on my mind all the time, he just had vascular surgery and I am staying with him intil I think he is well enough, thank heavens for a wonderful loving understanding husband who is holding down the fort while I am away. So I do believe we , that is my husband and my self are about to change our live style. For the past almost thirty years we have lived on a boat and now with my dad and his problems and being alone we think we will be selling and moving in with him. We have been discussing the change and so far it looks like a win win situation. It is a good thing that my husband and my dad get alone so well, like the same things and the same tv shows. My dad,s hous it big and he cannot do everything and has a hard time asking for help. I have talked to brother number 2 and he is relived with our choice if it happens and will stand behind me one hundred percent. Have not talked to the other siblings but they are so far away and they showed their colors whenmy mom was sick. So their opinion does not count as far as I am concerned. They did not step up to the plate when needed so that is that. Now that mom is gone I find myself coming to this board even though my dad is sharp as a tac, I feel that the friendships I have forged over the years are important to me and I would like to stay here and keep in touch with all of you, maybe help where I can with things that I had to go though with my mom, some of which worked and some that did not..

So if it is okay I will be hanging around
Hugs to all of you
Judy
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Old 03-31-2012, 04:13 PM   #2
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Re: My life is changing

I for one and elated that you have decided to stay with us The need for encouragement and support doesn't end. It was a common thread that bound us together. Now we are friends and that's the way it can stay.

You are lucky to have such a wonderful understanding husband and I am glad he gets alone so well with your Dad. Moving in with Dad might just be the answer you search for. You can always go back when the time comes... or you might decide that you like solid ground!! As said by the one that suffers massive seasickness!! Please don't rock the boat Investigate your pros and cons and see where life leads you...

Love, deb

 
Old 03-31-2012, 07:20 PM   #3
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Re: My life is changing

your feelings are normal. it will be almost 3 years since my mom passed and i stilll go to these boards. you and your husband are wonderful to care for your dad.

 
Old 04-01-2012, 02:55 AM   #4
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Re: My life is changing

Please continue to post your words of encouragement for us all. Good luck on the decision you are making. Your father will feel so much more secure having you and your husband there. Our roles reverse in life and we become the caretakers as they once cared for us when we were children. You are a wonderful daughter.
Hugs
Aras

 
Old 04-01-2012, 03:44 AM   #5
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Re: My life is changing

Mom passed away in December 2007 ... over 4 years ago. I stop in here now and then, mainly to see how the people I knew back then are coming along. It is encouraging to know this Board is still going strong and people are helping each other. I don't know how I would have coped without the support and advice of people on this Board. God bless all caregivers.

Love

Martha

 
Old 04-01-2012, 12:22 PM   #6
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Re: My life is changing

Judy -

You can't leave the board! You and I lost our parents around the same time. My stepdad passed 1/2/12, and then your mom in February. I too feel connected to all of you, find comfort checking in with everybody, and also hope that if any of my experience, thoughts or feelings can help someone else, I want to do that!

Martha - I'm so glad you still check back. You have a wealth of experience and such a huge, giving heart and soul. You can't leave either I too am glad for you Judy that your Dad and hubby have a strong relationship. I'm glad you're figuring out a solution that will work for all of you.

We have my mom's house on the market now. We're looking to move her to a retirement community, which she is not exactly thrilled about, but unfortunately, in my family it wouldn't work for her to live with me or either of my sisters It honestly would not suit my mom and it really wouldn't work for any of us. I feel bad saying that, but it's the truth. So - I'm happy for you! Keep us posted!!

 
Old 04-01-2012, 08:58 PM   #7
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Re: My life is changing

TC ... having the courage to know and admit that it would be a bad situation is a good thing. Not everybody is cut out to live with Mom or turn their life over to care giving 24/7/365. Having them in a safe community that fits their needs is not a failure but a success. You have and will advocate for your Mom in the best way you can and that is all anybody can ask of you Who knows, in 6 months she may be thrilled! We never know what the future may hold. All we can do in the moment is the very best we can for all involved... including yourself!

Love, deb

 
Old 04-02-2012, 03:52 AM   #8
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Re: My life is changing

After living with Mom for 5 years, I told my kids that if I get dementia in my old age, I want to live in an assisted living or nursing hme! I have visited many friends now living in those places, and most are beautiful, activity filled, with help close at hand.

Another alternative now being offered in this area is to have a non medical aide coming to your house every day, or for several hours a week, to do things for you that you can no longer do for yourself, anything from shopping to going to doctor's appointments, doing the wash, making light meals or walking the dog. This 'home instead' concept really appeals to me. It is a lot cheaper than AL or NH care too. I managed to get an insurance policy - at my advanced age! - which would cover some of the cost of that kind of service.

It is really hard to live together 24/7 when you have not been doing it all your life ...

Love,

Martha

Last edited by Martha H; 04-02-2012 at 03:53 AM. Reason: spelling

 
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